


Hate Me

by Iron_Eirlyssa (Eirlyssa)



Series: Eirlyssa's 2018 Bingo Fills [11]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Canon-Typical Violence, Dysfunctional Family, Hurt/Comfort, Identity Porn, Implications of Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Insecure Tony, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Protective Bucky Barnes, Team as Family, Tony Angst, Tony Feels, Tony Stark Bingo 2018, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Has Issues, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tony didn't tell the world he was Iron Man, they're learning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-18
Updated: 2019-01-18
Packaged: 2019-09-22 05:50:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 45,570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17054348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eirlyssa/pseuds/Iron_Eirlyssa
Summary: There were moments where Bucky wondered what could have made Iron Man, possibly his best friend here in the future, sarcastic and gentle and funny and caring, hate Tony Stark so much. Moments where he wondered what Tony Stark, who could manage to be kind and generous to the assassin who had murdered his parents, could have done to Iron Man. But he never dared to ask, afraid of the answer.





	1. I never meant to

**Author's Note:**

> My final fill for this round's Tony Stark Bingo, T2 - Armor Kink. A very free interpretation of this, but hey, it turned out to be one of the stories I'm most proud of for the entire Bingo :D I hope you love it as much as I do.

Bucky had been warned about Tony Stark before joining them in his Tower. Genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist. No one in the Tower much liked him, but he did help them out for his own reasons, so they tolerated him.

Mostly.

Despite the subtle cameras that Bucky had noticed all over the Tower - cameras he presumed were also capable of recording sound - none of them were very hesitant about expressing their dislike for Stark when he wasn’t around. Only the presence of Ms Potts and Colonel Rhodes seemed to silence them somewhat, which seemed like a wise course of action. Both of them seemed very, very protective of him.

Considering he was there for Stark’s protection, and indeed prioritized moving Stark to a safe, invisible location anytime there was trouble, it was even odder to Bucky that Iron Man seemed to dislike his boss as well.

Actually, dislike was the wrong word.

He gave the impression of disgust more often than not, a subtle hatred that went deeper than even the Maximoffs’. Unlike most of the others, Iron Man never started on the subject of Stark, but his disdain when the subject came up regardless was more than obvious.

A discreet inquiry with the others gave a range of theories as varied as their personalities. Not a lot was known about the relation between Iron Man and Stark, except that they were tied together in a way at least Iron Man was unhappy about. ~~Natalia~~ Natasha told him about a mention Iron Man had made about depending on Stark, quite possibly with his life, and therefore being dedicated to his protection. It could explain both his protection and his resentment, but Bucky wasn’t sure. There seemed to be something deeper, darker. He just couldn’t quite figure it out.

The others called Stark selfish and greedy and a coward, but… that wasn’t quite the impression Bucky got. Especially considering the first time he actually met the man was after he’d been living in the guy’s tower for a while, in order to work on his arm.

If he’d been afraid Stark’s workshop would feel anything like HYDRA’s labs, that fear had instantly disappeared when he actually saw the place. Rather than cold and impersonal, it seemed alive and warm in a way that wasn’t physical. Perhaps it was the robots, or the futuristic projections, or maybe it was Stark’s own energy, but he instantly felt more comfortable there than he ever had with HYDRA.

“Sergeant Barnes, welcome to my lair,” Stark had greeted. He’d smiled, but Bucky couldn’t be quite sure it was genuine, and he still seemed somewhat withdrawn. Which, fair, considering he’d killed the guy’s parents.

(Steve had told him how he’d asked Iron Man whether he should tell Stark about the Winter Soldier’s mission. The fact that Iron Man had then almost immediately left, only telling Steve that he’d take Stark somewhere private immediately to let him know and not to expect either of them back for a while, only supported Bucky’s idea that Stark did have access to the camera feeds.)

“So, for your arm. After I get some initial scans, we can either sit on the couch, or on the stool, depending on your preference. There’s also a more comfortable desk chair if that’s your thing. Do let me know if there’s anything you would like for distraction - movie, series, music… hell, I can get you an audiobook if that’s your thing. It’s gonna take a while, and you might get bored and everything, so I figure if there’s a way to make it easier for you, we can see what’s possible. Then again, if you have any other ideas, I kind of live to make the impossible possible, so yeah…”

Stark had rambled. Bucky had ended up going for a movie, and it didn’t seem like Stark had even noticed that he was still talking softly. Most people probably wouldn’t have heard it at all. On the bright side, he had been so focused on the arm he never noticed Bucky smiling at some of the comments he made on the movie.

They had met up a few more times about the arm, and every time Stark had tried his best to make Bucky feel as comfortable as possible. Despite what everyone said, Stark mostly just seemed awkward, almost shy.

So Bucky never got in on the rants some of the others went on sometimes. Steve disliked quite a bit about Stark, and often mentioned how the man should be more like his father. Considering a lot of the things Steve professed to dislike about the younger Stark were things Bucky recalled the older Stark doing just as much, if not more, he wondered how much of Steve’s feelings were based off nostalgia rather than the actual person Howard Stark had been. Iron Man had his private issues with Stark. The Maximoffs hated him for the bomb, Barton and Wilson both thought he was an elitist piece of shit and Natasha sneered and called him a narcissist with destructive tendencies. Thor didn’t seem to care about him one way or another. The only other person who didn’t seem to mind Tony Stark was Banner, who had worked with him on some scientific matters and admired his intelligence even if he did admit that working together could be exhausting.

He didn’t want to get into an argument with any of them, however. Trying to piece his mind back together was enough of a challenge already. Instead, he kept quiet and observed whenever they talked about Stark.

Over time, he got better. Stark (again) had been the one to come up with a way to get rid of his trigger words, and to deal with his trauma, but the man stayed away from all of them the rest of the time. (But Bucky noticed the fancy blankets and the new clothes and the gorgeous paintings and everything else that arrived at the apartment Stark had set aside for him, and the questions burned deeper.)

Slowly, he rebuilt his friendship with Steve to something new and functional. He and Natasha didn’t trust one another, but they had a wary sort of respect for one another. With Wilson, he developed a friendship based on mutual insults and poking fun at one another. A contest with Barton informed the both of them that Bucky was the better shot with a gun and Barton won with a bow, and they both managed to hit all of the targets they kept setting dead center. Thor loved sparring with him, challenging each other's strength and skills.

To his astonishment, his closest friendship grew to be with Iron Man.

Whoever was inside of the metal, he wasn’t afraid of Bucky even on his bad days and always knew how to make him feel comfortable without making him feel broken. Iron Man was the one he sought out when he felt a bit too close to the edge, either to talk or to just do something together. He learned about the good things in this new time from Iron Man, watching movies together and playing board games (though it was a good thing Bucky was not a sore loser, because he hardly ever won except reaction speed games or those few instances when a game was based solely off luck) and even doing arts and crafts (which was hilarious to watch sometimes, considering Iron Man was doing so while still inside the suit).

On a few memorable occasions, he had even been taken out to fly, holding on to Iron Man as the city disappeared behind them. Bucky loved those moments, the feeling of freedom, the utter elation of it all. If it had been possible to do nothing but flying all the time, he might actually have done that.

When Iron Man set the both of them down on the Tower’s balcony again, Bucky grinned at him. “Thank you,” was all he could manage, though he hoped the other knew how much it had meant to him.

From the way Iron Man held his arms for just a second longer, squeezing softly even though Bucky was anything but fragile, he thought he just might. “Anytime,” the mechanical voice promised.

Bucky grinned. “I might just take you up on that, you know?”

A laugh, mechanical. Impersonal, almost. Bucky wondered how Iron Man really sounded when he laughed, without the armor on. “Addictive, isn’t it?” He sounded almost wistful.

“I wonder how you bring yourself to stop, some days. There’s just something so… freeing about it,” Bucky confessed. Not to mention he looked gorgeous when flying, all smooth edges and sharp lines. If nothing else, he was grateful to Stark for making the armor in the first place, giving him a part of the future to look at and know it wasn’t all bad. Giving him his friend.

“It helps, knowing I can always fly again if I want to. Knowing it’s there when I need it.” He sighed, then. “Knowing there’s other things that need to be done.”

Even with the distortion, he sounded exhausted. Not for the first time, Bucky wondered who was behind the armor. His struggles, his challenges, his triumphs, his voice, his taste… Shaking his head, Bucky tried to dislodge the thought. It was a secret, and it was clearly meant to stay that way. “Thank you, for letting me join in on that. Though I hope me being there doesn’t make it less peaceful for you.”

“You are never an imposition, Bucky. Never.” It sounded so sincere that Bucky had to fight a blush. From the way Iron Man moved, he wondered if the other was doing the same. Bucky wondered when - “So, you feel up to watching a movie? Something epic - I don’t think we’ve seen Mulan yet, have we?” Rambling on, he led the way inside the Tower, and Bucky smiled as he followed. Emotional moments really weren’t Iron Man’s strong point, and he had a tendency of deflecting the conversation once things got too deep for him. Though he never had, Bucky suspected that pushing him would lead to other kinds of deflection. Considering everything the other had done for him, however, it seemed disrespectful not to accept the few boundaries he did set.

So they watched Mulan while Bucky ate M&M’s and Iron Man slurped up a milkshake beside him - their usual go-to’s when it came to movie snacks. And when the evening ended and Iron Man asked him “want to go see the Niagara Falls next time?”, Bucky couldn’t do anything but grin and agree. Honestly, Iron Man could’ve flown him into the sewer system and he’d still have gone along happily.

Unfortunately, there was another mission the next day. They were robots of some kind, shooting bullets and exploding once they had run out. The damage could have been worse, but considering everyone had to make sure all of the civilians were out of the line of fire first, they couldn’t get to the robots in time to prevent the explosions most of the time.

“ _What is this, Stark’s attempt to take over the world?_ ” Barton snarked as he shot down another robot.

“ _They sure explode enough to support the theory,_ ” the male Maximoff sneered. Anything to do with bombs or explosions of any kind and you could be sure that at least one of them would make a comment about Stark in one way or another.

If not both. “ _I would rather die than live in a world ruled by **Stark**._”

Iron Man scoffed. “ _The guy couldn’t keep up with a pet rock, let alone the world._ ” It was moments like these where Bucky wondered what could have made Iron Man, possibly his best friend here in the future, sarcastic and gentle and funny and caring, hate a man so much. Moments where he wondered what a man who could manage to be kind and generous to the assassin who had murdered his parents could have done to Iron Man. But he never dared to ask, afraid of the answer. “ _Not to mention this isn’t Stark’s engineering._ ”

“ _Can you get in touch with him on how to disable them?_ ” Steve asked Iron Man. He might not like Stark, but he would use his expertise in the field when it came to technical issues. There had been a few times where Iron Man, following the directions of Stark, had managed to stave off disaster.

“ _He’s working on it,_ ” was the instant answer. “ _For now, there’s a spot on the lower back that looks vulnerable and, if hit with enough force, will disable them without having them explode._ ”

With that information, it was at least a little easier to deal with them. Barton’s explosive arrows worked great on them, and Natasha was now able to aim her Widow’s bites at a spot that would get them down. Bullets had to be aimed pretty accurately, which meant Wilson was pretty much useless, and Steve’s shield had no effect on them except to break them in half and make them explode regardless.

Finally, Iron Man exclaimed “ _Got it!_ ”, and almost instantly all of the robots dropped down to the ground.

“ _Nice work, Iron Man,_ ” Steve complimented. Bucky grabbed his sniper rifle and headed off the roof, watching Barton do the same from another building.

“ _I’m going to bring at least one or two for Stark to do some research on,_ ” he told them all.

SHIELD usually kept evidence like that, but Bucky could see the sense in getting the biggest tech genius of this century to look at them himself. Even Steve had to admit as much, no matter how much he disliked Stark. “ _Just make sure all he does is research, will you? No crazy experiments._ ”

They all still remembered Ultron, no matter how much Stark insisted that it had been the scepter trying to invade his Iron Legion.

“ _Don’t worry, I’ll make sure all necessary precautions are taken,_ ” Iron Man assured all of them.

That was enough for them. They might not trust Stark, but Iron Man was their friend. He was the reason Ultron hadn’t gotten in more than an initial attack. As long as he kept an eye out, there wasn’t too much Stark should be able to do wrong.

So they took a few of the robots back to the Tower, where they gathered to have a meal to celebrate yet another victory. Iron Man, especially considering he couldn’t really eat with all of them, had one drink from a straw and then told them he’d be off to keep an eye on Stark while he did his experiments.

Of course, there was some resentment over the fact that he had to leave just to make sure his boss didn’t mess anything up. “I just wish he didn’t have to spend so much of his free time babysitting Stark,” Steve ended up sighing. “It does feel safer this way, certainly, but it would be nice to be able to spend some more time with him. He’s one of the team, but he has to be with Stark so often that we hardly get to see him except for missions…”

Bucky very carefully didn’t mention he could ask JARVIS about Iron Man at any time and the man would usually join him within ten minutes.

“It has to be terrible, being so tied to Stark and having to be around him all the time,” the Maximoff witch remarked. Sometimes, the extent of her hatred worried Bucky. She seemed fully capable and willing to hurt Stark, and while he wasn’t extremely close to the man, he didn’t think anyone deserved that. Least of all for being one of many weapons manufacturers whose bomb was the unfortunate one used to kill the Maximoffs’ parents. But while he disliked his employer intensely, Iron Man did seem fully dedicated to his protection, so probably nothing would happen.

He turned his attention to Barton when the man scoffed. “I still wonder what Stark has on Iron Man.” Bucky was aware that the man believed blackmail was involved, though he’d never been able to get the evidence to support his theory.

Wilson, at least, was somewhat kinder. “Shared experiences can bring very different people together. It might just be that whatever happened in Afghanistan had them getting to know one another.” Iron Man had turned up after Stark had returned from his kidnapping, after all. But here, too, there was no evidence. Multiple people had looked into all of the soldiers in Stark’s convoy, but all of them were accounted for, both during the kidnapping and after. Not to mention the dislike Iron Man felt.

“Enough pay, and some people will deal with a whole lot,” was another idea. It wasn’t really something any of them believed, though. Iron Man was too good a person to be swayed by money alone.

Normally, Banner preferred to be left out of the discussion. The fact that he spoke up this time made Bucky wonder if anything had changed between him and Stark. “Sometimes you have to work with people you don’t like, if you have a common goal. Perhaps, despite his dislike for Mr. Stark, Iron Man does feel like they work towards a common goal.”

That seemed like the most likely explanation to Bucky. He couldn’t believe that Stark would blackmail someone, not knowing how the man could be, and Iron Man would not compromise his own ideals just for money. But if the two of them had realized they had something they both wanted to achieve, especially if it was something Iron Man needed Stark alive for, that could be an explanation for why he would be willing to play bodyguard for a man he so clearly despised.

Natasha nodded, agreeing. “It does seem the most likely explanation. In the case of blackmail, I doubt Iron Man would be as free with expressing his dislike for Stark.” And that was true as well.

“One has to wonder what goal could unite two such different people, though,” Thor remarked.

It started a whole new debate, on what goals someone like Stark could have in common with a hero. Bucky carefully kept silent about his thoughts. From what he’d seen of Stark, he wasn’t that much unlike a hero as the rest of them seemed to think. He felt a bit like a coward for not saying anything, especially with how much the man had helped him, but he just… couldn’t, yet. One day, though. One day, he would have a talk with one of them about at least trying to respect the man whose house they all lived in, whose money they all spent as though it was their own.

Until then, he’d just sit by uncomfortably and avoid looking at any of the cameras around them.

The results they got off the robots seemed to point towards one of Stark’s rivals, though Iron Man told them that it was very likely he’d gotten some outside help. Justin Hammer, apparently, engineered more out of spite towards Stark than actual skill.

A gala that Stark would be holding in the Tower the next week would have the two of them coming face-to-face, and considering the last time they had met had involved the suspicion of Hammer working with Vanko (who had apparently tried to kill Stark, though Iron Man had put a quick stop to that) he wanted security to be as tight as possible. So all of the Avengers attended, subtly armed. Unfortunately, Steve had refused the joking suggestion that his shield be used for a dinner plate to hide it in plain sight, but it was in a room just a bit off the ballroom the main event was held in.

Iron Man was a silent sentinel at the side of the room, uncommunicative as he always was when in the same room as Stark. By now, all of the Avengers had learned that he was purely business when on guard. Just because he was uncomfortable with the amount of people in the room, and because he preferred to have a wall at his back, Bucky stood beside him.

Therefore, he was one of the first to see more of the robots approaching the windows. By the time they shot at the windows (but not through, because Stark had carefully replaced them with bulletproof glass, and the sour look on Hammer’s face indicated that he probably had something to do with the attack), he was already halfway to the door. Iron Man, as always when under attack, went straight for Stark to get him to a safe place out of sight of anyone.

It had been an issue a few times, where Steve had asked him if Stark couldn’t get himself to safety while Iron Man helped them deal with the threat, but Iron Man had told him that his first priority, despite his wishes, _had_ to be getting Stark to safety. Natasha had told him it was obvious Steve had wanted to keep asking - hell, all of them were curious - but in the end, he had decided to trust Iron Man to know what needed to be done. It seemed to have helped the bond between all of them, Iron Man letting them help out with the problems they could where he would have usually tried to solve everything on his own. By now, the teamwork was impeccable.

Steve, needing to pick up his shield anyway, helped to guide people to the safe rooms on the same floor. Being in the man’s own Tower, getting Stark to safety hadn’t taken Iron Man long at all, and he was soon fighting at their side.

The Tower itself was reinforced, Stark having anticipated attacks on either him or the Avengers living there, but the buildings around it weren’t, so they had to be careful to keep things close.

“ _The frequency isn’t the same as last time, but Stark says it probably shouldn’t take too long,_ ” Iron Man told them, shooting past to intercept one of the robots trying to dive bomb an apartment building.

“ _They still have the same weak spot,_ ” Barton informed them, his arrows finding their targets flawlessly. “ _Easy pickings._ ”

“Too easy,” Bucky grunted, suspicion tickling at the back of his mind. They were after something, and he was wondering exactly what it was. A response time for the Avengers? Just exploring while working on the big plan? Or assessing them right back while they were fighting the robots?

Not everyone appeared to agree with him, though. “ _Would rather have them be easy,_ ” Wilson commented. “ _There’s been a few too many difficult enemies already._ ”

“ _It makes no sense for them to send easy enemies, though. Not unless they want something - so either these are a distraction, or they’re a build-up to something bigger,_ ” Iron Man remarked, and Bucky knew there was a reason he liked the man.

“ _No time to focus on that now - just make sure to disable them,_ ” Steve told all of them.

Bucky made sure to keep an eye out for anything suspicious, but he didn’t see anything out of the ordinary. That feeling down his spine hadn’t gone down, though - if anything, the lack of a clear answer frustrated him even more. He dealt with the next robots he ran into with extreme prejudice, before Stark managed to shut them all down again.

For a little while, they all stood around a short distance from the Tower. “There’s something not right about this,” Iron Man was the one to break the silence, getting all of their attention. “I’m gonna see if Stark can figure anything out about them, before something even worse happens. It doesn’t look like there was any suspicious activity during the battle from what he can tell, but we need to figure this out. We’re beating them, but we have no idea where they came from…”

“Sounds like a good plan,” Steve agreed, as any sensible person would.

Still on edge, Bucky kept looking around. “Want us to bring a few of these back for Stark as well?” he asked.

“Yeah, who knows whether these have some sort of clue in them.” A shrug translated weirdly through the armor, one shoulder lifting awkwardly. Bucky suppressed the flinch that threatened to show when he realized he actually thought it looked _cute_. “Any little bit could help, I guess.”

“Will Stark even make time to do all of this?” Natasha asked critically, which Bucky thought was rather unfair. Every time they’d needed his help during a battle, he’d come through and either done his tech magic or talked Iron Man through whatever needed to be done.

So, for the first time, he actually said something about it. “He’s always come through so far.”

It wasn’t much, not nearly everything he wanted to say, but he’d tried, and he could feel his heartbeat increasing with the risk of conflict.

Most of the others were looking at him with _worry_ , of all things. He couldn’t read the face of Iron Man’s armor, and he wondered what the man was thinking about Bucky defending the boss he clearly didn’t like. Trying to make sure not to show any of his urge to move away from all of them, he clenched his metal fist in an attempt to comfort himself, enjoying the smooth feel of it and reminding himself he owed that to Stark.

“He’ll make time for this,” was all Iron Man ended up saying in the end, and it sounded almost like a threat. Not for the first time, Bucky wondered about the relationship between the two of them.

Steve ended up shrugging it off, though. “Let us know when he’s got something, would you?” Like he couldn’t ask Stark himself.

Jaw clenched, Bucky moved back towards the Tower, one of the robots with him. Unfortunately, Iron Man soon caught up with him, also holding a robot and some spare parts of another one. “You alright, Buckaroo?”

They were back at the tower by now, heading into the elevator together. Bucky wondered if he should say anything, or whether he should just let things go. He was increasingly aware of the cameras hanging around, quite possibly allowing Stark to see everything that happened, and decided that, for once, the man deserved to see someone at least not hating him. “I just… don’t get why everyone dislikes Stark so much. Why you do.”

Iron Man remained silent for a long moment as the elevator moved them up, in the direction of the hallway in front of Stark’s lab. Without an appointment, none of them had ever been allowed in, except possibly Iron Man. “I dislike him because he’s not a good person.”

It sounded so simple, and yet… “I’m… not so sure about that,” he hesitantly told his friend. “He doesn’t seem that bad to me.” Not with everything Stark had done for him, including things that were simply to make him _more comfortable_ rather than just able to fight alongside the Avengers.

“It’s better not to delude yourself,” Iron Man told him, sounding more distant than usual. “Stark’s a worthless piece of trash and he’s never going to be anything more than that.”

Bucky frowned. “What, you think people can’t change?” he challenged.

“I don’t, actually,” was the curt reply.

His jaw clenched. “So Natasha and I are never going to be anything but merciless killing machines according to you?” Bucky had tried so very hard to change, to be different. To have Iron Man telling him he thought it would never happen cut deeper than he thought it would have.

Unfortunately, the faceplate gave nothing away. “According to me, people don’t change the core of their being,” he said, somehow making it sound like he was arguing instead of agreeing. But then he continued. “People can change the way they act, and they can be made to change how they act. You were Bucky Barnes far before HYDRA forced you into becoming the Winter Soldier. Natasha was just a little girl, forced into a program that made her into a ruthless assassin. And here the both of you are, using those skills they forced you to learn, using the torture you went through, in order to try to make the world _better_. Because they might have forced you into acting a certain way, but that didn’t change the fact that, at the core, both of you are _good_.”

“What makes you so sure Stark isn’t?”

“I know him. I know that the reason bad things happened wasn’t because he was forced into anything, or that he had no choice. He had every choice in the world and decided to be a lazy, drunk asshole instead of actually _doing_ something with everything he had. That was his decision, and he made that decision for years. He might have changed his tune after personally experiencing the consequences of that lack of care, but that doesn’t change the fact that he didn’t choose to do good until _that_ was practically forced on him.”

The vehemence in his friend’s voice was astonishing, like he’d been waiting years to say all of this. Perhaps he had been. And the worst part was, Bucky didn’t know Stark well enough to be able to disprove most of it for sure.

Still, he felt he owed it to the man to at least try. “It may have been forced, but he kept going, and he kept doing better. Not to mention there might have been circumstances that you don’t know about that influenced the way he lived his life. All I’m saying is, he’s doing good now. Doesn’t he at least deserve the benefit of the doubt?”

By now, they had reached their floor, and both of them dragged their robots over to the entrance to the lab. Iron Man remained silent while they did so, presumably contemplating what Bucky had said.

In the end, he sighed. “I don’t know why you’re defending him, but I can tell you he doesn’t deserve it. Who do you think knows him better, between the two of us?”

Swallowing, Bucky replied “I’m not so sure anymore”. He knew it was taking a risk, but Stark had helped him out, more than he’d had to. Despite the fact that he was a dangerous assassin that should not be trusted, Stark had given him not only a place to live, but a place he could come to call home. Despite the fact that Bucky had murdered his parents, Stark had been the one that had gotten him the softest fleece blanket he’d ever felt, a lovely dark grey with silver stitching, which had helped him after many nightmares. Despite the fact that everyone in the Tower seemed to hate or at least dislike him, Stark had never said a single word or hurt any of them for what they had said about him.

He couldn’t help but wonder if Stark believed it, himself.

Iron Man scoffed. “You’ll see. One day, he’ll end up disappointing you, too. He disappoints everyone who cares in the end. Just make sure you take care of yourself and don’t… don’t start caring too much, please. I don’t want to see you hurt.” It had started out bitter, but by the end Bucky wasn’t sure what to think anymore.

Just what had Stark _done_ to Iron Man?

The more he wondered, the more he was becoming sure that he didn’t really want to know. It couldn’t be anything good. Not if it put two people he truly believed to be good at such odds.

Later, lying in his bed and cuddling his fleece blanket, he tried to figure out if it was Stark, if the man had somehow fooled Bucky into believing he was good when he wasn’t. He honestly tried. But the look on Stark’s face reminded him more of a beaten-down puppy than a bad man just waiting for his chance to hurt.

It would make some sense, going for Bucky. He’d come in without the dislike the others carried, instead feeling guilty over what he had done. Objectively, he made an easy target.

But he couldn’t believe it. He knew how to read people, knew how to tell whether they were just waiting to hurt him. HYDRA had taught him that, quite possibly more than they had taught him anything else. Stark didn’t look like that, didn’t even look like the ones who had been forced to serve HYDRA and carried that pain and anger in their eyes.

Stark looked like the ones that had given up on fighting.

Perhaps it was the fact that Bucky could see himself reflected in the man in some ways. It was like looking into a mirror - somewhat distorted, but similar in so many ways. Except Stark didn’t have anyone to be kind to him, to give him the things he hadn’t even realized he needed until he felt the soft fleece and something inside him _relaxed_. Instead there was distaste and hatred. And he didn’t do a thing to stop it, hadn’t even mentioned it to Bucky in the times he had been to the lab for maintenance on his arm. Hadn’t told Bucky that, really, out of all people _he_ should know better, which he felt like he would have deserved.

Instead he retreated, staying back and out of everyone’s way. There was something wrong with it, but Bucky wasn’t sure there was anything he could do about it, or if he even should.

He just didn’t know.

After a night of restless sleep, he asked JARVIS if it would be possible for him to join Stark down in the lab. It was the only place the man ever went without Iron Man by his side, aside from the panic room he hid in whenever Iron Man was called out with the Avengers.

“ _Sir will see you in an hour, Sergeant Barnes,_ ” the AI informed him. No doubt Stark still had some project to finish.

“Thank you, JARVIS.” Bucky decided he’d spend the time wisely and make some breakfast for himself. Then, he wondered whether Stark would’ve had any breakfast yet. Fortunately, there was an easy way to find that out. “Does Mr. Stark still need breakfast?”

“ _He has not eaten breakfast yet, Sergeant Barnes,_ ” was all the reply he got. Reading between the lines, he was guessing Stark wouldn’t be getting breakfast on his own. So rather than making breakfast just for himself, he put in some extra effort so he’d have a plate for Stark as well, adding blueberry pancakes and a small bowl of fruit to his own, heartier breakfast. All things considered, this felt like the least he could do.

When it was time, he carried the tray over to the elevator, waiting for JARVIS to drop him off at the right floor.

Stark looked at him in confused astonishment when he saw the plate. “Is that… because you didn’t have time for breakfast yet? Because if it is, I could’ve waited a little longer so you could finish, you know?”

“I asked JARVIS if you’d had breakfast yet, and he said no, so I thought I might as well bring you some while I was busy anyway,” Bucky explained, trying his best not to feel awkward. It didn’t help that he hardly ever talked to Stark except when it came to needing something, which he felt a little bad about.

“Okay?” It came out more of a question than a confirmation, but Stark did set aside the smaller project he was working on to join Bucky in eating, taking small bites as he did. “So, what can I help you with?”

The question made him want to frown. Hell, he wondered if anyone ever went to see Stark without needing something. Maybe Rhodes and Potts, but even then, he couldn’t quite be sure. The first one had plenty to request for War Machine, after all, and the second one was the CEO of Stark’s company. He really hoped they did sometimes. Hell, Bucky was the one who disliked Stark the least out of all of the Avengers, and even he had only ever really seen Stark when he needed something.

He’d originally planned to tell Stark an excuse to be down here - an excuse that would involve needing something from the other man. Instead, he went with the truth. “I mostly wanted to… well, I wanted to get to know you better.”

“You wanted to… Are you sure?” Stark asked him, sounding astonishingly sincere. “You know you don’t need to do that for me to help out, right?”

That only confirmed what Bucky had already known before - Stark was not alright. No one who was an actual narcissist like Natasha had claimed would actually be wondering why someone wanted to get to know them, let alone imply that it was somehow a way to get more stuff out of them. “Oh, I know that. You’ve done so much already that I’ll never be able to thank you enough for.” Not that he hadn’t tried, despite Stark trying his very best to shrug it off. “It’s… You seem like a nice person. You’re sure as hell kind to me, which you didn’t have to be. Not to mention that, well, you might not know… or you might, I don’t know what Steve’s said about me, but I really like the whole… science, and robots, and the future.”

Oh God, that sounded so awkward. He wasn’t able to help the blush that showed up on his face at that, and he was mostly trying very hard not to think about his very favorite robot.

“I’m sorry if… You’re free to tell me if you don’t want to, of course,” he rushed to assure Stark. “I mean, what with my past… I can imagine if you wouldn’t want to hang out with me except when you need to. But, well… I thought I could try, at least, see if you’d mind or not.”

If he’d thought Stark looked surprised at the breakfast, it was nothing compared to now. Intriguingly, it showed mostly in his eyes, slightly wider than usual and seeming oddly hopeful. “No, I don’t mind, really. It’s just, I’m not sure why you would want to spend time with me? Though if you like robots, that makes sense. Iron Man could show you those as well, though. I know you like spending time with him. I could get him to show you around if you’d prefer?”

As tempting as it was to think this meant Stark was just trying to get him out, Bucky didn’t think that was the case. Not with the way Stark seemed unable to comprehend the thought that he might actually want to hang out with Iron Man’s _creator_ for once. “I spend lots of time with him already, and it’s all great… As is the time I spend with Steve, and Natasha, and the others when I do. But I’ve been living here for months now, and I’ve only really seen you when I needed something from you. I feel like I hardly know you at all, and that just seems… wrong.” He really hoped this didn’t set them back further.

“If you’re really sure. Though you’re free to bow out if you want, no hard feelings,” Stark tried one last time. It only made Bucky more determined to actually try.

“Very sure,” he clarified.

It didn’t go smoothly, of course. Especially in the beginning, Stark was _very_ hesitant, clearly expecting Bucky to get tired of him or angry with him or any other bad reaction. But as time went on, he became more free in his reactions, introducing Bucky to his three bots and explaining what had gone into creating them.

Slowly but surely, Bucky went down every other day, usually with a meal - lunch worked really well, considering that meant he could work out with Steve in the morning and get some things done, then spend time with Stark - now Tony - in the afternoon before heading back to the common areas again to have dinner with the rest of the Avengers and to spend the evening with any configuration of them. The only thing that still bothered him was the fact that they had team nights in Tony’s Tower and the man was never invited. He was hesitant to bring it up, however, knowing at least some of the others would be against it. Not to mention the fact that even the ones that wouldn’t outright be against it would still be uncomfortable, or not as kind as Bucky knew they could be. It wasn’t a good situation, but he wasn’t sure how to change it, either.

Iron Man still seemed to lack comprehension of why Bucky would want to hang out with Tony, especially since it was just after his warning about his boss hurting the ones who cared about him.

“It’s not that I don’t trust you, really,” Bucky told him one evening as they flew over the ocean. “I just… You asked who knew him better, between the two of us, and I realized I hadn’t really gotten to know him. It kinda felt like taking advantage, you know? All of us only really go to the lab, or to see him, because we want something from him. And that just didn’t seem right.”

For a long time, Iron Man was silent. Rather than wind himself up over what his closest friend was thinking, Bucky enjoyed the sight of the ocean below him and the stars above, as though the rest of the world had just fallen away.

“I won’t say I understand, because I don’t,” Iron Man told him. “I don’t get what is nice in any way about hanging out with him, and why you keep going back. I also have to admit I don’t like you putting yourself on the line like this. I meant it when I said he hurts everyone, whether he wants to or not. But you’re free to make your own choices, even if I don’t get them or agree with them.” And this was why, in this time, _this_ man was his best friend. Because he let Bucky make his own choices, decide who he wanted to be and how he wanted to go about his life, no matter how much he disagreed. “Just be sure to consider it carefully, and if you ever feel like you need space from him or anything, feel free to take that space.”

“Don’t worry about me.” By now, he _had_ gotten to know Tony some, and he honestly didn’t believe the man was nearly as terrible as Iron Man and the Maximoffs, and even sometimes the rest of the Avengers, made him out to be.

Of course, the man could hurt him if he started to care, but then again, so could anyone. And the more he got to know Tony, the more he was starting to think that the man wouldn’t hurt anyone on purpose, not really. That never stopped such things from happening accidentally, of course, but that could always happen. Having spent years controlled by HYDRA, Bucky wasn’t about to stop himself from caring about someone just because he was afraid of being hurt in the end.

Iron Man scoffed. “You’re my friend - I’m allowed to worry if I want to,” he teased, and Bucky felt warm inside. Fortunately, strapped into the harness that allowed Iron Man to carry him more easily, it was impossible to see his blush.

“If you insist,” he replied, trying his best to sound put-upon rather than happy. The chuckle Iron Man let out made him doubt he’d managed.

Talk then devolved again, ranging from what movie to watch when they got home to the latest missions the Avengers had gone on. A few of them had been new things, or the occasional accident created by either science or magic, but they had faced the exploding bullet-bots two more times, getting more efficient at taking them down quickly every time.

Unfortunately, Tony still hadn’t managed to figure out a whole lot more than the basics - the materials they were made from, the frequencies that worked to put them out, and the new and improved weak spot at the sternum. Bucky had seen him working on it, had even brainstormed with him a few times, but they hadn’t gotten any further. It was utterly frustrating, and from the stress he could see rising in Tony every time they discussed it he knew it wasn’t just him.

“So far, there’s not been a whole lot to go off. He’s got his suspicions on Hammer helping out, and some of his new buying patterns support it, but there’s nothing that would be enough for a warrant.”

“So the materials didn’t set off any flags?” The last Bucky had heard, Tony wanted to try to see if any of the rarer materials were somewhat easy to trace.

“Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but no. Hammer ordered enough of it that it _could_ be him, but then again, so did Stark himself. They’re not that common outside of engineering, but they’re not rare when it comes to the industry.” They’d been afraid of that.

“I just wish there was something that could actually be pinned on Hammer, or even whoever is actually doing it. It all just feels like it’s building up to a grand finale, and we don’t even know why.” His suspicions had only gotten worse with every fight - the robots weren’t difficult to handle, once they had figured out the weak spot, and Tony was getting very quick at finding their disabling frequency. It had all the markings of a trap, and it was making Bucky twitchy.

He wasn’t the only one, either. The others still appreciated the ease of the fights, but the ones who had any brains had started catching on as well, which made all of them restless.

The worst part was the fact that Bucky suspected the trap was either aimed specifically at Tony or Iron Man, or it was worse than that and whoever was doing this was just testing to see how to best take down the Avengers. In either case, he didn’t like it at all.

“Don’t we all… Not to mention it’s fairly obvious it’s Hammer, considering he’s been putting out stuff that is _way_ better than his usual, but we don’t actually have any concrete proof that’d hold up in court. Just suspicions. And I just _know_ this is gonna end badly one way or another, I can _feel_ it, but so far it just doesn’t seem like there’s anything I can do about it.”

“Exactly that,” Bucky couldn’t help but agree. They were all walking into a trap, slowly but surely.

One evening, a few nights ago, they’d discussed possible resolutions. The only thing they could figure out was getting to Hammer illegally, and there were so many problems with that. Cross that line once, and it became more and more easy to cross it again later.

So far, they’d told SHIELD their suspicions and hoped they would be able to do something with it instead.

Oddly enough, things settled down some after that. Bucky had a good routine going, was even spending some time on trying out hobbies - some suggested by Iron Man, others by some of the Avengers, and even one or two by Tony - and found he was actually _enjoying_ himself. He still did stuff with Iron Man and the others, but he also had some things that were just for him, and he found he rather liked that. Tony had told him not to worry about the cost of his hobbies, since he could easily pay for whatever Bucky wanted to do, but that wasn’t how he wanted things to be. So he made do with relatively little, and some of the products of his attempts ended up going to Tony (as long as they weren’t likely to give him food poisoning or a heart attack).

Steve sometimes wanted to spend a little more time together than Bucky was up for, especially since he was trying to spread his time to get to know his new team as well as hanging out with Iron Man or Tony, depending on the day. He had to admit that, on the days where Tony had to go out of the Tower and inevitably took Iron Man with him, he had a bit of a tendency to mope. Over time, he got increasingly unsure whose absence he was regretting more.

Iron Man was still his best friend, and Bucky couldn’t deny the attraction he felt despite the fact that he only ever got to see the armor - or maybe _because_ of the armor, in part. But the metal did put a distance between them in some ways, and Bucky wondered if he would ever get to see who Iron Man was outside of the armor. Then again, that wasn’t entirely fair. He might not know the looks of the man inside, but he sure as hell knew his character, which was a lot more of the reason for his attraction. Iron Man was funny, intelligent, sarcastic and witty at the same time, and he was, at his core, the perfect definition of a hero.

Then there was Tony, and he’d put a lot of effort into getting to know the man behind what everyone else said of him. He’d done so despite warnings from Iron Man, Steve, the other Avengers and even Tony himself. In the end, though, he found it more than worth it. Tony was a lot shyer (and if that wasn’t a word that seemed out of place, considering what everyone said of him) and more hesitant than Iron Man, but Bucky thought that if the two of them were to get along, they’d find they had a somewhat similar sense of humor. That aside, Tony was incredibly kind, considerate, and absolutely willing to do anything to make others happy. At one time, Bucky had wondered how often that had been taken advantage of, before realizing that, to some extent, the Avengers were even now taking advantage of that. He was also incredibly smart, and Bucky loved seeing him at work and creating the future. It didn’t hurt that he was also gorgeous and his ass was a work of art.

While spending time with either of them, he tried very hard not to bring up the other. It wasn’t that difficult - both Iron Man and Tony seemed content to exist alongside one another without interacting all that much, and neither of them ever brought up the other except for Avengers business. It wasn’t perfect, but Bucky suspected that it wasn’t likely to get a whole lot better without a serious intervention. An intervention he wasn’t in a state to set up, and an intervention no one else seemed to care enough to. Well, Rhodes and Potts, perhaps, but Bucky still wondered if they were aware of the way at least Iron Man thought of Tony.

Overall, though, his life was looking up. Which was, of course, when it all had to come crashing down.

The robots were back. If nothing else, they were good practice for their teamwork, but Bucky knew they couldn’t stay relatively harmless forever. In the past month, he’d become even more certain they were a trap of some sort, though he had no idea what kind.

As it turned out, they _had_ been testing the Avengers’ defenses, bit by bit. They’d also been taking note of all of their fighting styles, as evidenced by the way they managed to hold their own against them. Natasha had some success with switching up fighting styles, and the Hulk, the Scarlet Witch and Thor were mostly kept busy rather than taken down so far. Bucky had the advantage of mostly having shown off his sniping skills, which meant his hand-to-hand combat was a relative unknown and not similar enough to Steve’s to imitate the defenses they used for him. Impressively enough, Iron Man also managed to switch things around enough that they couldn’t quite take him down, despite repeated attempts.

What was unclear so far was their ultimate purpose. The weak spots had been removed, the frequencies Tony had used before to deactivate them completely useless, and they all managed to hold down their ‘assigned’ Avenger fairly well. Thor’s were the sturdiest, able to withstand both his lightning bolts and hits from his hammer. The Scarlet Witch had little effect on the ones converging on her, and the more she started to panic, the more she reverted to just throwing them away from her. The Hulk had been aggravated enough that he was playing an odd sort of tag with a few other robots - it was entirely likely they wouldn’t be able to handle his strength, but they shot some sort of electric arrow at him that enraged him even further. Both he and Natasha were holding off their robots and hadn’t gotten too injured so far, but they were also distracted enough that they couldn’t do much to help out anyone else.

The worst part was that some of the others had gotten injured. Being unenhanced humans, Falcon and Hawkeye had been the first ones taken down, and Bucky wasn’t sure what would’ve happened to either of them if it hadn’t been for Steve and Iron Man interfering in the first case and Natasha and Iron Man intercepting the robots in the second case. Quicksilver was down next, his enhanced speed anticipated by the robots, but the Scarlet Witch had moved to defend him instantly, though Bucky wasn’t sure how much longer she would last. Steve, though strong, had a relatively predictable fighting style that left him nearly defenseless after throwing his shield, which the robots had taken advantage of. A few shots from Iron Man had distracted them enough that Bucky had been able to get to his friend, but even he was tiring.

“ _What are they trying to achieve?_ ” Natasha gasped out over the comms. She was wily enough to avoid getting caught out by the robots, but it clearly took a lot of effort.

“So far they’ve been working on taking everyone out,” Bucky noted. “Everyone who isn’t out is being kept busy. So either they want to take us all out, or they’re trying to distract us from something else that’s happening.”

A repulsor beam shot right by him, hitting a robot trying to sneak up on him. “ _Or both,_ ” Iron Man remarked, sounding grim. “ _Stark and JARVIS are trying to work out what they might be up to, and whether there’s another frequency that’ll work to knock them out without taking half the city with them, but it’s not getting anywhere soon so far._ ”

“ _They have gotten more advanced very sudden -_ ” Thor’s voice cut off with a grunt as another one of them hit him. He was sturdier than humans, and so far the robots fighting him and the Hulk had spent their time ramming into them in an attempt to weaken them.

“ _Thor, move back!_ ” Iron Man suddenly called out. Just in time, a beam from his gauntlet pushed back a robot far enough that Thor wasn’t caught in the explosion.

“Shit,” Bucky cursed, looking around warily.

With Steve down, they didn’t have anyone officially in command, but Iron Man tried his best to make up for the lack. “ _Thor, get away from the robots, grab up Falcon and Hawkeye and fly. Get them to safety. Winter, grab Cap and Quicksilver and follow as quickly as possible. Make sure to stay out of range of the robots - I don’t think they care all that much anymore about keeping us alive._ ”

Bucky considered offering to stay and help out, but he knew it was the best solution. Iron Man was their direct link to Tony and the only flyer except for Thor. The Hulk was too easily distracted and still keeping about ten of the robots busy. Scarlet Witch, if she managed to calm down some, would be highly useful as well. Natasha might not be quite as useful as he was, but she wouldn’t be able to carry their two other teammates to safety.

As it turned out, Steve’s shield did help out at least some when it came to getting out, though a lot of his attention was spent making sure he could hold both Steve and Quicksilver safely. The others covered his and Thor’s retreat, making sure the robots didn’t follow. “ _Two streets to the west, there’s a SHIELD van. Maria should be there - hand them over to SHIELD and then come back as quickly as possible._ ”

By the time the two of them got back, the situation hadn’t gotten a whole lot better. Iron Man had Natasha and the Scarlet Witch covering each other’s backs while he tried to keep the rest busy, as well as blasting any robots that looked ready to explode off the Hulk’s back.

“ _Now what?_ ” Natasha asked, still sounding winded. Bucky was rather worried she wouldn’t be able to hold out for the rest of the fight.

The Scarlet Witch wasn’t looking great either, paler than usual and sweat shining on her face. “ _I’m not sure how much longer I can keep them away,_ ” she admitted. He might not like her all that much, but Bucky also didn’t want her to die.

“You can’t rip them apart?” he asked her. Considering the amounts they were fighting, she might have gone with brute force rather than the more delicate work ripping them apart would require.

“ _I tried at the beginning, but my magic can’t touch them. Not really._ ”

Damn, that would make things significantly more difficult. Especially since, apparently, they were determined to stick to their tactic of trying to explode while on the Avengers. It left Bucky with some difficulty, considering his bullets did nothing and he was stuck with close-range fighting. On the bright side, he’d brought Steve’s shield, which did help him some. It stopped the explosions from reaching him, at least.

“ _There are too many of them,_ ” Thor grunted, holding off a few of his own.

Natasha let out a cry when one of them managed to get a hit on her, weakening her leg. “ _What is their **plan**!?_”

A small explosion sounded from the direction of the Hulk, who roared immediately after. Bucky couldn’t be sure he was fine, and hoped Iron Man would check. Frustrated, he smacked the shield at one of the robots as though it was a hammer, which predictably didn’t have a whole lot more success than Thor and the Scarlet Witch had been having. Whatever they were made of, it could take a hit.

“ _Try gathering them all together. There’s a plan,_ ” Iron Man told them, not elaborating further. “ _They’re mostly circling us, so get closer together. I’ll make sure the Hulk gets over there as well. And Widow - don’t you dare get hurt further, I need you to help with the Hulk later._ ”

“ _I’ll work on it,_ ” Natasha replied, voice deadpan.

So far, she and Iron Man had been the best by far at rallying the Hulk and getting him to follow any plan more intricate than ‘smash’. The fact that Iron Man needed her to do so later did make Bucky wonder what the plan was, but he didn’t have time to think on it too much. Not with their lives on the line.

It wasn’t quick, but they managed to gather all of the robots somewhat together. All of them stuck together the best they could while trying not to interfere with one another’s fighting style, Bucky teaming up with Natasha while Thor and the Scarlet Witch worked together at range. Iron Man was helping out everyone at once, keeping an eye out on Hulk, taking out flying enemies that tried to get to him and Natasha and compensating for the Scarlet Witch’s flagging energy.

“ _Very good. Widow, I need you to take Hulk out of here please. Scarlet, I’m sorry, but I need you to make sure none of them escape either south or east, can you manage to knock them back if they try?_ ” He waited for her confirmation before continuing. “ _Alright, good. Thor, I need you to cover north and west if possible. Winter, you follow Widow and Hulk and make sure the robots stay back._ ”

Bucky frowned. “I can cover the street to the west as well if you need me to. Widow is fine dealing with Hulk, and that way Thor and Scarlet can share the other three,” he suggested.

“ _You fight close-ranged, which is not a good idea when it comes to this plan. I need everyone except Thor and Scarlet Witch to clear the area._ ”

A small, worried feeling bloomed in his chest. “What is the plan, exactly?”

“ _I have no time to explain it right now, so please just listen to me when I tell you to get clear. I’m not sure how long we can keep them this contained, especially if they realize what’s going on, and they’re counting down to something._ ” Something in Iron Man’s voice sent shivers up his spine. He wasn’t sure whether it was the pleading, the desperation, or the obvious tension he could hear, but Bucky was _not_ in favor of this plan.

“Iron Man…”

Behind him, Natasha was leading the Hulk away to the others, calmly talking to him about how they had done enough smashing, and wouldn’t he like one of the candy bars waiting for him in the Tower. Bucky lingered though, kicking back two of the robots when they tried to follow and smacking a third with Steve’s shield.

“ _This is the only way without letting them achieve what they want to, now **please** leave,_” Iron Man practically begged him. Bucky felt like he had a rock wedged in his stomach.

“Look, whatever you’re planning, there has to be another way. Maybe Tony can figure out something - ”

To his astonishment, it was Tony’s voice that cut him off. “ _I ran all the calculations, this is the only way. They’re on a countdown, they **cannot** reach zero. You need to leave the area, **now! Leave Iron Man behind!**_ ”

It distracted him enough that Natasha, having caught on, actually had the Hulk picking him up. “Come on, we need to go. Trust Iron Man, if you don’t trust Stark.”

Held by the Hulk, it didn’t matter how much he struggled to get back. “I have no idea what this plan is, but it’s _not a good plan and we need to go back now_ ,” he tried, hearing the desperation in his own voice. The Hulk didn’t let him go, though, and while Natasha looked like she hesitated for a moment, she gave a brief shake of the head that was enough of an answer for him.

He renewed his struggles, only falling still when he could hear the others talking on the comms.

“ _Thor, Scarlet, I’m going to start a countdown. When I reach zero, knock them as close to me as possible. Don’t worry about them hitting me, just get them **close** ,_” Iron Man told the two of them.

“ _Affirmative,_ ” came Thor’s voice.

“ _As long as it’s soon,_ ” Scarlet Witch gasped out, sounding exhausted.

“ _After you’ve done that, I need you to move away, as far and as fast as you can. Now get ready._ ”

“Iron Man, what is going on!?” He didn’t understand, didn’t like where this was going, hated how it sounded like things would not be ending well for his closest friend. “Iron Man!”

“ _Three, two, one, **zero**!_”

Bucky ripped himself away from the Hulk, startling both him and Natasha, and turned back to where the fight was, too far to be able to do anything as he heard both Thor and the Scarlet Witch cry out. He could see, then, Thor heading their way, his hammer dragging him through the air.

If he’d been expecting a big explosion, he was disappointed. Instead, there was what felt like a shockwave of sorts. Bucky cringed when he felt a painful twinge in his arm, but it was still useable and he wasn’t sure what had happened.

Silence fell. “Iron Man?” he asked, voice shaky. What had happened?

Natasha was the one to take over then, voice business-like. “Does anyone have a visual on the battlefield?”

“ _I’m heading back there now,_ ” Scarlet responded. She sounded like she could go sleep and not wake up for another month. “ _I’m not hearing anything anymore, though. Not even the robots._ ”

Almost without realizing, Bucky moved back in the direction they had come from. One step, one more, and then he was running. He saw Thor flying from the corner of his eye, but he didn’t pay much attention to his teammate. “Iron Man? What is going on?” he tried again, hoping desperately that he’d get an answer this time. There was only silence, though.

A soft gasp came across the comms, and he knew Scarlet Witch had reached the battlefield.

“ _I don’t…_ ” There were too many emotions in her voice to understand.

Then Bucky got there, just ahead of Thor, and realized why. All of the robots were down, scattered across the street. In the middle of them was Iron Man, Scarlet Witch by his side. But he wasn’t moving, might not even be breathing. Looking at him, Bucky knew something was off. Something wasn’t right.

As he got closer, he could see what was missing. The arc reactor, always shining bright blue in the armor’s chest, appeared to be gone. In its place was a hole, far deeper than the armor. A hole that seemed to reach directly into the chest of Iron Man’s pilot.

“ _What can we do?_ ” Thor asked, staring at the hole as well. All three of them were, horrified.

Suddenly, there was another voice on the comms. “ _Do not touch anything. There are two of the Iron Legion on their way - if anything can be done to help, they can,_ ” JARVIS told them.

So they waited, looking at the still form of their friend. Bucky wondered if he was breathing, if his heart was still beating, if… He couldn’t pull his eyes away from the hole in his friend’s chest. It was too deep, too big, to be harmless. He had no idea what the arc reactor was doing _inside_ someone’s chest, why someone would do that to themselves.

Unless, of course, he hadn’t done it to himself. If he’d had it done to him, because it was the only way to pilot the armor. The armor Tony had created.

Bucky felt nauseous.

Finally, two more robots appeared, one of them carrying an arc reactor. Having never seen it out of its casing, Bucky hadn’t realized how big it was, how it would have required more of a hole than just what was in the armor.

The robot expertly reattached the new reactor before standing back, beside the other one. Bucky could feel his heart beat in his throat as he waited, begged for Iron Man to move again, to talk, anything. Anything to prove that he was still alive, that he hadn’t killed himself - been forced to kill himself? - , that he hadn’t left Bucky to mourn him without even saying goodbye.

It seemed like ages before anything happened, but finally, Bucky saw Iron Man’s fingers twitching. A soft, pained-sounding groan sounded across their comms. “Did it work?” were the first words out of his mouth, sounding like his throat had been in a fight with a cheese grater.

For the life of him, Bucky couldn’t have answered. Relief and rage were fighting for superiority, and he could only sit there and watch as Iron Man slowly levered himself up.

“Whatever the plan was, it seems to have worked,” Natasha’s voice came from behind him, the one person who could sneak up on him regularly.

Iron Man looked around at all of the robots lying around. “JARVIS?”

“ _I managed to piggyback the transmission and destroyed the data they received. SHIELD has agents on the way to their location right now,_ ” JARVIS informed all of them. There was too much that none of them knew about, too much that hadn’t been communicated about this plan.

“How did you manage to disable all of them?” Thor asked. “Nothing appeared to be working.”

“I’m guessing this can’t wait until a more official debrief?” Iron Man asked, sounding about as exhausted as Maximoff, who was sitting by them and looked half-asleep already. Then, he sighed. “When Ultron happened, it was only some preparation and good luck that had us stopping him on time. So it was decided that the Iron Man armor could use some emergency weapons, should anything similar happen and there was no other way to stop an enemy. The arc reactor has a lot of power, which means it can power a good variety of weapons if done right. In this case, it was a heavy-duty EMP that would basically destroy any active circuitry around.”

Unsteadily, Iron Man moved to stand up. Despite everything, Bucky quickly got up to support him, feeling the weight of the armor leaning on him more than it ever had. Iron Man was clearly not okay.

“Now, I really need to get back to the Tower. Trust me when I say there’ll be a better report later, but I need to get out of the armor.”

“I take it we don’t really have a choice?” Natasha only half-asked. “Very well, then. It might be better if everyone is up and about, anyway.” She paused briefly before putting a hand on Iron Man’s arm. “Take care of yourself.”

He nodded briefly in response before stumbling forward in the direction of the Iron Legion robots standing sentry. They moved to his sides then, taking one arm each, and supported him as they took to the air to get back to the Tower. Bucky watched them as they disappeared, ears rushing.

As they gathered together, he remained silent. Hill arranged for the injured members of the Avengers to head over to medical. The Scarlet Witch hadn’t really been injured, but was unwilling to leave her brother’s side. Banner was mostly exhausted, and Thor offered to get him back to the Tower so he could sleep in a comfortable bed. After making him promise to get Banner to eat something first, Natasha sent them off.

Bucky shrugged her off, following them. He was tired, might have a few bruises, but he wasn’t injured. Not physically. And there was someone he needed to talk to.

Back at the Tower, he told JARVIS to take him directly to the lab and to tell Stark that he needed to speak to him. Now.

The elevator remained still for a few moments, presumably while JARVIS asked his creator what to do, before moving. Bucky hoped it was going where he wanted to go, because he wasn’t above forcing his way in right now. Wasn’t above doing whatever it took to talk to the man who had made his friend nearly kill himself.

Fortunately for all those involved, the elevator did stop at the lab. Bucky stepped out, jaw clenched, and walked up to the door. It slid open smoothly, letting him in.

It was darker than usual, the lights on fairly low. He could see Stark sitting at the desk, not even getting up as he strode closer. In the back of his mind, he noted that the man looked rather pale, but he couldn’t bring himself to care right now. As much as he might regret it now, he had nearly gotten Iron Man killed.

“What the hell was that?” he growled out, glaring at Stark.

“What was necessary,” was the asinine reply he got to that, and he had to rein himself in before he rammed his fist into the man’s face.

Instead, he bared his teeth, hating the fact that Stark couldn’t even be bothered to look like he cared about any of this. “You nearly _got him killed_!”

“He’s a _hero_ ,” Stark answered, and Bucky couldn’t quite tell what that tone was. “Every day, you’re out there risking your lives. And every battle, you know the moment might come that you have to sacrifice yourself to win it. He did what he had to do.”

For a brief moment, Bucky hated him. “And why is he a hero, huh? Why does he have a hole in his chest the size of my fist? Why is _he_ the one making all the sacrifices?” he snarled.

Stark’s chuckle sounded bitter. “Because he has to,” was all he said.

“No.” Bucky was trembling with anger. “You do not get to dismiss everything he is, everything he does, with such a _shit_ answer. He deserves better than that, way better. _Tell me_ why he’s the one out there risking his life while you sit here in your safe little hole, telling him what to do. Tell me what you did to him!”

“I made him. I made him who he is, what he is. A hero.” This time, he did hear the tone. Bitterness. Distaste. Jealousy.

Bucky sneered, disgusted. “I thought you were a good person.”

“It’s a mistake lots of people make when getting to know me. Don’t feel too bad about it.” Of course Iron Man knew better. Bucky should’ve listened to his friend when he warned him about Stark. Who the hell knew Stark better, after all?

He wanted to curse at Stark, to rage and to ask him why and to tell him that he deserved to die. Instead, he turned around and left. He was far too close to a murderous rage, and even if Stark deserved it, Bucky was determined to be better than that.

Two broken punching bags later, Bucky was breathing heavily and leaning against a third. His knuckles were bleeding, since he hadn’t bothered to put on gloves or even wrapping his hands up. He’d needed to hit something that wasn’t Stark, needed to get rid of some of his frustration before he did something he would regret later. Possibly.

The door opened to Natasha coming in. She looked at him, assessing, and he inspected her in return. There were a few light bruises, and her leg had probably been wrapped up, but other than that she looked fine.

“Steve’s already woken up - they wanted to keep him two more hours for observation and to be sure he doesn’t aggravate his broken ribs and leg, but he looks like he’ll be just fine. Sam, Clint and Pietro are all going to be out for a bit, considering the broken bones they all got won’t heal as quickly as Steve’s. Wanda’s still there, in her own bed, sleeping, though they didn’t find any injuries other than her being exhausted. Thor told me Bruce ate some and then headed off to sleep as well. Maria updated me on the perpetrators - Justin Hammer has been picked up, along with an Eric Grant and some others who looked to be assistants more than anything, and all of their data has been taken into custody as well to inspect.”

As she updated him, he could feel himself calming down. “Do we know Grant?”

JARVIS’ voice from the ceiling startled the both of them. “ _Eric Jonathan Grant was a former employee of Stark Industries, until he was laid off because of his support of Obadiah Stane and trying to create weapons in secret._ ”

“Have you told SHIELD this?” Natasha asked him, appearing unperturbed.

“ _They have been made aware of Mr. Grant’s previous connection to Stark Industries, though they are still trying to get more information on his motives and plans,_ ” he informed her.

Natasha nodded before looking back at Bucky. “Some rest would probably be a good idea right now. You look exhausted,” she told him.

He wasn’t quite ready yet, though. His conversation with Stark was still running through his head, making him want to scream in frustration. “I talked to Stark,” he informed her, watching her as realization crossed her face. “He couldn’t even be bothered to _pretend_ to care. _I made him_ ,” he sneered, trying to imitate Stark’s tone and failing.

“He can pretend fairly well sometimes, but at the core, he can’t care about anyone but himself,” Natasha told him gently, and yeah, he’d noticed that, too. “I am sorry you found out this way, though.”

So was he. Nearly losing his friend shook some things loose that he hadn’t dared think too carefully on before.

Two days later, he hadn’t seen Iron Man around yet. Asking JARVIS resulted in being told that his friend needed some time to recover from what had happened. Remembering the hole in Iron Man’s chest, usually covered by the arc reactor, still made him shiver. His anger at Stark didn’t lessen all that much, and he made very sure to stay away from the lab.

All of them would be gathering to discuss what had happened with the robots, and what had followed after. Bucky followed Steve into the room, unsurprised that they were the first ones. Usually he’d let Steve go and follow later, bickering back and forth with Wilson, but Iron Man was likely to be there, and Bucky wanted to be there when he arrived. So he ended up watching the others come in one by one.

Natasha was next, and she brought Barton with her. He had a few sprained ribs that made spreading his arms difficult, but he maintained that he’d be able to perform his duties as an Avenger if it were absolutely necessary. The Maximoffs were next, the Witch looking better after a few days of rest and her brother limping on crutches. He’d likely take some time to heal, considering there were three breaks spread over his left leg and hip. No doubt he would’ve been worse off if his sister hadn’t gotten there soon after. Banner followed, looking rather like himself again. Bucky was practically vibrating with impatience by the time Wilson, his right arm in a cast, walked into the room as well. The robots had broken his wing and arm both, and Bucky suspected Stark was hard at work repairing the Falcon gear after Iron Man had been the one to catch Wilson, being the only reason he hadn’t died on impact.

By now, Thor and Iron Man were the only ones they were still waiting for, and Bucky was starting to worry that Iron Man might not be able to make it after all.

Fortunately, just as he was about to go looking for his friend, he could hear the familiar footsteps coming from the hallway. Bucky was already halfway out of his chair when Iron Man entered the room, shortly followed by Thor and Maria Hill.

“Iron Man,” he greeted, hearing the relief in his own voice. “How are you?”

He could hear Wilson grumbling behind him about not getting as enthusiastic a greeting, but he ignored the man. Steve had dragged him along to medical a few times to visit the others, and Iron Man was the only one he hadn’t seen since the battle.

“I’m okay - no permanent damage,” Iron Man assured him. Bucky would have been less worried if his voice didn’t still sound wrong. It was brittle somehow, and he still sounded tired.

“Alright everyone, let’s sit down and get this debrief started,” Steve told them.

Bucky obeyed with a frown, making sure that he sat next to Iron Man so he could keep an eye on him. His movements looked just about normal, which meant the most likely problem was mental. Considering Stark had just about gotten him killed, Bucky could imagine why he would be having trouble.

First, they briefly summarized the battle, expanding on how each Avenger had been taken down and the responses by the other. The entire situation had been terrible, but everyone had responded the best they could, which meant that the most serious injuries that medical had seen were some broken bones, aside from the usual bruises and scratches. As expected, Iron Man had not been to medical. Despite the fact that he did sometimes get hurt in missions, he never had before, and Bucky had often worried about how he got his wounds taken care of. He had optimistically hoped Stark had somehow arranged for a private doctor, but now he wasn’t sure if the man didn’t just end up taking care of his own wounds.

“Very well, then we’ll move on to the end of the battle, the robots and the aftermath. We’ve gotten reports from both Mr. Stark and Iron Man about their actions, which means we can put together what happened,” Hill told them calmly. Bucky’s jaw clenched. “As it turns out, the robots were there to take down the Avengers, non-lethally if possible.”

“Then why did they end up exploding?” the Witch asked.

“Relatively low-grade explosives, as it turns out. Only the truly human of you might have died from it, and they never exploded close enough for that. They were the second to last wave sent out, in preparation for a final, more devastating wave that they couldn’t afford the Avengers being there to stop. The countdown was for heavier explosives that would blow a hole in New York that would destabilize the area around and open up the subway system to the air. Once JARVIS detected the weight of the explosives, as well as the fact that information was transmitted back and forth from the robots to a source elsewhere, he warned Stark and Iron Man.

“Stark then informed Iron Man and SHIELD about the option to set off the arc reactor for a localized EMP blast. The idea was for JARVIS to piggyback on the information to wherever the source was, which he managed to do. That allowed us to localize them and pick them up. As suspected, Justin Hammer had been helping out. The perpetrator turned out to be an old employee of Stark Industries who had been laid off after Stark left the weapons industry and who wanted revenge on him, Iron Man and the rest of the world if possible.

“The plan that we managed to interrupt involved a final wave of robots that would explode all over New York, releasing any combination of napalm and radioactive waste while at it to make sure the city would be utterly destroyed. For preventing all of that, the Mayor of New York, as well as the President, would like to thank all of you. There are talks of giving you an award for stopping Hammer and Grant, who will likely be going to prison for a very long time.”

Silence fell when she finished talking. It was a lot to take in, despite knowing some of the information already.

“Are there any questions?” Hill herself finally spoke up. “A full report and updates on the status of Hammer and Grant will be sent to all of you, of course, but I think these are the highlights that are the most important to know for now.”

Wilson spoke up first. “Not that I’m not grateful, but… Why were they trying to not kill us? At least mostly…” He cringed, eyes flickering to his broken arm.

“Interrogation so far hasn’t resulted in more information than that they thought you could be ‘useful’ somehow,” Hill told them. Whichever shape that would have taken was anyone’s guess, and Bucky wasn’t sure he wanted interrogation to result in actually knowing what their plans for each individual Avenger would have been.

“Why wasn’t it possible to try the frequency thing again?” Barton asked. “I mean, I know this worked out in the end, but Iron Man nearly died. Wasn’t there another way?”

“You’d have to ask Stark for the details,” Hill started, and Bucky managed not to scoff. Like they’d get much of anything out of him, let alone get him to admit he had been wrong. “But from what I understood, they had prepared for that, all of them switching frequencies at different times, making it impossible to take all of them down at once. The first attacks, as already suspected, were a way to see how the Avengers responded to situations and to work out different weak spots in the plan before they would end up ruining it for them. As it were, the only reason JARVIS managed to piggyback the information transfer at all was the fact that the EMP explosion meant there was a *lot* of it.”

After that, none of them could come up with more questions at the moment. Telling them that they were free to ask more questions at any time, Hill left them in the room together.

They immediately turned to Iron Man, telling him how glad they were to see that he seemed okay. He held up his hands at their concern, letting out a chuckle that almost sounded forced. Bucky wondered how he really was, underneath the armor, but he knew he’d probably not be allowed to know.

“Ease up, everyone. I’m fine, no permanent damage. How are all of you, though? Cause let me tell you, some of you look like you could use a few weeks of rest,” he joked, deflecting attention off himself the way he always did when they were getting too close for his comfort.

“We’ll heal up,” Wilson told him, grinning. “Thanks, though, for catching me. I really appreciate it.”

“You better.” They both snickered at that.

Getting updates on everyone, Iron Man seemed to ease some, his speech approaching normal way more. Bucky was glad to notice it, even gladder when the man joked with him the way he usually did, and felt like he could breathe somewhat for the first time in days.

Of course, that was until someone brought up the subject of Stark. “Damn cold of him, though, just… installing a bomb like that,” Barton started, and Bucky wasn’t the only one who tensed up.

“It did turn out to be necessary in the end,” Iron Man said, shrugging half-heartedly. He was probably used to Stark not caring all that much about his life.

“Did he… I mean, I saw the… hole, in your chest. Did he do that to you?” Clearly, Bucky wasn’t the only one who’d had that thought. The Witch had been horrified when seeing it, and while not as close to Iron Man as he was, she _did_ dislike Stark quite a bit.

“That’s one way to put it,” was the response, and Bucky frowned. That was definitely not a no. “The arc reactor is in there because I… well, I need it to stay alive.”

“And his plan consisted of you _taking it out and throwing it at the enemy?_ ” Steve asked, sounding absolutely horrified. He’d grown a few shades paler, gripping the edge of the table. “Knowing you need it?”

“As a last resort.” Iron Man sounded as though he wasn’t sure what to think of it. “Considering it powers the entire suit, it can provide quite a bit of energy, which makes it perfect for a situation like we faced. I think the idea was that if it was needed in the first place, I probably wouldn’t end up surviving the situation anyways.” He sighed. “Looks like that part kind of needs some rethinking, if this kind of thing ends up happening more often.”

“You are defending him,” Natasha stated, rather than asking. Her green eyes were narrowed.

Iron Man’s fist clenched. “Look, I don’t like Stark. He’s an asshole who can’t get anything right, ever. Goes to show this was another thing he failed at completely, despite _knowing_ something was coming. But this wasn’t his plan, either. He might be a terrible excuse for a human being, but the idea in general is not to get me killed because I am _useful_. Yes, he should have figured out something else before, but with how things were, this _was_ the only possible option in the situation.”

“Destruction has always been his greatest strength,” Quicksilver sneered.

“Yeah, I don’t think he’s ever going to be able to stop destroying everything around him, no matter how much he tries not to.” There was pain beside the anger, now, and Bucky worried about his friend.

“If there’s ever anything we can help you with, even if it means we have to go through Stark for it, you know you can ask, right?” he told Iron Man.

The others nodded as well, all of them agreeing in their own way. Only Banner seemed more hesitant, which made some sense, but even he told Iron Man that at least he’d try to help out if he could. Then, the doctor frowned. “If I may ask… I haven’t seen it, but the others described it to me… Is there anything I can do for your chest? Because from what I gathered, it must at least interfere with your breathing.”

“Thank you for the offer, but there’s nothing. It is how it is and that’s how it’s gotta stay, sorry.”

No one looked happy with the answer, but they did have to accept it. Slowly, they all started to trickle out, Steve proposing a movie marathon for the team that everyone agreed to. Iron Man seemed to hesitate some, but Bucky pleading for him to join when the two of them were hanging out together later was enough to have him agreeing to at least show up, even if it might not be possible to stay the entire time.

“After everything, Stark can deal without you for a bit,” Bucky told him. Considering how much he took Iron Man for granted, it would serve him well. “I did want to say, though… I’m sorry for not believing you, before. About Stark. I should’ve listened.”

Rather than telling him that he’d told him so, Iron Man nodded somberly. “Don’t be, it happens. I just hope it hasn’t hurt you too much,” he told him genuinely.

Bucky swallowed. He _had_ started to like Stark, had even started to think of the man as a friend of sorts. There was no denying that it had hurt more than he had thought it would, though it also combined with the pain of almost losing Iron Man. “Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine. I’m just sorry I didn’t listen to you. I might not have known _him_ before, but I did know _you_ could be trusted.”


	2. The things that I've done

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The identity reveal - of course, it was never going to be easy.

Slowly but surely, things went back to the way things were before. Well, almost. Bucky no longer hung out with Stark, having learned his lesson on the man’s true nature.

Despite professing to understand Stark’s decision, something seemed off with Iron Man as well. He still joked with all of them, still hung out with Bucky and had fun with him, but there was something fragile about him now, like he was about to shatter. Bucky told him, time after time, that Iron Man could always come to him when there was anything he could do to help, but the other man merely thanked him. He never actually told Bucky what was going on, and it worried him.

There wasn’t a lot he could do about it, though. He had no idea about the real problem, considering how many possibilities there were. Mostly, he just found himself hoping it wasn’t a health problem, considering even if Iron Man told him about that, there wasn’t a lot Bucky would have been able to do about it.

So instead of pushing him, however much he wanted to, Bucky just made sure to hang out with him as much as possible and to have a good time together.

One good thing was that hanging out together also meant there were moments Iron Man seemed to forget what was bothering him. It lifted a weight off Bucky’s chest when he saw the man laughing, distorted though it was through the suit’s speakers. Looking at him, unable to help his own smile, Bucky wondered how it really sounded when he laughed.

“Oh wow, thank you,” Iron Man said, still gasping a little and occasionally letting out a chuckle. “I really needed that.”

Bucky grinned, trying to ignore how sincere that sounded and what that said about his friend. “If I’d known telling you stories about Steve injuring himself would get you to laugh this much, I’d have done so before,” he joked.

“Just… how did he ever make it to even becoming Captain America if he thought _that_ was a good idea?”

“I honestly have no idea,” Bucky confessed, shaking his head. “I was there for most of it and I still don’t know. What I do know is that he was never allowed to join in on mumblety-peg again after that, considering how nervous he’d made all of the neighborhood kids. Not to mention it nearly gave his mother a heart attack.”

“I can imagine. He sounds like a cartoon character in a human body - actually, he’s _still_ rather like a cartoon character in a human body.”

He couldn’t help the bark of laughter at that. Iron Man had made sure to show him plenty of Looney Tunes videos to help him get up to date while not being too overwhelming, and he _had_ to admit it reminded him of Steve quite a bit, the way they kept getting knocked down and getting back up. “I never thought of it that way before, but you’re right.”

As they went on to compare Steve, and then themselves and the other Avengers, to Looney Tunes, Bucky relaxed some. This was good. Maybe he was just too worried, after nearly losing Iron Man, and there was nothing going on after all.

Still, he couldn’t shake the feeling something wasn’t right. Perhaps it was the way Iron Man was sometimes quieter than he used to be. Or it could be the way he hardly ever spoke about Stark anymore, except when he did, it was both extremely vicious and almost… resigned? Like he’d given up on Stark ever getting any better. It probably shouldn’t concern Bucky this much, but he couldn’t help but care about his friend.

Thoughts of Stark resulted in varying emotions. On the one hand, he still couldn’t get over the way the man had responded to the entire situation that resulted in Iron Man’s near-death. On the other hand, he could still remember the time they had spent together, the way Bucky had thought of them as friends, though not as close as he was with Iron Man. Had he misread the situation, misread Stark’s character, so much?

The worst of his anger at the situation itself had died down. He hated how it had turned out, yes, and he still wondered how Stark had ever thought putting a bomb into the device that seemed to be life support for Iron Man would ever be a good idea - it didn’t say much for Stark’s concern for the pilot, after all. But considering the situation and the possibilities, they had done the best they could have. What concerned him more was the attitude Stark had about it all, the way he couldn’t even be bothered to get up when Bucky confronted him about it, the way he sounded envious and resentful at once when talking about Iron Man.

Looking back, he always had. He hid it well, and Bucky didn’t deny there was also some admiration in there, but some days his less positive feelings shone through.

Considering he was the _reason_ Iron Man was the person piloting the suit, Bucky didn’t think it was fair. Not that he believed Stark’s reasoning completely, though. He’d said Iron Man was who he was because of Stark, and Bucky disagreed with that. Stark might have made it possible for him to be Iron Man, might have even made it necessary somehow, but he wasn’t the reason Iron Man was a good person and he sure as hell wasn’t the reason Iron Man was a _hero_ , even without the suit. Because he kept trying to make the world a better place, kept trying to make people happy, and he was a good person to the core.

Over the next months, his feelings for Iron Man grew even stronger. Knowing he wasn’t the only one with issues, knowing his friend needed him as well in some way, made their relationship feel more balanced. Where before, Bucky had felt guilty over always being the one needing Iron Man to help him, he now found that he was able to help out his friend during his worse days as well.

It still somewhat surprised him every time Iron Man was the one asking him if he had some time, implying but never outright stating that he could use the presence of a friend, even if he was never able to tell Bucky what was wrong. And much like Iron Man had before (and still did - Bucky’s bad days hadn’t suddenly disappeared, after all), if there was any possibility whatsoever to make time, he did.

“Thank you,” Iron Man told him genuinely. The two of them were sitting at the Niagara Falls, which had become one of their favourite spots to hang out at night, when there were no other people.

“Anytime,” Bucky replied, trying hard not to be embarrassed at how sincere he sounded.

Iron Man didn’t seem to notice, however. Instead, he kept looking out over the water. “I am sorry, though.”

“What for?”

“I just feel like I’m taking advantage of you, sometimes. Spending time with you, but never telling you what’s going on, never even letting you know who I really am. I keep secrets and I still keep asking you to help me out…” Iron Man trailed off, still looking in the distance. As difficult as it could be to see slight changes in body language in the armor, Bucky could tell he’d curled up as far as was probably comfortable, and maybe a little more.

“Iron Man…” Bucky waited until the other was looking at him, staring into the mask’s eyes and wondering about the kind of eyes looking back at him from underneath it. “I may not know your real name, or the way you really look, or the way you sound. But I do know _who_ you are, underneath the armor. I know what kind of person you are, and that is enough. I’d spend time with that person any day, wearing the armor or not.”

The laugh Iron Man let out sounded brittle. “I’m not so sure you would,” he told Bucky, and he couldn’t help hearing the devastation in his friend’s voice.

“ _I would,_ ” he repeated, making sure to sound as certain as he felt. “If you ask me, if you _need_ me, I’ll put aside whatever I’m doing and I’ll try to do whatever it takes to help you. Because you’re my friend, and you do the same for me even if you can’t tell me what you’re putting aside. And because you deserve it.”

“No.” It was so soft Bucky almost didn’t hear it - he even wondered if it was the suit’s speakers, or only the actual voice of its pilot that he caught. “No, I really don’t.”

From experience, Bucky knew it did little good to keep telling him. It was only after many times where Iron Man had come when Bucky needed him that he’d started to believe the man actually cared, would actually be there for him despite everything. And if he had to, he would do the same for his friend, however long it took.

So he remained silent, leaning against Iron Man to show his support rather than arguing, and decided that he wouldn’t leave. Something told Bucky he’d been left behind far too often, that people hadn’t cared enough to stand by him through whatever came up.

Bucky would not be one of those people.

It seemed to have helped some, at least. Iron Man was still hesitant, and he still wouldn’t share what was bothering him, but he did seem to trust that Bucky would be there to help if he needed anything.

Oddly, he seemed shyer than before. It gave Bucky some hope, actually. The sarcastic quips and witty comebacks were awesome, and they were still there as well, but now it seemed as though Iron Man was actually opening up to him emotionally as well. Bucky knew very well that Iron Man used his humor as a shield, and the fact that he let that down some made a warm feeling settle in his stomach. It wasn’t helping his own feelings, of course, but he rather suspected there hadn’t been any helping those for a long while now.

Life as an Avenger was actually good. The Tower provided whatever he needed - companionship, hobby’s, entertainment and an amount of food that even he, Steve and Thor weren’t able to clear out. And usually even the battles weren’t so bad. They weren’t always easy, of course, but the Avengers functioned like a well-oiled machine, covering one another’s weak spots and enhancing one another’s strengths.

Some fights, though, that didn’t seem to matter at all.

No one was quite sure what odd combination of science and magic had created five 15-foot tall bats, but Bucky knew he wanted to knock whoever had done it over the head. With a baseball bat.

Their ultrasonic screeches, usually used to detect prey and map out surroundings, were now loud and at a frequency where the Avengers could hear every single one of them. Bucky had developed a pounding headache after the third screech, and he wasn’t sure anyone else was doing much better; he might have enhanced hearing, but he also had the serum to take away the worst of the effects. Even worse was the fact that their screeches worked as a sort of sonic battering ram, knocking into both people and buildings.

Steve’s shield had some ability to absorb the impact, and the Witch had managed to get her magic functioning as a shield as well, but Wilson had been knocked back a few hundred yards and Iron Man had gotten himself knocked into two buildings already catching some of the ground fighters.

“ _Wanda, can you try to get them to sleep?_ ” Steve asked. Bucky could hear he was in pain as well.

“ _Not all at the same time. If I get them one by one, probably, but I cannot hold the shield and put them to sleep at the same time,_ ” she admitted. While she’d tried some too ambitious stunts at the start of her career with the Avengers, training had made her very aware of her limitations and actually willing to admit to them, which was a huge advantage compared to when they’d all be scrambling to compensate for what went wrong.

The bats stuck together, and Bruce - who hadn’t turned into the Hulk for this fight, considering they didn’t think it would help all that much except to result in more property damage - had theorized they were probably scared and disoriented, rather than willingly causing destruction.

Throwing a quick worried look at Iron Man, Bucky tried his best to focus on the fight. The armor was still intact, but it had obviously taken a few blows and might take damage easier now.

“ _All right. Quicksilver, you’re in charge of making sure Scarlet Witch doesn’t get caught by any of their attacks. Hawkeye, only fire arrows if necessary - we don’t want to call attention to your location. Widow, Winter, only attack if it’s absolutely necessary to cause a distraction. Iron Man, Thor, keep up the aerial distraction. Falcon, keep an eye out from the distance. I’ll get up close with the shield and keep them distracted that way._ ”

In theory, it was a good plan. In practice, the bats responded to the Witch’s magic reaching out to them, which left all of them scrambling to make sure she wouldn’t be taken out. Quicksilver only just got her out of the way in time for the first screech, and Widow had to dodge away before getting hit herself.

Soon, all of them were scrambling to keep the creatures busy so Maximoff could put them to sleep. It became a little easier after the first one went down, but not enough.

“ _Widow, down!_ ” Iron Man yelled, just in time for her to avoid being hit by another shockwave. It hit the building behind her, which wavered unsteadily but remained standing. “ _There’s a lot of buildings destabilizing, but I can’t predict if they’ll fall and in how many hits._ ”

“ _Alright, keep an eye out around the buildings everyone,_ ” Steve told them, which was a lot easier said than done. At least with the buildings they had some cover.

That became clear immediately when he moved away from his building, only to dodge right back to it when a shockwave nearly knocked him off his feet. He cursed, and he could hear he wasn’t the only one.

Another bat had apparently discovered Barton’s perch up on another building and was now screeching in that direction. “ _Stay back,_ ” Iron Man told Wilson, who looked like he was about to dive in. He did alright distracting them from the sky, but the wings caught a lot of air, which also meant he was blown back a lot farther than the rest of them when he got hit.

Just in time, Iron Man managed to get to Barton, grabbing him by his harness just as another shockwave hit the rooftop and had the edge of the building starting to crumble. “It’s coming down!” Bucky warned Quicksilver, who rushed his sister away and to yet another angle where she could hopefully do something. He was cursing up a storm, and while Bucky didn’t understand Sokovian, he got the gist of it and agreed. His head pounded with every heartbeat.

From the corner of his eye, he could see Iron Man turning his back toward the shockwave, catching the blast that knocked him and Barton further away from the battle.

Maximoff got a second bat down just as one of the still awake ones managed to get off a shockwave that Steve wasn’t able to catch fully with his shield. Due to the angle, he pirouetted in the sky a few times before hitting the ground hard, letting out a grunt. “Steve, you alright?”

“ _Falcon, **dodge**!_” Apparently, Wilson had also been distracted, because he got caught in the middle of the other bat’s screech.

A scream hit the comms as Wilson hit the building behind him, abruptly cutting off. “ _Sam!_ ” Steve yelled out, sounding scared for his friend. He didn’t respond though, instead falling motionless toward the ground.

Just before he crashed, a flash of gold and red appeared by him. They hit the pavement together, though Bucky could see Iron Man had caught most, if not all of the impact. He gently rolled Wilson off him, checking immediately for a pulse and breathing. “ _Still alive, but he needs medical attention, now. Quicksilver?_ ”

“ _I’ve got him. Don’t let my sister get hurt,_ ” he warned all of them, the way he always did when the two of them were separated on a mission.

And as always, Steve and Barton replied in unison: “ _We won’t._ ” It had become a tradition of sorts in their battles, whenever the two siblings were separated. The Witch always rolled her eyes, though it was also obvious she liked the care.

This did mean that Maximoff couldn’t try to take down the last two without someone else helping her out, though. Steve’s shield might be able to cover them, but they’d need to be crouched down completely, which wasn’t really a way she was able to work in. In order to get reliable results, she needed to be able to relax, which being carried around by her brother allowed her, but crouching behind Steve still led to mistakes in training situations, and they couldn’t have mistakes in this case.

Mostly, Bucky hoped the two of them that were currently sleeping wouldn’t be waking back up in the time it would take Quicksilver to get back.

They spent the next few minutes dodging sonic screeches and trying not to get distracted by their headaches, constantly trying to distract the bats away from each other so no one would get overwhelmed. As it were, Thor was starting to look seriously dizzy and Barton was starting to run out of arrows. “ _Quicksilver, how are you on getting back?_ ” Steve asked over the comms. He grunted as he caught another attack with his shield.

“ _Falcon has been dropped off, on my way back to you now,_ ” was the swift reply. He might not like the man, but Bucky still thought it was pretty amazing how Stark had managed to create comms that worked for all of them, despite the various ways they all made communicating difficult.

It didn’t take long for him to get back after that, which was good. Part of a building had collapsed between the bats and Barton, which meant he was having some trouble making sure he had a good line of sight on them again.

“ _Thor, careful!_ ” Natasha called. The Asgardian had become frustrated enough to get too close to the bats when trying to knock them out with his hammer. It left him fully open, which meant it was easy for one of the bats to attack. Being that close also meant he got hit with a powerful wave, which left him flying backwards and straight into a building. The wall crumbled around him, debris flying down to the street. Bucky jumped to avoid some of it, grimacing at the way the building groaned.

Things went wrong very quickly after that. Natasha only barely managed to avoid the next attack, rolling across the street, either her headache or her exhaustion meaning she stumbled over a piece of rubble. Maximoff threw up a shield to defend her, which caught the attention of the bats and had them attacking her instead. Her brother was just in time to get her out of there, but the curse Bucky heard over the comms indicated that they had been caught on the edge of it. Steve unrolled from behind his shield, ready to defend the two of them, when another screech by the first bat knocked his feet from under him. He landed with a grunt, shield underneath him. Thor, a line of blood running from his temple and looking completely pissed off and done with this fight, roared and flew at the bats again, which Bucky could’ve told him was the worst approach.

He didn’t have time to dodge this time as both bats turned their attention in the direction of Thor and, consequently, Bucky himself.

With two attacks in the same direction, there was no way to dodge out of the way in time. His back hit the building first, slamming the breath out of him, and he only barely managed to catch himself on his hands and knees as he fell, head ringing.

Despite that, despite the way everything felt wrapped in cotton, he could hear yelling in the background. Iron Man, Steve, and a female voice that could either be Natasha or Maximoff. Bucky shook his head to clear it, headache still pounding at his temples, and looked back at the bats to see what was going on.

Neither of them were turned in his direction anymore, which was good. Instead, one focused on the air, where Iron Man was shooting them from, and the other was screeching at the red shield Maximoff had thrown up for herself, her brother, Natasha and Steve. That looked good, at least. His thoughts felt really slow, though, and he knew the hit to his head had done some damage with the way everything felt distant. The serum should deal with the actual damage in a few minutes, but right now he was struggling to adjust. Beneath him, the pavement was swimming in and out of focus, and he tried to swallow down his nausea.

“ _ **Bucky!**_ ” It was Iron Man’s voice, coming from somewhere above and beside him, though he had no idea why his friend was screaming. He’d be fine again in a few moments, after all, even if he was close to throwing up now.

Something hit his side, hard enough to launch him a few yards away. He grunted, hitting the ground on his side and rolling a few times before coming to a stop.

Too late, he realized what was going on. Thoughts slowed the way they were, he’d never noticed the building he and Thor had been knocked into, the building that had been hit by two sonic attacks at the same time, was partially crumbling down. Only inches from his face, a piece as big as his chest landed hard on the ground - had it hit him, he might not have survived.

“Iron Man?” The other side of the comms remained silent, and as his head wound healed, realization hit him. The scream, the red and gold at the corner of his eye before being launched away from a crashing building. “Iron Man!”

He scrambled up, looking at the place he’d been kneeling, and horror hit him. It, as well as the area surrounding it, had been buried completely below what appeared to be a small mountain of rubble. All of it had only barely managed to miss Bucky himself, and he hated the fact that he hadn’t noticed the danger of his situation until it was far, far too late to do anything about it.

For a moment, he didn’t know what to do, wasn’t sure how to best go about things. He didn’t know where Iron Man was, what his status was, whether he was even still alive… It didn’t last long, thoughts frantically casting about for how best to deal with this. “JARVIS, where… Status on Iron Man,” he told the AI, hearing the concern in his own voice, as well as the trembling that he ended up being unable to conceal. “Anything.”

“ _Iron Man still has breathing and a heartbeat. The suit has been compromised and he has several injuries, some severe,_ ” JARVIS reported. “ _Immediate evacuation and medical attention are required for his survival._ ”

With the guidance of JARVIS, Bucky was soon digging into the rubble close to where the AI told him his friend had been buried. He’d stopped paying attention to the bats completely, and it was a good thing that the others had realized and managed to compensate for it, because he couldn’t have focused on anything other than getting Iron Man out and to safety if his life depended on it. His non-metal hand was bleeding by now, but he ignored it and kept going.

“What can I do to help?” Steve asked, suddenly appearing beside him. From the corner of his eye, Bucky could see the others as well, concern on all of their faces.

“JARVIS…” was all he could manage, his voice breaking. He couldn’t lose Iron Man.

The addition of the Scarlet Witch, as well as Steve and Thor, made it all happen a lot quicker. Bucky didn’t feel better when they finally uncovered Iron Man, though - the suit looked as though it had been crushed, and it couldn’t mean good things for the man inside. He felt cold. “We need to get the armor off him,” Natasha told everyone, no doubt having come to the same conclusion.

“ _I cannot let you do that,_ ” JARVIS told them, sounding as though he didn’t like it either.

“JARVIS, he’s being _crushed_ in there!” Bucky argued.

A long moment, the AI remained silent, though none of them made a move for Iron Man. Members of the Iron Legion had started to collect around them, and while they would probably be able to win, Bucky knew no one wanted a fight. Not when Iron Man’s life was on the line. “ _I will project a brief contract, which I need all of you to sign. It specifies that you are not to talk about the identity of Iron Man to anyone except the others who have signed this contract, and never in surroundings where you may be overheard. When in doubt about whether someone has clearance or whether an area is clear, you are to consult with me about the proper course of action._ ”

Bucky didn’t even try to read the contract, putting his signature on the digital document projected in front of him when he could. To his relief, none of the others hesitated, either. Even Bruce, who had rushed to join them and been allowed to pass by the Iron Legion, scribbled on a messy signature.

Most likely, either JARVIS or Stark himself had something to do with the fact that the Iron Legion kept all of the SHIELD personnel far away.

“ _Very well,_ ” JARVIS told them. “ _Transport is on its way, and doctors have been contacted to attend to Iron Man as soon as he is brought in. Now, if you could start on the arm plates…_ ” He led the way through dismantling the armor bit by bit and making sure they did as little damage as possible to the man inside. Bucky put an effort into steadying his trembling hands, not wanting to do anything wrong but being so, so terrified that Iron Man would be dead, wouldn’t be back to talk to him or laugh with him ever again.

Finally, they reached the helmet. Bucky vaguely noticed that members of the Iron Legion had taken up a guarding position around them, making sure no one could see what was happening. The other Avengers, though helping initially, had taken a step back as well to let him remove this final piece of armor himself.

When he looked up, wondering why, Steve met his eyes with an understanding smile. He didn’t even need to say anything, really.

Blushing, Bucky turned back. They didn’t have time for this, for his realization that his crush on Iron Man hadn’t been all that subtle. The man in the flight suit underneath (and oh, he filled that out better than Bucky had ever dreamed) was bleeding from several spots, and it was clear that something was wrong with his breathing. Knowing what was underneath, the arc reactor installed in the middle of his chest looked almost terrifying, though at least it was still glowing.

With trembling fingers, he pulled the catches that JARVIS had told him about, releasing the helmet. Except when he took it off, it was like he’d been hit by a train.

Tony Stark’s face looked pale and bloody, but he was unmistakable.

“ _What?_ ” Barton was the first to find his voice. He could hear various gasps and exclamations behind him, but Bucky remained mute as he stared, his brain trying to make some sense of this entire situation and remaining unable to.

He was still silent when two small vans approached with almost dangerous speeds, swerving around the debris scattered all over the street. One stopped further away, behind the wall that the Iron Legion had formed around them all, but the other one was let in. Bucky vaguely recognized Happy Hogan, Stark’s driver and bodyguard and friend all at once, but there was little time to ponder on the information.

The other car door opened, revealing two people in doctor’s coats. One of them looked vaguely familiar, and Bucky thought Steve might have mentioned her at one point. “Alright,” she started, authority in her voice, “I need your help to get him on a stretcher while moving him as little as possible. Miss Maximoff, would you be able to lift him in there?”

While she had been talking, the other doctor had opened up the back door, revealing a stretcher and an impressive amount of hospital-grade equipment. He was already grabbing some of them, getting them ready with practiced movements.

Maximoff still looked astonished, but she nodded and moved Stark over to the stretcher with gentle movements. Once he was on there, both doctors got into the van with him and immediately got to work, one setting up an IV and the other starting to cut the flight suit off him. Then the door closed in Bucky’s face, leaving only white and the worried face of Hogan on the side.

As the man moved to get back into the van, presumably to drive them back to a place where they could give better care, Bucky finally managed to say something. “Wait!” His voice was strangled, almost feeling as though it ripped open his throat as it came out, but he _needed_ to. “Can I come along?”

Only after he’d asked did he even look at Steve for permission. He and the other Avengers looked stunned still, unable to comprehend what had just happened, but Steve did nod at him.

“If you’re quick,” Hogan answered him, though he sounded sympathetic.

Bucky had never gotten into a car quicker, slamming the door behind him hard enough that it had to have left an imprint. He couldn’t bring himself to care, though, not with Iron Man’s life on the line. Stark’s. Tony’s.

Once they got to the Tower, he helped Hogan move the stretcher out of the van as smoothly as possible, the doctors working by their sides. There was a blanket over Tony now, at least covering up his privates and most of his torso, but Bucky could see the arc reactor shining through it by his chest. His face was pale and drawn, like he’d never seen it before. It made him worry even more.

He followed as far as he was allowed, until JARVIS told him and Hogan they would have to stay outside to prevent any contamination.

Part of him thought maybe he should do something - contact Steve, or Natasha. Maybe something else. But all he could do was stand there while Hogan strode away, phone already out, staring at the door Tony had just disappeared behind.

Oh God, Tony was Iron Man.

It didn’t make any sense. No sense at all. And yet, he could help but think it made _so much sense_ , after all. It explained how Iron Man always had an in with Stark, how he could disassemble bombs as quickly as he did, how he was always so quick to adapt in any fight depending on what the rest of the team needed. A mind as brilliant as Tony’s would be able to do all of that and more.

But all Bucky could think was how Iron Man hated Tony, how he was always so quick to put his employer down, so quick to tell everyone else what a terrible person Stark was. All he could think of was the admiration and the envy that he heard from Tony when talking about Iron Man.

All of those bad things Iron Man had said about Stark - how he was irresponsible, selfish, lazy, a disappointment, a drunk, a failure, destructive, untrustworthy, worthless, never going to be able to be a good person - hadn’t been aimed at someone else. They had been aimed at himself. Had been Tony, saying things like that and _meaning_ them.

Bucky slid down the wall, not even bothering to find a chair to sit on. Who cared about chairs right now?

He stared at the door as though it held all of the answers, knowing it didn’t. Knowing he held plenty of answers himself, if only he’d stop pretending to think about them because _oh, God, Tony..._

From the beginning, it had been Tony out there with them, risking his own life. It had been Tony he’d been getting to know, Tony who had become his best friend as Iron Man. Tony who had been a hero, all along. And then Bucky had tried to get to know him as a civilian, discovered even more about him that he liked, even though Tony had warned him against it - had warned him against getting close, because he always hurt the ones he cared about, despite not wanting to. Despite being so very, very lonely.

Then the fight with the robots. Tony had been the one fighting them, the one struggling to find out how to stop them. And then he’d figured he would most likely have to sacrifice himself for it to work. He’d urged Bucky to leave, hadn’t he? First as Iron Man, then calling him as Tony Stark, just to get him away. To protect him from getting hurt.

But oh, Bucky had been so angry. So angry that Stark had decided Iron Man’s life could be put on the line like that. Except it had been his own life that he’d risked, his own life he thought worthless. His own life that had nearly been lost. And Bucky had yelled at him, as good as called him cold and unfeeling, told him he was every bad thing he thought he was and more, and left him behind. Suffering, no doubt, because thinking about it now, he hadn’t looked alright. Had looked in pain and hurting already. Which he’d made worse, because he’d been so angry.

Oh God, their talks. His talks with Iron Man, when he’d doubted Bucky would stand by him if he knew who his friend really was. And he’d had every reason to think so, because hadn’t Bucky just left him? Alone, just because he couldn’t handle watching Iron Man nearly die.

Just because he couldn’t watch Tony nearly die.

He’d been terrible after that, talking Tony down along with the rest of them. Oh hell, they’d all talked Tony down right in front of the man himself - and instead of defending himself, he’d happily joined in instead, hatred so obvious that Bucky was sure it couldn’t be faked.

Shaking his head, he tried to refocus. He couldn’t handle the thought of Tony hating himself _that_ much, not when his life was on the line. (And oh, Gods, thinking that it didn’t matter. That _he_ didn’t matter. Because everyone had been making it very clear they didn’t think he mattered, after all.) He needed to think of something else or he’d end up beating every single one of the Avengers and then himself.

Tony was Iron Man. Both of the men Bucky had started getting to know, one of whom he might have had a crush on (and the other one he was at least superficially attracted to) were the same person.

Which meant that Iron Man was smarter than he’d been letting on, which made sense for keeping his identity a secret, considering Bucky couldn’t imagine anyone matching Tony’s intelligence. It meant that Tony could be far less shy, far more sarcastic and dry and witty, when he was comfortable with someone. It meant that he was even more caring, more giving, more self-sacrificing, more _heroic_ , than Bucky had known before.

Thinking on all of it, Bucky felt all kinds of stupid. Tony had kept it hidden well, certainly, and Bucky wasn’t sure he could have figured it out - who even was in the suit when Iron Man and Tony were in the same room, if it wasn’t its usual pilot? But he _could_ have stuck by Tony, given him the benefit of a doubt that he deserved as someone he thought of as a friend.

Was Bucky really that flighty? Did he honestly give up on those he cared about so quickly that one mistake was all it took to make him leave?

Sure, there had been warnings, and everyone had found something bad to say about Tony. Even Banner had admitted the man was sometimes a bit much. And sure, one of those warnings had been from Iron Man, who had been his first friend in this time, this life, and who might have become something of a crush. But Bucky was supposed to be better, had even dismissed the warnings and gone to Tony himself to get to know him.

So _why_ had he then given up so easily, despite getting to know him and concluding he was kind, and shy, ( _and lonely_ ) and not a bad person after all?

Iron Man was the easy answer. It had been Iron Man who warned him, Iron Man whose life was on the line, Iron Man he couldn’t imagine losing. Iron Man, who was his best friend. Iron Man, who was actually Tony Stark.

His thoughts kept tumbling over one another, back and forth from Tony to Iron Man and back again, trying to figure out what he knew, trying to figure out what he _didn’t_.

Footsteps alerted him to someone else approaching, but Bucky didn’t look away from the door. Tony was behind there, and even if he didn’t know exactly what to think about any of this, he needed to be there. He might not have been before, might have ruined everything because of judging so quickly, but he wasn’t leaving now. Not when he’d promised Iron Man he would be there, not when Tony thought he wouldn’t be willing to stay for him. He wasn’t leaving.

“Any news yet?” Of course, it was Steve.

Bucky shook his head, only a slight movement. He wasn’t even sure how long it had been, feeling simultaneously like it had been forever and only a few moments.

Disregarding the chairs a few feet away, Steve slid down the wall as well to sit down next to him, facing the door. “We thought it might not be the best idea if we all came over, but I wanted to see how you were,” he admitted.

“‘M fine,” Bucky mumbled. He was hardly the one anyone should be concerned with. “How’s Wilson?”

“You could call him Sam, you know. It wouldn’t be the end of the world,” Steve tried for levity. One of their ongoing jokes was Steve trying to get him and Wilson to get along as the two of them bickered like children. Bucky wasn’t feeling it at the moment, though. “He’s got a concussion and two bruised ribs, but... Iron Man caught him in time to prevent any more damage. Those ribs are gonna keep him out of the air for a while, though.”

“Good,” he managed. As long as Wilson wasn’t dying, he currently couldn’t bring himself to care that much.

They sat in silence for a while, and although Bucky could hear Steve shift occasionally, he didn’t move at all. Of course, Steve had never been great with long silences. “It’s so weird,” he started, sounding puzzled. “I never expected… Well, you know.”

He knew. He knew very well.

“Everyone else was astonished as well.” Bucky kind of wanted him to be quiet, but part of him also wanted to hear what the others thought. What they’d said. “I don’t think anyone expected this. Especially considering how Iron Man always talked about him, like he didn’t like him at all. Do you think he meant any of that, or was he just trying to get us to like him?”

Bucky’s fists clenched. “He meant all of it,” he ground out, still having trouble thinking about how much Tony must _hate_ himself, let alone coming to terms with it.

“That’s what Wanda said as well. Said there was too much feeling, actual feeling, for it to be fake.” Steve sighed. “I guess I just don’t understand how anyone can talk about himself like that and _mean_ it, you know? It doesn’t make any sense.”

“Doesn’t it?” His hands were clenched tightly enough that the nails on his right hand were starting to draw blood. “Doesn’t it, Steve?”

His voice was equal parts rage and desperation, and he just didn’t know what to do with himself. Except he had to be here, in front of the door, even if Tony wouldn’t be walking out of it on his own, because he’d promised he’d be there and he’d _meant_ it.

By his side, Steve was silent again, probably thinking about the real answer to that question.

Two more sets of footsteps approached, these not nearly as familiar, but Bucky still didn’t look away from the door. It was like a lifeline - as long as he was watching, he was letting Tony know he was there, despite what the other man felt like he deserved.

Steve got up to greet the newcomers. “Ms. Potts, Colonel Rhodes.” At least that answered that question.

“Captain, Sergeant,” Rhodes answered, echoed by Potts.

Both of them sat down in the chairs, leaving Steve standing awkwardly. Bucky guessed he wasn’t sure whether he should grab a chair or just sit back on the floor again in support of Bucky, but he couldn’t bring himself to speak up and tell him to just go sit with the others. He couldn’t bring himself to speak, period.

It was odd, waiting in front of this door with Steve and the other two. Odd and uncomfortable. But he couldn’t leave.

“JARVIS said a building fell on him?” It was Rhodes.

Guilt settled in Bucky’s stomach. Tony wouldn’t have been under that building in the first place if he hadn’t been so out of it, if he’d only noticed that he was about to be crushed. Instead, Tony had taken the hit for him and might not survive.

“He pushed Bucky out of the way,” Steve told them, and Bucky curled up a bit further. Rhodes made an interested sound. “We were fighting these bats - I don’t know if you saw the news? - and we weren’t supposed to kill them, so it was all of us juggling who had their attention while Wanda tried to put them to sleep. But then things went wrong, and pretty much everyone was pinned down or knocked down, and Bucky’d been thrown into a building, hard, and it was crashing. I didn’t even notice until Iron Man yelled for him, and by then it was too late.” He trailed off, and although Bucky felt eyes on him, he couldn’t look away from the door.

“Yeah, that sounds like him,” Rhodes sighed. For someone who cared about his friend, he sounded almost unconcerned.

Apparently, Steve had noticed the same. “You… They said it was pretty bad. You don’t… sound very worried?” Of course, he had to ask about it, despite there being _no_ good way to ask someone why they didn’t seem to care their friend might be dying. Social skills hadn’t ever been Steve’s strong point, no matter how well he could fake it when coached.

The other two remained silent for a while. Then, to Bucky’s surprise, Rhodes barked out a laugh. It didn’t sound entirely sincere, but it was still more than he’d have been able to manage. “Subtle, Rogers.” No doubt Steve was blushing right now. “By now, there’s been… a lot of times where Tony nearly died. A _lot_. And if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that he’s apparently quite near unkillable, because nothing’s managed yet. A falling building sure as hell won’t be doing it.” And if, perhaps, there was a bit of desperation in that certainty, Bucky wouldn’t be the one to mention it.

“Doesn’t make it a lot easier, though,” Potts spoke up, her voice tight. “Watching him get hurt every time, watching him _destroy himself_.”

That tone nearly made Bucky look away from the door, nearly made him speak up. In the end, he didn’t. Iron Man might not have been as bad about his alter ego when they were around, but there were a lot of ways he could be destroying himself, and Bucky rather guessed Tony had tried a lot of them, considering how much he seemed to hate himself.

Rather than speaking, Steve thankfully only hummed understandingly in reply. Any comment could have been the wrong one, considering the situation.

As they sat in silence, Steve paced. He hated being unable to do anything, hated being unable to punch something to solve the situation. Finally, his friend gave up on staying quiet. “Can I get any of you something to eat? Something to drink?”

Potts asked if he could get her some coffee, and Rhodes seconded her. Bucky only shook his head, little more than a twitch. With a sigh, Steve headed off to make himself useful in some way, his footsteps disappearing down the hall. Bucky could feel eyes on him again and he wondered which of the two it was, if it was both of them, what they were thinking. If they were judging him.

Whoever it was didn’t say anything, however. Bucky was glad for it, not sure he’d have been able to respond even if he wanted to.

Time dragged on, Steve coming and going a few more times as he delivered their orders and went to check on the other Avengers. He wasn’t there, in the end, when the door finally opened to reveal one of the doctors.

“Dr. Cho,” Potts greeted, her and Rhodes both getting up from their chairs. Bucky himself quickly stood from his spot against the wall, waiting impatiently for whatever news she had.

She nodded at all three of them. “He’s been stabilized. It required surgery, and it was touch and go for a while, but as long as he makes it through the night, he should be alright in the long term. Well, as alright as he ever is, I suppose.” With a wave, she indicated for Rhodes and Potts to follow, though she looked at Bucky somewhat doubtfully. He glanced at them quickly, and Rhodes was the one to nod for him to follow as well. Bucky let out a breath in relief and joined them eagerly. As they walked, she continued talking. “For now, we’re keeping him in an induced coma so he doesn’t aggravate his wounds. Both his lungs collapsed, and we’ve got him on a breathing tube for now. We’re hoping that he’ll be well enough to be let off the medication in a week. Most of it depends on tonight, though.”

The room they headed into didn’t look much like a hospital room - there were some comfortable leather chairs, the walls were a soft sea-green, and the sheets on the wider than usual hospital bed were a deeper, darker version of the same green. There was the machinery, of course, and there was a sterile air about the room, but that only made sense.

In the middle of the bed, finally, was Tony himself. He looked pale, bruises and scratches on his face and hands. There was a cast on his left arm, but the rest of his body was covered with the sheet, so there was no way of telling how much more damage was hidden under there. The breathing tube indicated there was likely quite a bit. His chest was moving in time with the noises from the machine, but there was something unsettling about seeing him so… still. He might have been shy, when Bucky had been in his lab, but he’d always been moving. Thinking on it now, even Iron Man had often been moving at least his fingers when sitting, though it had never bothered Bucky. Now, those same fingers were lying motionlessly on the covers.

Beside the bed, the other doctor was making a few more notes on the Starkpad he was holding, before putting it into one of the drawers by the bed. “Dr. Wu,” Potts greeted him as well, and both she and Rhodes shook his hand. “Thank you for coming over in such a hurry.”

“Not a problem, Ma’am. JARVIS always makes sure to let me know when there’s a battle going on, so I usually make sure I’m available just in case,” he told her gently.

“We’ll make sure to keep checking in, and JARVIS is keeping an eye on his vitals. He shouldn’t wake up for another week, though,” Dr. Cho told them. “I’d advise switching who sits with him if you don’t want him to be alone, though he’s not likely to notice any of it.”

Bucky was unable to help the twitch at the corner of his mouth. He would not be leaving if he could help it. From the contemplative look Rhodes threw him, the man had already guessed as much. “Thank you very much, Doctors. We’ll no doubt be seeing you around,” the Colonel told the both of them, a slight smile on his face.

“You’re very welcome,” Dr. Cho told him.

“Anytime,” Dr. Wu assured. Then, the both of them headed out of the room, leaving the three of them with Tony.

Almost as one, they each grabbed a chair to set by the bed, Rhodes and Potts sticking to Tony’s right side, with Potts holding his hand, while Bucky stayed on the left. Silently, he counted Tony’s breaths, matching them with his own breathing almost automatically.

“I’m almost surprised to see you here,” Potts told him eventually, cool blue eyes assessing him. “Last I had heard, you didn’t like him much.”

It made him wonder just how aware the two of them were of what went on in the Tower, whether it was Tony or JARVIS telling them things. He almost hoped it was the latter, if only because that would mean they would probably have a far more accurate picture. From the way they looked at him, he thought it wasn’t unlikely. Then again, it might just be general defensiveness of their friend, since it was also difficult imagining that JARVIS would violate Tony’s privacy.

“I was an idiot,” he told them, brutally honest. “I was scared, and angry, and I took it out on him instead of just staying calm and giving him the benefit of a doubt.” He had no illusions about his own mistakes when it came to Tony.

Rhodes nodded, almost approvingly. “We have no idea what happened, exactly. One moment, he was talking about how you actually hung out with him, how you told him that you actually wanted to get to know him better, how you actually seemed to like him. The next, he told us you hated him, though he wasn’t willing to explain any more about how or why,” he informed Bucky, who cringed.

“Like I said, I was an idiot. Back when we were fighting those Hammer/Grant-bots?” He looked at the both of them to see if they knew what he was talking about, getting two nods in return. “Iron Man nearly died, due to something Tony had installed as a… safety measure? Final option, maybe? I got pissed, and I went to confront him about it. Right after the fight. It went…”

Both of them rolled their eyes, though it was Potts who spoke up. “Not well, I imagine. No doubt he was dismissive about it all, which would only make you angrier, which would only make him try to push you away more.” Yeah, that was about it. “It’s what he does. Especially if he feels threatened in any way.”

His eyes widened. “I wouldn’t have attacked him,” he told them, honestly. No matter how much he might have wanted to in that moment, he wouldn’t have hit someone like that, especially someone he thought was a civilian at that point in time.

“It’s not always physical attacks that make him feel threatened - people being genuinely angry with him is… not a strong point of his,” Potts confessed.

“Not to mention he might not have known you wouldn’t attack him, not if you were pissed.” Rhodes didn’t look happy, but it didn’t quite seem aimed at Bucky. “There isn’t a lot of people that haven’t tried to hurt him in one way or another.”

With the way Tony acted, Bucky was more than ready to believe that. When he wasn’t trying to provoke people into leaving him, he acted rather like a kicked puppy, afraid to be hurt again but unsure about how to allow people close enough to help him, either. They might just end up hurting him all over again, after all.

“He isn’t always the easiest to get along with.” It was Potts again, and he looked up to meet her eyes. She almost seemed to be challenging him.

“Don’t think any of us are,” he replied, a wry tone in his voice. “Hasn’t stopped him from caring, or helping us, or being there for us in any way we would allow. Seems about time someone tries to learn how to be there for _him_ in any way he’ll allow.”

It appeared like that got their approval, though there was a wariness to them still. Bucky could only wonder how many people had left before - including himself. Hell, the way they talked, he wondered if they had left him, before, as well. If they were also part of that list of people that had hurt Tony at one point in time, consciously or unconsciously.

For all that he worried about hurting the people around him, it seemed like Tony had been hurt even more. Or, Bucky mused, perhaps he had ended up blaming himself for what they’d done, telling himself that he’d deserved it, had to have. Why else would it keep happening, after all.

The more he got to know about Tony, got to realize, the more his determination grew to get to know him for real, to hopefully be given another chance to become Tony’s friend and prove that he could be a good one. He hadn’t showed himself to be great to Tony so far, and the man had all the right to tell him to stay the hell away, but Bucky couldn’t help but hope he could try again.

Hours passed while talking occasionally, Rhodes having turned on the TV to have some background noise. Then there was a knock at the door, which opened to reveal Steve, a bag in his hand.

“JARVIS told me there’s a bathroom attached to this room,” he told Bucky, a stubborn tilt to his jaw that meant he would not be taking no for an answer. “You should take a shower and get changed. I brought you some clothes.” He held out the bag for Bucky, appearing ready to argue.

As much as he wanted to tell Steve to leave it be, he couldn’t deny that it was probably a good idea. His own comfort didn’t matter that much to Bucky, but he hadn’t changed since their battle, and there was dried blood and dust covering him still, which couldn’t be too good for Tony if he ended up contaminating the room.

He almost relished in the surprise in Steve’s face when he grabbed the bag and moved into the bathroom, determined to take the shortest shower he could manage. It might be necessary, but he wouldn’t leave Tony’s side for longer than he needed to.

When he re-entered the room, Steve had left again, as had Potts, leaving only Rhodes sitting by Tony.

“You’re gonna be staying here the entire time, aren’t you?” Rhodes asked him as he sat back down by Tony’s side. There was no judgment in his voice, which Bucky was glad about.

“Was planning on it, yeah,” he admitted. “I know the Doc said he probably wouldn’t notice, and that might well be true, but… Well, I promised Iron Man I’d be there for him if he needed me. I might’ve sucked at it with Tony, but I… want to prove I can. I _will_. He told me I probably wouldn’t if I found out who he was, and I need him to know that I would.”

It wasn’t easy to explain but, from the way Rhodes nodded at him, he guessed he’d gotten his meaning across. He needed Tony to see him there when he woke up, needed Tony to know that Bucky would still be there if Tony wanted him to be.

“Pepper left to get some work finished, and to get some things to do over here. I can only get a few days, and considering they said he probably won’t be waking up until the end of the week, I’m going to be leaving again in a few hours and coming back when they’re taking him off the meds,” Rhodes told him. “I don’t like it, never have, but…” Bucky nodded, understanding. The world didn’t stop turning just because they wanted it to, no matter how powerful they might be.

A few hours later, Potts came back. The two of them spoke by the door for a little, voices hardly louder than the television in the background. If he’d wanted to, he could’ve listened in on what they were saying, but he made sure to focus on the television instead.

By the time night was starting to fall, Bucky was starting to feel hungry. Fortunately, it appeared Potts had anticipated both their needs (or perhaps JARVIS or one of the Avengers had), because a nurse appeared with a cart filled with enough food for the both of them. They ate in silence, much like they’d been spending most of their day, and it was less awkward than he’d been half-afraid it would be. Potts had been working, and Steve had been smart enough to include a tablet for Bucky so he wouldn’t be bored, either.

Finally, at ten o’clock, Potts spoke up. “You’re determined to stay?” she asked. Much like Rhodes, she didn’t sound like she was judging him, either. Bucky just nodded at her. “Rhodey told me you’d said you would. I’ll arrange for another bed to be brought in here, so you can get some proper sleep.”

“Thank you,” he told her, genuine. He’d have been willing to sleep on the chairs if he had to - they weren’t uncomfortable - but this was a far better option.

“Don’t make me regret it,” she just told him, but it didn’t sound like a threat. More of a reminder, really. So he nodded at her again, meeting her eyes as he did, and she seemed satisfied with that.

It had been a while since he’d really been in a hospital, but Bucky was fairly sure the bed was far more comfortable than usual hospital beds. The sounds of the machines attached to Tony were an odd sound at first, but once he got his brain to accept that they meant he was still alive, they faded until they were somewhat soothing background noise. His sleep wasn’t great, but he’d certainly had worse, and at least there were no nightmares.

Over the next days, Potts was the one who came in most often. Steve also came to visit, though it seemed like he was there almost as much for Bucky as for Tony. At least he brought a card that looked like he’d drawn it himself, depicting the Tower and wishing Tony good health. The other Avengers came in occasionally, but they were hesitant about it, mostly not lingering for too long.

Thor had apologized to him for his reckless actions in battle, and confessed that he would also be making his apologies to ‘Anthony’ when he woke up. The Maximoffs hadn’t been in long, seeming very awkward, but they’d brought a red and gold ‘Get Well Soon’-balloon that surprisingly didn’t clash with the interior of the room and a closed envelope addressed to Tony. Natasha and Barton both stopped by briefly, though they didn’t linger. Banner would stay for a few hours at a time, sometimes remaining quiet and sometimes brainstorming at Tony until he came to some conclusion and rushed off to his lab.

The worst was Wilson, who came to visit, but also wanted to _talk_ to Bucky. He’d been in bed himself the first few days, dealing with his own injuries, but was now well enough to be up. Not well enough to be out with Steve the way he would usually be, though, which Bucky guessed was the reason he was talking to him instead.

“You’re not feeling betrayed?” His experience as some sort of therapist meant Wilson was very good at hiding whatever he thought about what he was saying. Still, Bucky looked at him with a frown. “The others haven’t really been sure what to think of the entire reveal, and whether Stark should’ve told everyone or not, but Steve was worried that you’d be hurt because you were arguably closest to the both of them and he didn’t tell you either,” Wilson explained.

While the two of them might’ve been growing a friendship, however based it was on mutual insults and nagging, Bucky was not going to talk to Wilson about this. “Nope,” was all he said before turning back to the Legos on the table in front of him.

It had been one of the hobbies Tony had suggested, knowing Bucky liked building things. Hell, he’d suggested carpentry, had even offered to put together a workroom for Bucky. He’d requested that Tony hold off, though, not even sure he’d like it and knowing the way Tony tended to go overboard - no doubt he’d have been provided with all-new tools and materials. Considering he still got overwhelmed, he’d asked about checking out different things and seeing whether he liked them before spending more on it. They’d had their argument - well, Bucky had gotten angry at Tony - before he could try it out, and he hadn’t gotten back to it since. The Legos _had_ stuck, and it hadn’t escaped his notice that, despite the fight, there was still a new set provided for him every Friday.

“It would be understandable, you get that right?” Wilson tried to continue on the subject, no doubt meaning well.

Still, all Bucky did was grunt and shrug. Maybe it would, maybe it wouldn’t. Maybe he was, maybe he wasn’t. His feelings and thoughts were still rather jumbled, and it would probably be better to talk to someone about them, but he wasn’t sure there was anyone he trusted enough for that. Talking about his real thoughts and feelings had never been a strong point of his, not until Iron Man had made it almost easy to be honest.

The next day, Steve was there again. “Is there anything I can do to convince you to leave the room with me for more than the five minutes it takes to shower?” he asked, sounding concerned.

Bucky was about to say no - he needed to be there for Tony. But he also realized he was going slightly crazy in the room, however well-decorated it was and however many things he asked Steve to bring for him to do. And perhaps some exercise would help him get his thoughts together.

There was just one thing he needed, first. “There’s a blanket, in my room. Dark gray, silver stitching. Could you bring it?”

Although it was clear he had no idea why Bucky wanted the blanket, Steve actually nodded and went to go get it. Steve and Wilson might be better friends than he and Bucky right now, but no one would ever claim that Steve was a bad friend once he’d given his loyalty. Changed as he was since all those years ago, Bucky still appreciated that beyond measure, and he decided that, once this was over, he’d do something nice for Steve to thank him. He might not know what to do, but the fact that he tried nonetheless meant a lot to Bucky.

Softly, Bucky told Tony he’d be off for a little, but he’d be back. He prepared the room, making sure Tony’s music was on so it wouldn’t be quiet and draping his favorite jacket over one of the chairs by the bed.

When Steve came back with the requested blanket, he spread it over Tony’s legs. It wasn’t his presence, and it might not do a whole lot, but it was a sign that he’d be back, a promise of sorts. Even if Tony would never know, it eased Bucky’s mind enough that he followed Steve out of the room.

Exercise _did_ help. Running emptied his mind for a while, having him just focus on placing one step in front of the other. It wasn’t his favorite usually, but he didn’t trust himself in a fight with anyone at the moment and he needed something explosive, rather than the slower weights. Steve stayed by his side, running along, though Bucky didn’t make it easy for him. Other than Thor and Quicksilver, he was really the only one who could make Steve break a sweat keeping up with him, and Thor wasn’t much of a fan of running.

Finally, breathing heavy, he started an almost leisurely jog back in the direction of the Tower. Beside him, Steve matched his pace.

“Got it out of your system now?” he panted, grinning slightly.

His head clearer than it had been in days, Bucky found it in himself to give a small smirk in return. “Most of it, at least,” he admitted. Theoretically, a spar might help as well, but he didn’t want to fight right now.

Back at the Tower, they finished up with some weight training, though Bucky didn’t stay all that long. A quick shower and a change of clothes later, he was back in Tony’s room.

Nothing looked as though it had changed, and no one was there. Bucky grimaced a little. There was something sad about the fact that no one either had or took the time to visit him. It made some sense - he knew Tony was still in the medical coma, and likely didn’t notice anything anyway. Once he’d be woken up, it’d probably get busier. He still hated it, though, and almost wished he’d asked JARVIS to call someone else to sit with Tony for the time he’d be gone.

Steve, freshly showered, came by a while later with a tray of lunch for the both of them. JARVIS always made sure Bucky had all of his meals, even if no one was coming by to visit, and often made sure it was sent along with whoever came to visit.

“So…” Steve started, hesitantly, once the worst of the hunger was dealt with. “How are you feeling about all of… this?”

“All of this?” Bucky asked, pretending not to understand exactly what he meant.

“It’s just… I know you were getting close to Iron Man. And there was even a time you hung out with Stark sometimes, before. I was just wondering how you’re… dealing, with the fact that Iron Man _is_ Stark. And he didn’t tell you.”

One thing was clear to Bucky, at least. “It’s his identity. He’s allowed not to tell.”

“I know,” Steve claimed. Bucky wasn’t sure he believed him. “It’s just… If there was anyone I think he’d have told, it would be you. Out of the Avengers, at least.” Now, he sighed. “I just don’t get why he’d join in on us talking about Stark, why he wouldn’t defend himself. If it was some way of getting us to trust him more, or something? Like he thought we wouldn’t like him if he tried to defend Stark, and so he’d join in. And I know you said that wasn’t it, and so did Wanda, but I just… don’t get why someone would say stuff like that about themself?”

“‘Cause they mean it,” Bucky told him, voice flat. He didn’t like thinking about the way Tony thought about himself, the way he wanted to argue all of it and _couldn’t_ because Tony himself was still lying in his hospital bed, still and silent like he usually _wasn’t_.

“It just… Wouldn’t it have been better if he’d told us?” Steve wondered out loud. “I can’t help but think that I wish he’d said who he was.”

“It’s his identity,” Bucky repeated. “He doesn’t owe anyone an explanation if he doesn’t want to give one, which he clearly didn’t.” As much as his thoughts might be jumbled on a lot of things, this wasn’t one of them.

“We’re his teammates, though.”

“So?” Bucky looked at Steve, who seemed surprised. “That don’t mean we can’t have privacy, and it sure as hell don’t mean he was obligated to tell us his identity.”

“But the things we said about him…”

Now, Bucky scowled at Steve. “You are _not_ making _him_ bear responsibility for _our_ inability to act like polite human beings,” he bit out. “He gets to make his own choices about what to tell us and what he doesn’t, same as we all do. I ain’t told anyone except Iron Man my sexuality, but if someone’s gonna be an ass about same-sex relationships, I ain’t responsible for what’s coming outta their mouth.”

“I didn’t mean it that way,” Steve told him defensively, holding up his hands to show he meant no harm.

“Then how _did_ you mean it?” Usually, the best way to deal with Steve was to keep asking him questions until he realized he was being an ass about things. It was something Bucky had learned a long time ago - Steve didn’t usually listen to anyone but himself if he didn’t want to.

Another sigh. “I’m just not sure how to feel about it. Stark and Iron Man are so different - or at least, they seem so different to me,” he corrected himself quickly. “It’s just that I’ve never really liked Stark, but I got along just fine with Iron Man, and now I’m just not sure what to think. Which one is the real one, and which one was I wrong about, or was it somewhere in the middle? And I keep thinking it might’ve been easier if I’d known before, so that I’d felt… less… about both of them.”

He huffed out a laugh. “I know that feeling,” he confided. “Though it’s probably easier for me, because I got to know Tony as well, and a lot of things are actually making _more_ sense for me now, instead of less.”

“Most likely,” Steve agreed with a chuckle of his own. “I mean, I _know_ it’s not fair to say he should’ve told us. I have some things I’d like to keep to myself, too. There’s just a lot of conflicting feelings and thoughts right now that I don’t really know what to do with, and it’s easier to say that he should’ve done things differently rather than thinking _I_ went about it all wrong, you know?”

“It’s always easier to blame someone else,” Bucky agreed, carefully not mentioning that it had always been very easy to blame _Tony_ for things. It wasn’t like he hadn’t done the same, after all.

From the cringe Steve tried to hide, his thoughts might have gone in the same direction.

“So… Can I ask you a question?” Steve rolled his eyes at the barely concealed amusement on Bucky’s face. “Fine, another question then.”

“Can always ask,” Bucky shrugged.

“Is, ah… I was just wondering, considering everything… You know, I do like Iron Man, but Stark not so much, and I just can’t figure out which one I got wrong, except the way you act makes me think it was Stark that I should’ve been getting along with better, but… So, yeah, that.”

It took some effort to refrain from telling him there were exactly zero questions in the rambling Steve had just done, but he did understand what his friend was asking. “Not sure I should be the one you ask about this,” he started honestly. Then again, who _were_ the others gonna ask about this? It wasn’t like Rhodes and Potts would be very impressed with them, after all, and Bucky _was_ the only one who’d really hung out with Tony other than Bruce, and that had been mostly for work.

“Thing is, from what I can tell, Iron Man is a lot of Tony without the baggage. I’ve seen some footage of how he was before he got kidnapped, and now that I know, I do see some of Iron Man in that. A bit more hesitant, a bit less devil-may-care, but a lot of that. Tony, he’s got a lot of defense mechanisms, and if the thinks you’re attacking he _will_ go on the defensive, and it ain’t nice. It doesn’t help he’s great at pretending not to care, and then there’s the gifts and the work he does for the Avengers and even the way he turned Stark Industries around and away from weapons though he didn’t have to…

“Worst is the fact that he really doesn’t seem used to people being kind to him, I think. He can deal with polite-but-wanting-something, and he sure as hell can deal with deflecting attacks in whatever way he feels most like in a particular moment, but someone being nice, he gets all… hesitant. Almost shy. Like he’s not sure what to do with it. Iron Man, he’s all jokes and that’s his own way of deflecting things, but there’s been a few times where someone’s nice to him and he doesn’t know what to with it then, either. Not really. So he jokes it away.”

There were more things he’d noticed, more things he could’ve said, but this was already rather personal, and the rest felt too… intimate to mention. Like it should stay between him and Tony or, in a few cases, just in Bucky’s mind. Such as the way he suspected Tony had been hurt over and over by the people around him, or the way he wondered just what Howard had been like as a father.

He’d been looking at Tony when talking, but when he looked back up at Steve, his friend’s blue eyes were wide open, shocked.

Frowning, Bucky tried to think back of what he’d said that would shock him that much, but he couldn’t really find anything. Not enough for _that_ amount of shock. Even when Steve spoke, Bucky couldn’t quite figure out why he’d had that kind of reaction. “Oh, wow…”

“ _What?_ ” Steve was still staring at him, and it was making him twitchy.

“I’m sorry, I just… didn’t realize. That you felt that way, that _much_ about him, I mean,” Steve explained, and now he realized what was going on. Realized that his monologue on what he should be feeling about Tony, about Iron Man, had told Steve more than enough about his own feelings. He couldn’t quite help the flush that was starting to spread across his cheeks.

While he’d been a well-known flirt back in the 40’s, he wasn’t quite sure how to deal with this. It probably didn’t help that he doubted he’d felt anything close to this for anyone back then. If he had, he was pretty sure he’d have remembered them.

So instead of replying, he just looked away and shrugged, hoping Steve wouldn’t continue on about it. He was endlessly grateful when he didn’t - apparently, being friends with Wilson had taught him some tact after all, or perhaps it was the years of life experience. One way or another, the subject was changed to the Legos Bucky was building, and he even let Steve help a little as a silent thank you. From the way the blond was smiling while stacking the tiny blocks, he guessed it had probably come across.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to come say hi at my [Tumblr](https://eirlyssa.tumblr.com/)! The final chapter should be out by Christmas.
> 
> (As for what some of you have mentioned - no, Pepper and Rhodey have no idea how bad things really are, with Tony and the Avengers both. I'm not sure if they will know in this story, either.)


	3. Help me (see myself clearer)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are being cleared up, individually and (eventually) as a group as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, as you may have noticed - there is another chapter coming. I'm planning on having that up before the end of the year, but no guarantees on what day, yet. It's just that I could've ended it here, on a hopeful ending, but I wanted _more_. I hope you all do, too!

That night, he stared at the ceiling as he thought on his talk with Steve, and his thoughts about Tony and Iron Man. A rueful grin spread across his face as he realized all of his considerations and thoughts and feelings weren’t nearly as complicated as they felt.

Most of the problem was him refusing to think on subjects that were frustrating to him, to be quite honest. Part of him wanted to set things up the next day so Potts would be keeping Tony company while he beat on a punching bag and thought on them, but the larger part of him cringed away from the thought. He’d needed to be elsewhere for a bit today, but to do it again the very next day felt like he would be breaking the promise he’d made. Already.

Instead, he resolved to go to sleep and figure out a way to get through it all the next day. It would be good practice for keeping his calm in difficult situations, if nothing else.

The ‘plan’ turned out to be one of the superhero-resistant stress balls Tony had designed for Steve, Thor and himself. Of course, they didn’t last as long as the punching bags, but then again, Iron Man had told him it wasn’t about _hurting_ the ball, or squeezing it until it broke. He’d instead likened it to holding someone’s hand, getting their support, and the rhythmic movements that were soothing. As if to reinforce the idea, the more resistant balls had been made in Avengers colors, with Bucky promptly and unashamedly grabbing up a bunch of Iron Man ones when he’d seen them.

He smiled, recalling the way Iron Man had laughed. Even now, he didn’t regret it. There were a few red, white and blue balls, and he’d taken one of his own because Steve had handed it to him, but they weren’t as effective. The silver one with the red star had been crushed the first time he’d tried to use it, and he mostly wanted to throw the Captain America ones at whatever was frustrating him (which he felt was rather appropriate, knowing Steve), but the Iron Man ones _did_ feel a bit like holding someone’s hand.

Squeezing gently, he finally allowed himself to think about what bothered him most - the way Iron Man had always spoken about Tony Stark. He’d thought it harsh, and had wondered what could have happened between the two of them for the generally kind Iron Man to hate someone that much.

As it turned out, it was himself he hated that much, and there was something deeply concerning about that.

Before the kidnapping, Tony Stark had been different - outgoing, careless, irreverent. It had seemed to Bucky, looking at some of it, that he’d hated the entire world and just wanted to find whatever way he could to avoid it. Then he’d come back, had stopped weapons development and started work on Iron Man to make the world a better place.

Somewhere along the way, he’d turned from aiming his hatred at the world to aiming it at himself. Bucky wondered, squeezing again and again, if it had been all of the previous hurts and pains piled up until Tony just couldn’t handle it anymore, or whether the kidnapping had been solely responsible. He wasn’t sure what would be worse. Hell, he wasn’t even sure he wanted to know the answer.

What he did know was that he wanted to be able to help Tony see the person Bucky saw when he looked at him, because right now he didn’t.

It was frustrating how he’d been well on his way to maybe being someone Tony could trust, someone that would be there for him even when he tried pushing them away, but the first time something happened he’d left like all of the others, if they’d ever even been there.

Taking a deep breath, Bucky focused on the feeling of the stress ball in his hand, soft and smooth, the red and gold scheme calming him down. It wouldn’t do any good to get angry right now, especially since he had no one to blame but himself. Not to mention it wouldn’t do Tony any good to have Bucky drive himself away out of anger at himself. To Tony, it wouldn’t make that much of a difference what the reason for Bucky’s absence would be - he’d still be alone, no matter what had been promised to him.

Bucky needed a plan. He needed to figure out how to be there for Tony, if the other wanted him to be.

The first thing would be an apology. Well, no, the first thing would be asking him how he was and doing his best to take care of him, but the first step towards getting back the friendship they had been starting to build. An apology, not necessarily for getting angry - Bucky knew he’d get angry more often, and he wasn’t technically ashamed of _or_ sorry for the fact that he had gotten angry in defense of his friend - but for the way he had dealt with that anger. He should have calmed down, not stormed into Tony’s lab yelling accusations. Both of them were terrible at conflicts in their own way, Bucky losing sight of rational thought and Tony deflecting in whatever way he thought would defend himself best, so that would be something to work on in general.

Then, he’d ask if they could try again. He knew they’d been friends before, even knew that he was still friendly with Iron Man, but he wanted to make sure Tony knew that he had no obligations to have things be the way they were before when Bucky had hurt him.

At least he now knew what had been bothering Iron Man - the fact that even Bucky, who was the only one to have even tried for a friendship with the actual Tony, had dropped him like a hot potato the first time they argued. It must have felt like a confirmation of everything he’d already thought about himself, a confirmation that he could never let anyone know that he was Iron Man because Tony Stark couldn’t be anyone’s friend.

Dropping the stress ball, Bucky took a few deep breaths. His hand had been clenching a bit too tightly for comfort, and he didn’t want to break the Iron Man-themed ball.

Once he was a bit calmer again, he picked it back up, running his fingers over it to check for damage. There was nothing, of course. As long as they were at least somewhat careful with the things, Tony had made very sure they wouldn’t break.

So yeah, plan. Apology, then start again. Be patient, and _staying_ this time, even when things got rough. There was a good chance that, once Tony got more comfortable, he’d start a fight to see what would happen, which he would have to take into account. So he’d need to read up on how to deal with conflicts, and see if he could manage to apply whatever lessons there might be. Somehow, he thought staying as calm as possible might just be one of them.

Other than that, well, there wasn’t a lot to plan. Relationships were organic anyway, and even when he was shyer and more afraid to be hurt, Tony was changeable. He could switch from one topic to another in a second, could suddenly have a brilliant idea that he had to try out _right now_.

Secretly, Bucky hoped it would be that way again. He’d loved going along with those flights of fancy, had thought them exciting. They’d taught him new things, had allowed him to let go of control sometimes and just ride things out.

They had also been the times he thought Tony was the most like himself, when there was a glint in his eyes and a smile on his face and excitement vibrating through him. In those moments, he didn’t think of everything that he thought was wrong about him, didn’t consider himself a bad person, because he was so busy thinking of whatever idea he’d had that it just flowed out of him instead.

In the back of his mind, there was a small voice wondering about _more than friendship_ , but Bucky tried to ignore that. Yes, he had liked Iron Man, even when all he’d known was his character and the suit. Yes, he had liked Tony, even if it was hesitant and he didn’t dare to like him too much and it had been like waiting for the other shoe to drop. And yes, knowing both of them were the same, knowing so much about who Tony really was and wondering about so many things more, he might actually like him _more_ than he had before. But the last thing Tony needed was another someone trying to befriend him for ulterior motives.

So if all Tony would ever want was friendship, then Bucky genuinely thought he deserved to have that, and he was determined not to let his feelings get in the way.

And sure, he could hope that Tony would come to get feelings for him as well, but he made sure to think very carefully on whether that was his _motive_ for befriending Tony. Fortunately, he realized, it really wasn’t. He might be a bit sad if his feelings weren’t returned, but what he wanted was for Tony to be happy, and to have people that he could trust to have his back and that would stand by his side and that would think the _best_ of him instead of the worst.

“Don’t you worry,” he whispered, looking at Tony. “I’ll be there, just like I promised, for as long as you want me to. And it’s not even _despite_ who you really are, it’s _because of_ who you are, who you always were.”

Of course, Tony couldn’t hear him right now, but once he was ready to hear it, he would make the same promise to him out loud, again. He deserved to hear it.

It felt right. There were still things he didn’t know, of course, and he was still worried about Tony’s utter lack of self-esteem, but if he was allowed to be there, he wanted to help. He wanted to hear about Tony’s experiences (and perhaps low-key planning some murder on the side, depending on what he heard, even if premeditated murder was apparently _illegal_ \- planning was allowed, and if someone might have an inconvenient accident, well… Ghosts, right?) and he wanted to tell him that, whatever bad things people had told him, they were _wrong_. Or at least they were wrong to imply that was all Tony was, or all he would ever be.

He hoped that, one day, he could make Tony believe it as well. Ideally, one day soon.

That did require Tony waking up first, though. It turned out that the doctors had decided to keep him under for one more day, so his ribcage would remain stable, because they had some experience with Tony as a patient and apparently he wanted _out_ as quickly as possible.

As much as Bucky understood that, he also understood that it would be a very, very bad idea in this case. So he discussed the situation with Potts and JARVIS, had even asked them for Rhodes’ phone number and called the Colonel, to see if there was any way to make it easier for Tony to be kept in bed for a while longer.

The closet at the side of the room was now filled with Legos and puzzles and board games and a few dexterity games. He’d made sure there were tablets Tony could work with, and JARVIS had talked him through placing a few sensors in the room that would allow him to project by Tony’s bed so he could work on projects that way, too. Other than that, he was hoping that having some company might be of assistance as well, though Rhodes had told him that had always been a bit of a toss-up.

Then, it was just more waiting. The doctors had told them it would probably take a few hours, even after taking Tony off the Propofol, until he would wake up. Of course, the riskiest part would be the fact that they couldn’t remove the breathing tube until he was awake, the sensation of which might make him panic.

Bucky made very sure to be right at his side from the moment he was taken off the medicine, not wanting to miss the moment he woke up. It didn’t surprise him at all that Rhodes and Potts joined him soon after.

“Hopefully, having us here will help him stay calm,” Potts told him, most likely more to assure herself than because he really needed an explanation.

“Any idea of something to say or do, or just wing it?” he asked in return. He had no experience with Tony being ill, not really - even when Iron Man was a little under the weather, he was either okay enough to do his usual thing (or he faked it well enough) or he kept away from everyone else until he was feeling better again.

“Keep the music on, I think,” Rhodes suggested. “It’ll give him something else to focus on.”

“Our voices might help as well. If we just keep talking, even if it’s about unimportant subjects, it could help,” was Potts’ addition.

Optimistically, Bucky’s contribution had been to put one of the stress balls - this time the Winter Soldier-themed one - in Tony’s hand. It felt a little presumptuous, but an Iron Man one might be too much of a reminder, and he wanted Tony to know he’d be there for him. And hey, he still had enough of the Iron Man ones to switch them if it turned out the other man didn’t want the Winter one.

“So… How’s work been this week?” he asked Potts, cringing a bit when he heard himself say it.

She took to the subject gratefully, though. “No busier than usual, fortunately. There’s been a few meetings that I had to attend…”

After that, the conversation flowed a bit more smoothly, following up with Rhodes’ work in the military as well as how he was doing with War Machine, and his general experience in the army as well as Bucky’s. Somehow, though he wasn’t quite able to retrace the conversation, they ended up arguing about plums (Bucky) versus mangos (Rhodes).

Somewhere during Bucky and Rhodes analyzing the differences in taste between the both of them, as well as their assorted properties, Potts egging the both of them on laughingly, there was a movement in the corner of Bucky’s eye.

He instantly turned towards the bed, where he noticed Tony’s fingers twitching around the stress ball. Potts was holding his other hand, and she gasped when he started squeezing her hand a little as well. Rhodes, noticing what was going on, pressed the button for the doctors even as he went on to talk about how mangos were obviously the superior fruit, considering how often they were used for flavoring in various fruit juices.

“That just means they’re not enough to stand on their own - which plums do very well. Not to mention they are technically the healthier fruit,” Bucky replied. 

Doctor Wu joined them silently, checking Tony’s vitals. Bucky wasn’t quite sure if he was entirely awake or just getting there, so he and Rhodes were careful to keep up the talk.

“He should be stable enough to remove the tube once he’s fully awake,” the doctor told them.

When Tony opened his eyes, it was sudden. All of his muscles seemed to jolt at once, which couldn’t be good for his injuries. From the grimace on his face, it hurt him quite a bit. “There’s fewer sugars in plums, though, and more galactose as well,” he told Rhodes, trying to find something to distract Tony with.

“What did you do, look up all of the nutrition facts of fruit?” Rhodes asked him incredulously, sharing a grin with him when the both of them saw Tony relax as he listened to them.

“It’s important to know what you’re eating,” he shrugged, because yes, that was exactly what he had done. The internet was great, and looking up stupid things like fruit facts and cat videos helped with his nightmares. Not that anyone except Iron Man had known about that, of course.

While they’d been talking, the doctor had moved to Tony’s side, working on the machines. “Alright, Mr. Stark, I’m going to turn off the machine to see if you can breathe on your own, alright?”

One hand moved into a thumbs-up, and Dr. Wu shut down the machine.

“Not to mention,” he continued talking to Rhodes, keeping up the distraction, “plums have the benefit of not needing to peel them before you can eat them - just give them a wash, and you can pop ‘em right in.”

“They’re all soft and squishy, though. At least mangos have some substance.” The Colonel was really good at this, which probably shouldn’t surprise Bucky all that much. In order to keep up with Tony, you’d have to be, after all. And Rhodes had been by his side ever since they’d studied together, which had been quite a while. Part of Bucky wondered if Rhodes had noticed how much Tony had changed, or whether the public face had really only been shown to the public and not his friends.

“Plums have plenty substance, you heathen. Just ‘cause you can’t appreciate a delicate touch…”

Potts was chuckling to the side, and Rhodes had a grin on his face. More importantly, while Dr. Wu was guiding Tony through the removal of the breathing tube, the genius appeared to be more focused on the argument between the two of them than on what was happening, though at least part of that was probably a conscious decision.

It wasn’t a hardship to do whatever he could to help Tony out, though. Bucky was mostly just glad to see it was working as well as it was.

“I can appreciate a delicate touch plenty, I’ll have you know. I appreciate the most delicate of touches just fine. But I want to be able to eat my fruits without worrying I’ll squish them.” It was almost funny how offended he managed to sound while defending his choice of _mangos_ , of all things.

“There you are, Mr. Stark. Here’s a chip of ice - make sure to allow it to melt slowly.”

Now, their attention turned fully to Tony. He still didn’t look great at all, but it was a little less scary without the tube in his mouth. “Good afternoon, Mr. Stark,” Potts greeted him almost formally, although the smile on her face told Bucky that it was a familiar joke. “How are you doing?”

Tony opened his mouth, only to have the bare whisper of a croak coming out. His lips pulled wryly, and he grabbed another ice chip that he sucked on vigorously. Bucky shifted uneasily - it _really_ wasn’t the time to be getting thoughts.

When he tried again, he finally managed to make a word come out. “Blueberries,” he uttered huskily.

Bucky stared. He couldn’t help it. Then again, he could see enough of both Rhodes and Potts to notice that they were both staring as well. Tony looked back challengingly, as if daring all of them to argue, and it was enough to make Bucky crack up. Once he’d started laughing, Rhodes joined in as well, and even Potts let out a few giggles.

“Only you, Tones,” Rhodes spoke between chuckles. “Only you.”

“I’ll take that to mean you’re doing as well as can be expected,” Potts told him, affection obvious in her voice. “And I’m glad to hear it.”

Considering his throat, Tony wasn’t really able to say more than a few words at a time, but she didn’t seem to have any trouble understanding the “job hunting” he managed next.

She sniffed theatrically. “As if. The company’s mine now, after all.” They smiled at one another, and Bucky felt a little like he was intruding. “But I would have hated trying to find another head of R&D as dedicated as you are, not to mention your engineering skills. I do hate job interviews, even when I’m the one hiring.”

At that, Tony huffed out a laugh even as he rolled his eyes at her. Then he finally turned to meet Bucky’s eyes, and the assassin could see the uncertainty in those brown eyes even as Tony pretended not to care.

“Glad you’re awake,” he started honestly, and inwardly cringed at the surprise he could see flicker over Tony’s face before it was hidden away again. “Was hoping you’d allow me to stay with you while you’re over here. Heard it can get awful boring, even if this room seems supplied with plenty of distractions.”

The apology would come when Tony was a little more up to actually talking himself. What he wanted most now was permission to stay, considering that wasn’t really something to do without the consent of the person hospitalized once they were capable of giving it.

Although it was clear that he didn’t understand, and even though it looked as though he expected Bucky to leave soon enough, Tony did end up nodding. Which, now that he considered it, was rather fortunate - it would have been rather awkward clearing out all of the stuff that he’d gathered in the room while Tony was awake and watching, and that was really something he should’ve thought of _before_ they took him off the meds.

All three of them stayed with Tony the rest of the afternoon, Dr. Wu leaving once he’d given his instructions. The genius mainlined the ice chips the entire time, making Bucky wonder just how much his throat was hurting as well as grateful for the fact that there was a machine just one room over. If it weren’t for hygiene, he’d have considered moving it into their room instead.

Dinner was held together with all four of them, though Tony really only sipped thin broth through a straw. Fortunately, JARVIS had been careful to send up rather bland foods to them as well, including mushrooms, which he knew Tony didn’t like.

In the end, though, it was just the two of them. Rhodes and Potts had both told them goodnight, with Potts admonishing him to stay in the room and to stay _still_ and Rhodes just telling him JARVIS would be keeping an eye out, and then they were gone. Bucky was rather hesitant to meet Tony’s eyes, and he wasn’t sure this was the time for a talk anyway, considering the other man was still unable to speak a whole lot.

Fortunately, Tony himself seemed to agree. “Night,” he croaked softly, shifting a little in the bed in what looked like a failed attempt to get more comfortable.

Bucky would have been suspicious, but Tony genuinely looked exhausted. Not for the first time, he wondered what painkillers they were giving him, because it didn’t look to be nearly enough. That wasn’t really his business, though - that was between Tony and his doctors.

With Tony breathing on his own, he was more restless during the night. Every time there was a slight delay in breathing, Bucky startled awake to wonder if he was alright or if his lungs had collapsed, even though JARVIS would no doubt warn him if something like that were to happen. He’d gotten used to the machine, though, and his hearing was too good to miss any changes in rhythm.

By the time morning rolled around, he’d hardly slept at all. To be fair, he also knew Tony had been awake several times during the night, most likely due to the pain, so neither of them looked all that well-rested.

The breakfast tray they were sent included a smoothie for Tony, who drank it gratefully. “Flavor,” he sighed happily.

“Yeah, that broth didn’t look like it was a whole lot more than water,” Bucky agreed. His breakfast was relatively plain again, though he didn’t mind. In comparison to what Tony was allowed to eat, his was practically a feast. And he didn’t want to make Tony feel too bad about all the things he wasn’t allowed, which was also why he guessed Rhodes and Potts were having breakfast elsewhere. Army rations had been far worse, and it wasn’t like HYDRA cared all that much to give him anything that wasn’t tasteless. Compared to either of those, this was a luxury.

“Wasn’t,” Tony agreed, grimacing and taking another sip. Bucky wondered how bad his throat was feeling, and made a mental note to make sure the glass of water by Tony’s bedside would remain filled.

“Just so you know - JARVIS talked me through installing some sensors. If your throat bothers you too much but you want to say anything, you can conjure up a keyboard and type things out instead.” He watched with a smile as Tony tried it out, waving his hand for the keyboard to appear.

 _Thanks both_ appeared by the wall soon after, projected on there for easier legibility.

“It wasn’t a problem,” Bucky assured him. Tony didn’t look entirely sure about that, but he didn’t remark on it further, instead turning back to his smoothie. They were both silent as they finished breakfast, and it felt somewhat awkward to Bucky, which wasn’t the purpose of it. So he tried to think of something to say, drawing a blank every time.

By the time breakfast was finished, he was grateful to see Rhodes and Potts coming in, dissolving the tension somewhat with their warm greetings and easy ways of going about things.

Bucky allowed himself to fade into the background a bit as the three of them talked and argued good-naturedly. Tony switched between talking in short sentences and using the keyboard for anything longer that he needed to say, already looking more than comfortable with it, and Bucky was proud to have helped with that at least.

Then Rhodes pulled one of the games out of the closet, inviting Bucky to play as well. He wasn’t even surprised when it ended up being Tony and Potts competing about real estate while he and Rhodes were trying to survive walking their way around the Monopoly board - honestly, this was mostly a game of luck, so how did the two of them still manage to beat them so badly? On the bright side, Rhodes was looking equally resigned.

By the time the other two left, the atmosphere in the room was far more relaxed, and he and Tony worked together on one of his larger Lego projects in mostly comfortable silence.

It didn’t entirely surprise him that Tony seemed… wary. Even as the days passed, as his throat got better and he talked more easily, he kept their talks superficial and distant, if polite. Bucky could see the uncertainty about him, no doubt wondering why he was there, but he wasn’t sure if he should explain yet, if he even could. He wanted to, and if Tony asked for an explanation, he would. But he didn’t think Tony was ready to hear it and _believe_ him when he said he was sorry, not to mention have any trust that he meant it.

Instead, he set to proving that he could stick to the promise he’d made, sticking around to make sure Tony wouldn’t get too bored. Every couple of days, he left for an hour or so, getting in a quick bit of exercise and a shower while Potts was with him to discuss company business, before returning to his side again.

One of the things that bothered him somewhat was the fact that none of the others really visited. Steve had asked him how Tony was doing when they came across one another at the gym, as had Wilson. He’d seen both Natasha and Barton lurking around a few times, as well, though the both of them stayed out of Tony’s room. The Maximoff siblings hadn’t been near at all, though Bucky had no doubt Steve was keeping the both of them informed.

Fortunately, both Thor and Bruce had been by a few times. Predictably, Thor’s apology had been waved off, but he was happy enough to stay around and play a few games - even though his enthusiasm could be a bit much sometimes, he was anything but a sore loser and Bucky and Tony both rather liked the fact that he was always eager to learn more and have fun. Bruce had kept things superficial, but his scientific discussions with Tony meant the genius didn’t get bored as quickly, which helped keep him in bed for longer. Neither of them had brought up Iron Man, aside from Thor’s apology referring to getting Tony hurt inside the suit, and Bucky wondered if it was better that way for now.

He’d been determined to allow Tony to bring it up when he was ready to hear it, though, and he stuck to that. Predictably, the way Tony brought it up still caught him off-guard.

“You know you don’t have to be here, right?”

It took him a few moments to register the question, busy as he had been figuring out the relatively complicated instructions on his Lego Bugatti Chiron set. When he did so, however, he set down the instructions to focus fully on Tony.

“I realize that, yes,” he calmly told the man he still hoped he was allowed to call his friend. “Why do you ask?”

From the look on Tony’s face, the response surprised him. “It’s just… I don’t get why you’re here?” he offered, hesitant. His voice was still somewhat more hoarse than usual, but at least it no longer hurt him to talk.

“Multiple reasons, really,” Bucky told him. He kind of wanted to ask why Tony thought he was here, because he could tell from the look on his face that they were most likely all the wrong reasons, but that wouldn’t be fair to Tony, either. Bucky was the one who had something to make up for. “I promised, to start with. I promised I’d be there if you needed me, if you wanted me, and so I’m going to be here unless you don’t want me here.”

Before he could continue to give his reasons, Tony interrupted. “I know you did, and I appreciate it, I do. But really, don’t feel obligated. It can’t be a lot of fun, and I wouldn’t blame you if you wanted to go - you kept to your promise, more than I’d ever expected.”

That, he had known. Even back when he made the promise, Iron Man hadn’t seemed to believe him. Tony had even fewer reasons to. “It’s not an obligation to me,” he told Tony, who looked at him like he belonged in a mental institution. “It’s really not. I like hanging out with you, always have. This isn’t some sort of punishment for me, Tony.”

Tony’s hand was clenching in his sheets, and he wasn’t looking at Bucky when he spoke. “I know… you don’t like me much. And I get… I don’t want you to feel guilty about this. About me being here. I know… I mean, it wasn’t your fault. I don’t want you to be uncomfortable, or to feel like you have to be here, because I saved you, because I didn’t do it for that, I don’t want you to feel bad about it. You didn’t…” He was frowning, but it was clear that he wasn’t done talking yet. As much as he wanted to interrupt, to clear things up, Bucky needed to _listen_ first. “I know… I’m sorry, about not telling you. And I know you liked hanging out with Iron Man. But… You know, it’s me. And I’m not… I meant those warnings, and they’re still true, you _know_ they are. Iron Man was a mask, and it’s… Well, it’s me underneath.” He shrugged, as though that was all that needed to be said on that subject.

Bucky, of course, disagreed quite strongly. That wasn’t even close to all. “Yeah, it is you underneath. But that’s… You seem to think that’s a bad thing, and hell, I understand why, ‘cause none of us have done a thing to change your mind on that, but it’s not. I’m not here just because I feel bad, or guilty, or _obligated_. I’m here because I want you to know that I was an idiot, and that I care, and that you _deserve_ having someone care.”

Wide brown eyes met his, disbelief obvious. “But I don’t.” The way he said it, so matter-of-fact, like Bucky was the one who didn’t understand things, was heartbreaking. Above all because it showed so clearly that Tony had been treated absolutely terribly, and that he believed he _deserved_ that.

Taking a deep breath, Bucky tried to calm himself down. He kind of wished he had one of the stress balls now, just to keep himself calm. Arguing right now, especially as fiercely as he wanted to argue that sentiment, would not help the situation at all.

“I think you do,” he calmly told Tony. “I think everyone does, including you.”

“I’m not a good person, Bucky. I’ve never been and I never will be, I _meant_ that.”

“You _are_ ,” Bucky told him, knowing even as he said it that he had lost too much of his calm. The frustration in his tone wasn’t aimed at Tony, not really, but he understood very well that it probably wouldn’t feel the same to the other man.

Instantly, he could see Tony tense up, gearing up to fight. Now that he was looking, he could see that look flashing in his eyes, a look that reminded him most of a cornered animal. “I’m not and you _know_ it. You knew it well enough before, after all. I didn’t change since then. ‘ _I thought you were a good person_ ’, wasn’t it? ‘ _Sorry I didn’t listen to you_ ’, right? Or my personal favorite - ‘ _Only cares about himself_ ’. ‘ _I should’ve listened_ ’, you even told me. You _know_ that I’m no good and you _believed_ it just fine. And that’s me. Not Iron Man, not whatever you thought he might have been. It was always just me. So don’t go pretending you _care_ all of a sudden, like you think I’m some sort of _good_ person. We both know I’m not.”

It sounded angry and defeated at the same time, and Bucky didn’t know what to do. Didn’t know what to say to make Tony believe that he cared, because the genius was right - Bucky had left him, had said some pretty terrible things to his face and behind his back.

Rather than argue, which he wanted to do (and which would no doubt make the situation worse), Bucky sighed deeply. “I’m sorry,” he told Tony, who promptly deflated to look at him uncomprehendingly again. “I’m sorry for the things I said, and I’m sorry for the way I took out my worry about Iron Man on you.”

“Wait, what…? Why are you sorry?” The increasing stress in Tony’s voice worried Bucky, but he deserved to hear this.

“Because I was wrong.” He made sure to catch Tony’s eyes, trying to make it clear how serious he was about this. “I was worried about him, and I took that out on you. I should have calmed down first, shouldn’t have started yelling at you, because you didn’t deserve that. We were…” Now he did have to break eye contact. “We were friends, or at least I thought so. But the way I acted… I shouldn’t have. I should have given you at least some trust, some benefit of a doubt, because I _knew_ you. And I should’ve known you wouldn’t have done something like that on purpose - not to anyone else, at least.”

Sadness grew inside him when he realized Tony didn’t look any less like a hunted animal - if anything, this was making it all even worse. Because Tony thought Bucky was lying to his face, or maybe getting the entirely wrong impression of him, or just here and saying anything because he felt guilty. And he wasn’t sure how to make that better.

“Can we… I know I don’t deserve it, but I would like to try again, to be a good friend to you.”

At least that broke Tony out of whatever mental spiral he was stuck in. “No!” Bucky flinched back slightly, but the other instantly continued. “I mean, no, you weren’t… You were always a good friend. I was the one who messed things up - I always do, Bucky. I wasn’t lying when I told you that, and it’s _still true_.”

Bucky swallowed. If he said the wrong thing now, he didn’t think there would be a way to ever show Tony the truth. It felt like he was on the edge of a precipice somehow. “Back then, when you warned me about being friends with… well, with yourself. One of the things that I’ve always appreciated about being friends with you, whether it was Iron Man or Tony Stark, was the fact that you let me make my own decisions, told me I was free to make my own choices. You’d support me whatever happened - sometimes it wasn’t a good idea and we had to burn those cookies to the ground because they turned out to be so inedible or you were there for me when I was sad about things, and sometimes it turned out well and we watched that volcano explode together or you got me more Lego sets, even kept buying them after I’d been terrible to you. But you’d always support me making my own decisions.” Oh God, this was sounding too much like he wanted to guilt Tony into letting him be his friend. “The thing is, I… It’s not that I’m not listening to… I mean…”

Shaking his head, he started pacing instead, needing to do _something_. Then, struck by inspiration, he headed over to his own bed and grabbed one of the Iron Man stress balls before walking back to Tony again and sitting by his side. He kept the arm with the stress ball visible as he squeezed it, noticing how the other’s attention was drawn to it.

“The thing is, I know you believe it. I understand why you believe it,” he tried to explain, keeping his voice smooth and calm. “But just like before, I doubt that’s all there is to it, to _you_. And I would really like to try again, if you’ll let me.”

Tony still looked hesitant. “Even after I’ve _already_ hurt you?” There was a lot between the lines, a lot of unspoken worries that left Tony unsure, and Bucky hoped that one day, he’d be able to make Tony believe that he did deserve good things.

“I’ve hurt you too, remember?” He kept the question almost light, rhetorical. No doubt Tony thought it had all been justified. “I think conflicts and arguments can happen in any friendship - I know they’ve happened in all of mine, at least. But when it does, you can decide if you think that friendship is worth salvaging anyway. And I don’t know about you, but I know I’ve enjoyed my friendships with Tony and Iron Man both, and I’d really like to be friends with both of them still.”

He had no illusions that things would go back to the way they were before. But he knew both Tony and Iron Man, had been friends with both of them to some extent, and he knew any effort would be worth it.

“If you’re sure.” Tony didn’t seem to be, which didn’t surprise Bucky. Even though he didn’t deserve it after what he’d done, he knew Tony was more concerned about him and his well-being than he was about Bucky abandoning him again.

“Very,” he assured him.

Although he was still wary, and Bucky still caught his (hopefully) friend watching him contemplatively on occasion, it really wasn’t any worse than it had been the first few times Bucky had come down to see Tony. He’d gotten so used to being left, being betrayed, that anyone getting close to him was a cause for caution.

Bucky honestly felt privileged that it wasn’t worse, that Tony didn’t show any bitterness about what had happened before even if he deserved to. Oh, he had no doubt that it would be brought back up whenever he felt threatened, but Bucky had learned - he’d even asked Wilson if he knew a good counselor, whom he went to visit bi-weekly in order to learn how to deal with… well, with _everything_ , really. He might have gotten through the days fine, and he honestly appreciated the way all of the other Avengers did their best to help him out in whatever way they could, but he also knew he could use some help, still.

Things around the Tower were awkward, for some time. Even after Tony had been released from his bed-rest, he kept himself separate from the Avengers. Honestly, after the way they’d all rather left him alone, Bucky couldn’t blame him. He was welcome in the lab most of the time, and Tony was okay interacting with Thor and Bruce, but he evaded all of the others with some assistance from JARVIS.

It somewhat amused him that Tony and the Maximoff twins had a correspondence exclusively through emails. Whatever had been in the letter they had left by his bedside, it had resulted in him sending them a mail. Tony had later confessed to him that all three of them were better at getting to know one another without being near one another, just to be sure. While Bucky still wasn’t sure about them (and the Witch’s power set still unnerved him), that did make him like them a little more than he had before.

The other four, he was decidedly unimpressed with. Of course, he did somewhat understand - the thought had crossed his mind as well, after all. But he also knew that their absence, though probably intended well, had hurt Tony. He was now convinced that all of them hated him now that they knew he had been Iron Man all along, and that his companionship with them back then had been destroyed now that they knew it was Tony Stark in the suit.

“I just… treated him so badly, you know?” Steve told him when they were in the gym at the same time. Bucky smacked the bag a little harder, both regretful and somewhat relieved that he wasn’t sparring with Steve at the moment.

“I know,” he growled. “Still ain’t doing great, honestly.”

“I don’t know how to start,” Steve complained, and the bag broke off the chain. At least it was just the chain this time, though.

He turned to face Steve, who cringed a bit when he saw the look on Bucky’s face. “You don’t know, or you’re too damn stubborn to?” It seemed fairly obvious to him that an _apology_ might be a proper start, followed by actually getting to know him. Considering that’s what _each and every single one of them_ currently talking to Tony had done.

The blond clenched his jaw, though, which made Bucky want to punch it even more. Perhaps the gym wasn’t the best location for this talk. “It’s not about stubbornness and you know it. There’s just a lot of… conflict. With thinking.”

Drawing on the practice he’d had in dealing with confrontations, Bucky took a deep breath, trying to settle himself. Arguing with Steve wasn’t a whole lot more successful than arguing with Tony, after all, and this was a good way of getting some experience in these kinds of situations. “So what do you need, then? ‘Cause it seems there’s a lot of conflict with thinking, and with feeling, and with acting. Which means nothing’s happening, which probably makes all of the other things worse. So what do you need?”

It did help to settle Steve, who sighed and sat down on one of the benches by the side of the room. “I don’t know. I mean, I’ve tried talking about it with Sam, but he kind of feels the same, so that hasn’t really helped.”

Yeah, Bucky could’ve told him that much. He knew Wilson was a counselor, but there were reasons that professionals didn’t try to treat their friends and family, even more so when they were involved in the situation themselves. Not to mention that Bucky might not mind the guy, but Wilson was a counselor, not a licenced therapist.

“Alright. But do you _want_ to talk about it with someone?” He knew Steve, and Steve had never been the kind of guy that liked to talk about his feelings. “And if so, do you want to talk with someone that knows about things, or someone that’s not involved in the situation?”

“I just… don’t know.” He felt some pity for Steve, looking at the wrecked look on his face, but it was tempered some by the fact that he’d also seen Tony and the way he looked up every time the door opened to reveal that Steve and the others still didn’t bother to visit him. He was happy with the ones that did, and Potts had told Bucky that Tony had never abided by being on bed-rest as well as he had this time, but he’d seen Tony look at the ‘gifts’ that Steve, Wilson, Barton and Natasha had brought sadly.

He sat down next to Steve, trying to stay calm and non-judgmental. Quite honestly, he was proud of how well he managed. “I can’t tell you what to do, Steve. I’m guessing you’ve tried punching or running it out. You… well, knowing you, talking to people might not help all that much. But there’s this… art therapy? You draw things out, or something? And then there’s the possibility of writing a letter. And if all of those don’t work, well… You’re you, Steve. You might’ve been scared of things, might’ve hesitated, but you’ve always tried to do the right thing. So just… try to stick to that.”

“Yeah, that sounds… I’ll try that,” Steve agreed, though he still sounded unsure. Bucky decided it wasn’t really his business anymore and left it with that.

Overall, they had been _very_ lucky there had been no attacks even after Tony had gotten better. He’d managed to fake being alright, video conferencing with JARVIS’ help with the excuse that he _needed_ his bodyguard, but it was public knowledge that Iron Man was out for a while. Thankfully, the Fantastic Four and the X-Men had helped out when necessary, but even after Tony got better, Bucky was quietly aware that their teamwork might suffer.

Unfortunately, Steve had come to the same conclusion. Rather than deal with his own issues with Tony first, he’d called for a mandatory team meeting for everyone. Bucky wanted to punch him.

“I’ll be right beside you,” he told Tony, who looked like he was walking to his execution. “I don’t know what his idea is, or what he wants to say, but you’re not alone in there.”

“Thanks.” Tony smiled hesitantly at him, though it was clearly forced.

Bucky didn’t think he’d be the only one willing to support Tony. Thor and Banner had both been alright with him, after all, and they seemed like they had started to care. Even more hilariously, all things considered, the Maximoffs actually had grown closer to Tony, and Bucky was reasonably sure they at least wouldn’t be _against_ him in any way, even if there was a mutual hesitance, still. Then again, Tony was somewhat hesitant around everyone.

Most importantly, Bucky had asked if Rhodes could be there, which would hopefully keep everyone calm and reasonable. Although the Colonel still wasn’t aware of the full extent of things, he had been observant enough about the atmosphere that he had requested that Potts be on standby as well, in case they needed her.

Once they were all seated, Bucky and Rhodes on either side of Tony, everyone looked at Steve, who cleared his throat. “Alright, thank you for being here, everyone. I wanted to talk to everyone, since there have been some… difficulties, lately.” He very carefully did not look at Tony, who looked down at the table miserably. Bucky wondered if it would be alright to hold his hand. “So I thought it would be best to talk about them here, in a safe environment, before anything can go wrong in the field.”

No one else really commented, and it was difficult not to flinch at the awkwardness in the room. Beside him, Bucky could feel Tony growing more and more tense.

“I guess I just want to know… why did you keep it a secret?” Steve asked, looking straight at Tony with that damn _look_ , all righteous and disappointed, and Bucky’s glare could have burned water. He tapped Tony’s leg, holding out his hand, and Tony didn’t even hesitate to grab hold of it.

“A little less accusing and a little more curious, thank you,” Rhodes sternly told him from Tony’s other side, and Bucky suspected it was the only thing that prevented Tony from lashing out the way he did when he felt threatened. The fact that there were people on his side must’ve made all the difference to someone who was used to everyone hating him, after all.

Taking a deep breath, Tony appeared to settle himself. “Because Iron Man was supposed to be _good_. A _hero_. And everyone in the world knows Tony Stark is anything but. They trusted Iron Man to keep them safe, to do the right thing. No one would’ve trusted Tony Stark.”

With Bucky’s glare on him, Steve seemed a bit more careful with his questioning, as well. “We are a team, though. Couldn’t you at least have told us?”

Feeling the hand he was holding shake, Bucky rubbed one finger over it in an attempt to soothe Tony. The only reason he hadn’t told the lot of them this was _not okay_ was the fact that this was necessary, and even then, Steve was _this_ close to pissing him off enough that he’d start yelling. Considering that wouldn’t improve the entire situation, though, Bucky focused on Tony’s hand in his in order to keep himself calm as well.

“Before you answer anything, Tony,” Rhodes interrupted, looking at Tony to ask if it was okay to continue. When the genius nodded, he looked back over at Steve, gaze moving around the rest of the table as well to include everyone. “I won’t say I don’t understand how it feels. But it’s his right not to tell you private things. You all agreed that it was Iron Man’s right to keep his identity secret in order to be able to do his job the best way possible. Even if it wasn’t for the reasons you expected. So don’t go suddenly arguing that he shouldn’t have kept it hidden because of who he was, not when you agreed to it before you knew.”

That made some of the others look away, although Bucky noticed that Natasha and the Maximoffs nodded in agreement.

“I did think about it a few times,” Tony admitted, still not meeting anyone’s eyes. His hand squeezed Bucky’s. “Thought about the pros and the cons, made lists. And then Ultron happened, and I knew I couldn’t.”

“But we worked great together with Ultron,” Steve argued, appearing mystified.

At least this time, Tony didn’t even have to answer. There were scoffs from around the room - the only ones who didn’t were Steve, Tony himself (who mostly looked at Steve like he didn’t understand what the other man had said at all), Bucky, and Wilson. Considering Bucky hadn’t been with the team when Ultron had happened, and he was pretty sure Wilson hadn’t been there either, he had no idea what had happened back then.

To be quite honest, he wasn't really sure he _wanted_ to know either. From the way Tony had flinched, it couldn't be anything good.

“Really, Steve?” Barton asked him.

Even Banner, who usually didn’t get involved, looked incredulous. “ _None of us_ listened to him when he talked about his plans with the aliens, even rolling our eyes. Then _everyone_ blamed him for Ultron activating, even though he tried to tell us - and later research showed that it was the truth, and it was the scepter itself - that it should have been impossible.”

“Thor just about _strangled_ him,” Rhodes snarled, barely contained rage obvious in his voice.

“Then,” Banner continued again, having taken a deep breath, “we didn’t listen to his plan on how to deal with Ultron, shrugging it off and actually _telling him that we didn’t trust him to know what was best_.” The scientist sat back, breathing deeply.

“As I recall,” Thor finally added, “the plan was actually remarkably similar to the one Iron Man came up with later, the one that we all agreed to go with and that succeeded in dealing with Ultron before irreparable damage could be done.” Then, he turned to Tony. “I never apologized for my actions back then, though they obliged me to make the most serious of reparations. If you will allow, I would like to belatedly apologize sincerely for my actions back then - they were wrong, would have been wrong even had you been more responsible for the accidental activation of the scepter. I hope you can forgive me, and I will try to do better in the future.”

Tony, having clearly not expected this, seemed rather overwhelmed with the others agreeing with him, as well as Thor’s apology. “I mean, you don’t need to apologize. I know I’m not the easiest to deal with.”

“None of us are,” Bucky told him, before anyone else could say something that might constitute as agreement to that remark. He tried to bury the rage that he felt upon hearing exactly what had happened, made worse by the fact that he _knew_ this most likely wasn’t everything. “Still doesn’t mean any of us have the right to physically attack one another when something goes wrong. He’s right to apologize.”

“I would like to apologize as well,” the Witch spoke up. “I know I said it in the letter, but I think you deserve an actual apology. I attacked you, back in Sokovia, because I was angry with you. I should not have been, or at the very least not primarily with you. But it was easier, because you were a clear target, and I used that to deal with things, which I shouldn’t have.”

“That’s really not… I should have been more careful,” Tony tried to diffuse her apology as well.

“He was your godfather, Tony. I trusted him, too. Hell, I told him…” Rhodes trailed off, eyes flicking down to his friend’s chest, and Bucky felt cold inside.

“Your company made the weapon,” Quicksilver agreed, “but you did not sell it to the ones who used it. We would be hypocritical to judge you over trusting the wrong people, after everything we have done. And even if you had, you should not have been the single target of our anger. You were simply the easiest.”

From the look on his face, Tony was overwhelmed, though Bucky hoped it was in a good way. He thought the conversation probably hadn’t gone the way anyone had expected, but that seemed like it was a good thing.

“I should’ve visited,” Barton started next. “But it felt weird, and I felt bad for the stuff I’d said about you. I don’t know if any of it’s true - I never even really got to know you. But I did know that, if you’re even half the person Iron Man is, you didn’t deserve all that shit. Hell, after everything, why’d you even want me around at all?” It was a thought Bucky had considered as well, and then discarded. He may not agree with what Barton had ended up doing, but he did understand why.

It was almost predictable, the way Tony reacted. “I… honestly, you all don’t need to feel so bad. It’s not like it wasn’t true, after all. No need to apologize or anything.”

“A lot of things could be said, about all of us,” Natasha told him. “Most of them probably negative. I know I wasn’t too impressed with most people at the beginning, for various reasons. But we all took the time to get to know one another better. And not only did Tony Stark not bother us at all, or react in any way to everything we said and did - not only did he give us a _home_ , and gear, and everything we could wish for - but Iron Man was one of the first people to give us all a chance. And I think that says a lot about who you are. You’re not blind to flaws, not to your own and not to ours, but you know everyone has them and you don’t judge us for them. And we should have given you the same consideration.”

Multiple people across the room nodded, and Bucky could see that even Steve was starting to come around to the idea that maybe, just _maybe_ , they’d all dealt with things wrong.

Noticing the vulnerable look in Tony’s eyes as they all agreed, Bucky squeezed his hand gently, smiling softly down at the genius when he looked at him.

They’d be alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to check out my [Tumblr](https://eirlyssa.tumblr.com/)! And I hope you all have a lovely Holiday <3


	4. I'll be good

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Communication is difficult, and they're still learning. But they're trying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Due to circumstances this took a little longer to get out than I wanted it to, but here it is: the final chapter! I hope you all enjoy it!

It definitely took some getting used to. Everyone had become accustomed to blaming Tony for things, no matter how unlikely, and to be in the middle of a sentence only to realize that, no, he was _not_ to blame for the fact that it was raining cats and dogs, was rather confronting.

One of the most painful things to Bucky was the fact that Tony himself, when wearing the Iron Man suit, had clearly become accustomed to it as well. There were times where, in the middle of a fight, he would start to respond in a way that was clearly a cutting comment aimed towards himself before trailing off awkwardly.

That, as well as the fact that Tony in his ‘civilian’ guise was withdrawn to the point of shyness and had the most lethal set of puppy eyes (according to Clint), was one of the reasons they all learned to stop their comments and start trying to get to know Tony himself. It wasn’t as easy for some of them as for others, of course - Bucky had a relatively easy time, considering the fact that Tony allowed him close despite everything that had happened between the two of them.

He was still amused that the Maximoff siblings seemed to grow into a sort of ‘younger siblings’-role fairly easily as well. Both of them were going for a GED and looking into possible college courses to follow, working on that around their training and fighting as Avengers. Tony was tutoring the both of them where necessary, as well as helping out in other ways. If he thought Tony had been bad about helping him find hobby’s, he was even worse with the two of them.

Predictably, Bruce bonded with him through science. Having been made more aware of the kind of person Tony was, he was careful to be clear about his own limits when working - before, Tony’s enthusiasm meant he was very willing (and able) to work through the night, and Bruce had interpreted it as not caring. Now that he realized it was genuine enthusiasm, and that Tony didn’t even realize time passing by, he made sure to set boundaries. Of course, in his enthusiasm, Tony didn’t always notice when it was time to cut things off for the day, but JARVIS didn’t hesitate to remind the two of them whenever there had been enough sciencing. From what Bucky could tell, it had certainly improved things between the two of them. And despite what Steve implied, he wasn’t jealous.

Thor, amusingly enough, seemed to think of Tony as a younger brother of sorts. Bucky wondered if Tony reminded him some of Thor’s own brother, but he hadn’t dared ask yet. The two of them occasionally went flying together, occasionally tested their fighting together, and seemed to work together fairly smoothly. Then again, Thor himself had always been very loyal, once he’d decided someone was worth that loyalty.

The way Natasha and Clint had decided to go about things had nearly caused Bucky to choke on his laughter. They were no good with talking about genuine feelings, and might not even be great at expressing them, but they had become _protective_ of Tony as they got to know him better - or rather, as they had gotten to acknowledge the person he had always been. Upon realizing that Tony often got lost in his multiple jobs, to the point of forgetting to eat, the two of them had started to make sure he would remain fed throughout the day. Clint might not be great with cooking, but he was amazing at baking and often took care of breakfast, switching off lunch with Natasha. Bucky had been in the kitchen when Thor had attempted to get a taste of the lasagna that she was making for Tony, and despite being a Norse god, he had not stood a chance against her.

Wilson and Tony would probably never really grow close, not in the way some others were, but they were perfectly capable of carrying a civil conversation. In fact, upon realizing that Tony had been the one to _design_ his wings, Wilson had started to find it easier to talk to him. Once Tony had shown up with an assistive AI called Redwing, it had gone even better. Bucky was aware that Tony was a bit uncomfortable with Wilson and his irrepressible tendency to slip into ‘counselor mode’ sometimes, which didn’t help either, but their surface relationship was okay and the two of them could go on technical sprees for hours at a time.

Of course, Steve was one of the biggest problems. Bucky couldn’t help but wish the two of them would get along better, and he knew he wasn’t the only one - he had seen the way Tony reacted more to Steve’s perceived rejection than anyone else’s. He kind of wanted to ask about it, but he was also very aware it was likely a very tricky subject.

Instead, he ended up talking to Steve about it during one of their times in the gym. Predictably, they talked easiest when hitting things.

“Still having some trouble getting along with Tony?” He made very sure not to sound accusatory or angry. After all, he had no idea about Steve’s reasons, and he actually did want to find out why it was so difficult for one of his best friends to get along with Tony.

Steve’s chuckle was somewhat rueful. “That noticeable, huh?” He didn’t sound a whole lot happier about it himself, which helped Bucky stay calm.

“Kinda, yeah.” To Tony as well, which was probably the worst part and the reason Bucky wanted it _done with_. The genius had tried to pretend he didn’t care all that much, but it was more than obvious that he did, and that it hurt him. But he hadn’t brought it up with Bucky, so he was left wondering if he should ask Tony or not. In the end, he’d decided it was probably best to see if there was anything he could help with on Steve’s side, first.

With a sigh, his friend sat down on one of the benches, rather surprising Bucky. He’d have expected Steve to keep hitting the punching bag, rather than talk. “I’ve been trying, but it’s just… difficult, to see past… well, the past, I guess.” He looked up at Bucky, eyes almost imploring him to help. “I talked to Sam about it, and we kind of figured out that I have some trouble with the idea of not being right. I just… I’m Captain America, you know? I’m supposed to be all righteous and _right_ , and it… If I was wrong, it feels like I shouldn’t be Captain America, do you understand? So I keep… subconsciously looking for proof that I was right all along, and even knowing that, it’s difficult to stop that.”

He could see the plaintive look on Steve’s face, but all he could do for some very long moments was _stare_. And then he burst out laughing, loud and bellowing, until he was gasping for breaths. “You… ahahahaha… That’s…”

By the time he’d stopped laughing and started catching his breath, Steve looked a lot less pitiful and a lot more clueless and offended. Bucky was sitting on the floor, having been unable to keep standing, and Steve had gotten up from the bench he’d been sitting on. With one final shake of his head, Bucky tried to get himself to focus again, enough to talk to his friend.

“Steve…” Having gotten up, he put a hand on his friend’s shoulder, making sure to meet his eyes so he knew exactly how much Bucky meant it. “You’re an idiot.” Noticing how Steve was already puffing up, he ploughed on. “You have _never_ been perfect. You have _always_ made mistakes. And I _get_ buying into the whole Captain America myth, because they put a lot of work into that, in the forties and in all of the years since. But you’ve always been a reckless idiot, and you’ve always stormed in when you felt it was right, rather than to listen to others. You’re the kid from Brooklyn that got into fights when his ma couldn’t pay for the treatments, just because you felt getting beaten up by people was the only way to get them to listen to you. You’re an _idiot_ and you always have been.”

Gently guiding his friend, he got the both of them sitting down again, though he turned to his friend so he could keep talking face-to-face. “I told you, when the Commandos were started, that I was following the kid from Brooklyn, not ‘Captain America’. Because that was an important difference to me. Even now, I don’t want to be friends with some paragon of virtue that’s so much better than any mortal on this planet - I want to be friends with _Steve Rogers_. The guy who stood up to bullies even if it was better for himself not to. The guy who’d give up the little money he had to make someone else happy. The guy who was too stubborn to back down even when he should. The guy who, if there hadn’t been doctors telling him ‘no’, would have put his entire squad in danger because he needed to do the right thing. The guy who went out into the pouring rain to get his ma medicine, even though he was already sick. The guy who wasn’t afraid to face anything or anyone if it meant that he was doing the right thing, _including himself_. _That_ was always the guy that was my friend - not some elusive perfect ideal that no human can measure up to, or should want to.”

Somewhere along his speech, Steve had put his head in his hands. He was taking deep breaths, and Bucky fell silent to allow him to take it all in.

When he finally looked back up, eyes red-rimmed but not crying, Bucky gave him a small smile. “Don’t lose that guy, Steve. Don’t forget you were once that little guy, and don’t forget why you got where you are now.”

For long minutes, the two of them sat in silence, thinking. The both of them had changed a lot, since back then, had experienced things and ended up in a completely different era. And Bucky couldn’t claim to be the same person he was back then, not even close. He didn’t always remember those times, so very long ago. But maybe Tony had been right - not about himself, but about being what you started out as. Circumstances could force a person to do different things, some of them good and some of them bad, but the decisions someone made when given the choice did show their character. And he might have changed, might have done things he never would have done voluntarily, but he was gaining himself back. He just hoped his friend could do the same.

"Hey Bucky?" He looked over at Steve, who had his eyes aimed firmly down. "Back when I was... You know, when I was part of Project Rebirth. Erskine told me something. That I should never change what I was - not a perfect soldier, but a good man. And I've tried to stick to that. But now there's this whole thing with Stark, and I don't know... Does that mean I failed?"

Pity shot through Bucky. Yes, Steve hadn't acted the way he should, and that wasn't suddenly forgiven and forgotten. But he made things so _difficult_ for himself sometimes.

"Let me be honest with you, Steve. You've been an asshole - we all have. And we try to make up for that. Because even the _best_ person in the _universe_ makes mistakes sometimes. But, listen to me." Bucky waited for Steve to meet his eyes, putting all of his sincerity into his next words. "Making mistakes has never once made someone a bad person, because it happens to everyone. It's what you do to _fix_ your mistakes, how you deal with them, that determines whether you're a good person or not. When you stop owning up to your mistakes, when you start assuming that you have to be right, that's when you stop being a good person. Which means you've got a choice to make."

"Do you think... Would he even let me try to make up for it? I mean, I haven't exactly been doing a whole lot better since finding out he was Iron Man, unlike everyone else."

By now, Bucky was pretty sure he knew Tony. He would've honestly liked to be able to say yes because that was simply the kind of person Tony was, giving people second chances even though they might not entirely deserve them, and while that was certainly part of the reason, it wouldn't be his primary reason quite yet. "Yeah, he would. Seeing the way he reacted to everyone else, he'll be somewhat wary, but delighted if you do." Unfortunately, Tony still didn't entirely regard them as having acted in the wrong whatsoever. Despite all of his attempts, he still didn’t think very highly of himself at all, and he didn’t blame any of the others for doing the same.

“I’ll try then.” Bucky knew that look on Steve’s face, a determination that meant he was _committed_ now. Knowing him, this would either be hilarious or a disaster - or a hilarious disaster. He silently resigned himself to being prepared for anything the next few days, and to keep an eye out for Tony. Steve might mean well, after all, but sometimes he just… didn’t quite get it.

Fortunately, it went better than he’d dared to hope. Bucky wondered if Steve had asked for help in planning, because he doubted the hand-drawn apology card, Tony in the Iron Man armor while holding the helmet, was something he’d come up with by himself. It seemed to break the ice between the two of them somewhat, though, and they spent some more time together afterwards.

Of course, that also meant Steve decided it was time for a team-building exercise. He’d pitched a few ideas to Wilson, Bucky was aware, and he himself had been the one to advise that most board games might not be the best of ideas with both Tony and Natasha there, not to mention that he had no idea how competitive Thor and Clint would get (though he suspected a lot). So, with all of the input and ideas he’d been given, Steve had brilliantly decided on Pictionary.

Everyone was looking at one another hesitantly, if not a bit warily. “Do I even want to ask how you want us paired up?” Clint was the one to ask the question that was on all of their minds.

“Well, I wanted to team everyone up with someone they don’t work with all that often,” he told them, grinning brightly. Bucky’s stomach was sinking. “So I was thinking you and Tony could be together, and Natasha with Pietro. Wanda teams up with Thor, Bucky teams up with Sam, and I work with Bruce. Is that alright with everyone?”

He met Wilson’s eyes, recognizing the exact feeling in them. ‘We’re doomed,’ was what neither of them would say out loud. ‘We’re taking Steve down with us if it’s the last thing we do’ was acknowledged by both of them.

“I wonder how he would react if we said no,” he heard Pietro mumble softly, sharing a wry grin with Natasha.

Looking around at the rest of them, Bucky noticed that Wanda was explaining Pictionary to Thor, who was looking wildly entertained. Steve was setting up the supplies, completely oblivious to the rest of them, while Bruce was looking rather hesitant. The most scary, however, was the _look_ that Clint and Tony shared, matching grins on both of their faces. It was a good thing this was just a game - a game he could prepare himself for losing - because it made him want to whimper just a little.

“Alright, now we just need to decide who gets to start.” Being the kind of person he was, Steve had made personalized player tokens for all of them. Clearly, there was no objecting to his proposed teams, considering Bucky could see his star surrounded by Wilson’s wings on the red-and-gray piece. Hell, even the dice were personalized. Oh, Steve. “Pick a person to roll your die - highest number gets to pick the first card.”

His reflexes meant he got to the die before Wilson did. He grinned at the glare the other man sent him, rolling. A five.

It took two more minutes for Natasha and Clint to finally both stop rolling sixes, leaving Clint and Tony as the team to start. Clint picked a card, grinning. “Category - object.” Everyone else that was supposed to be drawing stepped forward as well, looking at the object they were supposed to be drawing. After five seconds, each of them went to their own whiteboard.

They had all agreed to let JARVIS time them, to make thing slightly easier. So when the voice from the ceiling told them to “ _start_ ”, Bucky quickly drew some lines on the whiteboard. He wasn’t the best at drawing, he really wasn’t, but at least he could tell from the corner of his eye that he was better than Pietro. Behind him, he could hear some of the others calling out, ranging from “hot air balloon” to “egg” to “your face” (which, fuck you, too, Wilson) before Tony confidently told them all “a lightbulb”. He could hear Steve and Wanda groan by their own whiteboards.

With a sigh, they all went to sit down as Tony and Clint switched places, Clint rolling the die again. Honestly, they all should have known Clint would be able to aim his dice rolls as well (since Bucky knew that, with Steve having made the dice by himself, they couldn’t have been loaded) because he got another six. At least that landed them on a ‘difficult’ square, though Bucky had very, very little faith that that would impair them any.

Not even thirty seconds later, Clint was gleefully yelling “seasick”, which, what even? The only ones who seemed to understand how he’d managed to get that from Tony’s scribbles were Natasha and Bruce, which… Yeah, Bucky didn’t even know.

Two rolls of the dice later, Steve was starting to look rather constipated and they finally got an All-Play on their ‘object’-card. Bucky had very little faith in this game ending well. By the time Tony yelled “toast” not even ten seconds into drawing, he’d surrendered to his fate.

When Clint then threw a two, he knew something was up. Clint did not throw anything he didn’t want to trow. The fact that it had them end up on an All-Play square made him even more suspicious, which he felt was not unreasonable. This was either the moment that the two of them had decided to rig the game so others would get to play, or the moment they decided to show everyone else once and for all that they were the best team.

By the time they’d done another two All-Play squares, Bucky’s stomach hurt from holding in laughter at the constipated look on Steve’s face. Pietro was outright grinning, as was Wilson.

“Okay, wait, time-out,” Steve told them. “This game is rigged.”

It was almost endearing how surprised he sounded at that. “Steve,” Natasha told him, impressively non-patronizing if one were to ask Bucky. “You are playing board games with the _Avengers_. Hell, play anything with any of us and we’ve got advantages that we can use to help us win. _Everything is rigged._ In fact, I can probably predict the exact outcome of this game: Tony and Clint will continue on getting things correct until they’ve won, after which the rest of us will be left. Next up will be myself and Pietro, because he is a _very_ quick drawer and I can cheat with the dice almost as well as Clint can. Then it will be Bucky and Sam, getting it right just in time on every single occasion because both of their first six attempts at guessing will be insults at each other. Due to that, they’re almost defeated by Thor and Wanda, who might not be the best but they work together fairly well. Finally, you’re good at drawing, but Bruce complicated things endlessly to the point where he keeps guessing wrong, and his drawing is possibly worse than his handwriting, so you keep missing guesses as well, and your increasing frustration doesn’t help.”

Bucky almost felt sorry for the sad look on Steve’s face. Then again, he _had_ been the one to come up with this _brilliant_ idea, despite Bucky’s suggestions. “What would work, then?” he asked all of them.

“Depends on what you want to achieve, really,” Wilson told him with a shrug. Except Steve, none of the others looked to bothered about the way things had been going. “If you insist on games, I’d suggest asking Natasha for suggestions on how to pair people up without being able to instantly predict the outcomes, honestly.”

“If it makes you feel any better,” Clint shrugged, “this probably would have gone better in two teams. There’s just no way to pair us up in groups of two without at least one or two groups having an unfair advantage.”

He wasn’t all that surprised he still ended up in the same team as Wilson. The fact that the two of them could yell all of their insults and have Tony, Wanda and Natasha still carry them to victory even made the rest of the evening somewhat bearable, and they all went to their own rooms with the agreement to have some more team nights, though Steve would be conferring with at least Natasha before pitching any other game ideas.

It took longer than Bucky had expected, honestly, for things to go wrong. He knew Tony and Steve were relatively likely to clash, no matter how well they worked together.

Somehow, he wasn’t surprised it was over Howard Stark.

Back during the war, when he and Steve had known the man, he’d already been fairly similar to the way Tony had been before his kidnapping. But despite the way Steve professed to feel about that showiness, he _had_ been somewhat awkward friends with Howard.

Bucky wasn’t sure what Tony’s relationship with his father had been like, but the small hints he got indicated that it hadn’t been ideal. The way he got defensive when the subject even hinted towards his father was also an indication, though Bucky was very willing to admit that might have something to do with the fact that talking about him to the person who had murdered him, if involuntarily, was likely not something Tony would ever be willing to do.

Clearly, it wasn’t just him, though. He came in towards the end of it, having heard the yelling from a few doors down. While he might’ve avoided a confrontation, and had in fact avoided fights between others, he recognized Tony’s voice as well as Steve’s. More than anyone else, Tony was someone he was willing to face a confrontation for.

Pietro and Wanda were standing by the door to the room, looking incredibly worried and unsure about what to do. No one else had gotten there yet, though Bucky was expecting some of the others to show up as well if they kept going like this.

“I just wanted to know a bit more about him!” Steve was yelling. “I don’t get why you’re making such a problem about your _father_ , of all people!”

“So what, I say I don’t want to and you’re just gonna ignore that because it’s not what _you_ want!?”

“It’s your _father_ , not some bad thing you should be hiding! For God’s sake, why does everything have to turn into a _fight_ with you!?”

“With _me_!? I just told you I didn’t want to talk about it and _you_ were the one who couldn’t just let it _rest_!” Bucky recognized that look in Tony’s eyes, the one that was screaming that he felt trapped and was ready to lash out one way or another.

Before he could step in, Steve started yelling back. “Because this is _Howard_! He deserves some _respect_ , rather than you trying to ignore he existed!”

“ _Steve_!” Hopefully, by stepping in, there would be some salvaging the situation. The fact that he’d addressed Steve instead of Tony also made sure the latter did not feel attacked any more than he already did, which he hoped would help. Part of him wanted to let the situation play out, let the two of them deal with things by themselves, but he suspected there would be no way to come back from anything if this escalated any further than it had. “ _Enough_.”

The blond turned to him now, righteous fury all over his face. “But Bucky - ”

“ _No_ , Steve. Enough. Let’s go somewhere else.” Although he phrased it as a suggestion, the tone of his voice made it more than clear it was anything but.

For one precarious moment, he worried that Steve wouldn’t let it go, would try to push things with Tony. But then he deflated ever so slightly, stalking out the door without another look at anyone else. Sending a quick, reassuring smile at Tony, Bucky followed him. As much as he hated leaving the genius right now, Steve was disturbingly likely to continue on this way later on, which would ruin any chance of the two of them ever becoming friends.

He followed Steve to the gym, where the blond wrapped up his hands before wailing on the reinforced punching bag with a violence that it probably wouldn’t be able to handle for too long.

Bucky stood, arms crossed, by the door until the first layer of mesh ripped - a design that Tony had constructed to make sure the filling wouldn’t be all over the floor, warning them that they were being too rough.

By now, Steve was breathing heavily, and Bucky could see that he was still angry. Well, good, because so was he.

“I just wanted to talk to him about Howard!” Steve exclaimed, aggrieved. “Why does he have to make such a _problem_ of something so _simple_?”

“First of all, I sincerely doubt _he_ made it a problem.” When Steve noticed the harsh tone of his voice, some of his anger faded into confusion, but Bucky didn’t let him speak. “Considering he’s been working on conflict management, I doubt he has said a whole lot more than that he _does not want to speak about it_. Which leaves me to conclude that you didn’t listen to him when he told you as much, which means _you_ are the one who made it into a problem.”

“It’s _Howard_ , though. Howard was his _father_ , so why on Earth wouldn’t he want to talk about him, unless it was just to stir up another fight?”

He was tempted to tell Steve about his suspicions - that after the war, Howard had not been the same man they had known before. But that wasn't important right now. "If someone tells you they do not want to talk about something, unless it's Avengers-related, you _respect_ that. Whatever their reason is - whether they have their reasons for avoiding the subject, or whether it's a test, no matter what, you respect that." He continued before Steve could start arguing. "You'd want someone to stop talking about something when you ask them to, wouldn't you?"

At that question, Steve sighed and deflated just a little, looking slightly less ready to start a fight. "I guess you're right. It just doesn't make sense to me - he likes talking about all of his technical stuff, like Howard used to, and he's actually something we have in common, you know? I just thought it could be something to bond over."

"You keep pushing like this, it's gonna be something you break apart over."

"There's just so little here, still, that's really familiar to me, you know? Most of the people are new, and everyone talks to each other differently than they used to. And I'm getting used to it, you know I am, but I thought Howard might be a comfortable subject for the both of us. But it's like I keep getting it wrong, because that turned into an argument as well, and I just don't get why everything has to be so _difficult_." _With Tony_ , he didn't say out loud.

"Is he worth it?" Steve looked at him, uncomprehending. "Is just talking about Howard worth ruining your chance of ever being friends with Tony?" His friend held on to the past, Bucky knew, to a sometimes unhealthy degree. It meant he might actually think Howard was worth it, just because he'd known the man before going into the ice.

To his credit, Steve seriously contemplated the question. The miserable look on his face gave away his answer even before he admitted that no, he wasn't. "I just don't get why there's always something wrong, why it's always so difficult."

Bucky scoffed. "Because you're both stubborn, and you've never wanted to listen if you felt something was not the way it should be." And he suspected they both reminded each other of Howard in the exact wrong ways. "Except you can't keep trying to push people into the molds you think they should fit in. It rubs Tony the wrong way, but he's not gonna be the only one for long." Hell, Bucky was a lot more subtle about it, but he'd known Steve long enough to figure out ways around having to fit into the mold of 'Bucky' that Steve still remembered.

"I'm not trying to push him to be anything!" Steve argued. "I was just trying to get to know him and he had to make it into a fight!"

" _You_ made it into a fight, Steve. You were trying to get to know him the way _you_ felt would work, by bringing up Howard. And when he didn't want that, you argued with him, as you always do, to try to make him do what you wanted."

"Then what do _you_ think I should've done? Just give up?"

His jaw clenched, and Bucky tried to calm himself down. Getting angrier with Steve than he already was would be no help. "Yeah. Respect someone else's boundaries. Someone tells you no, you respect that. Someone tells you they don't want to talk about something, you respect that. There's about a thousand ways to become friends - try another one, see if it works for both of you. And for the love of God, Steve, let Wilson help you find a good counselor to help you learn deal with things."

As usual, he could see that Steve wanted to argue. Hell, he wasn't even sure if it was part of what he'd just said or all of it. But Bucky knew that wouldn't be going anywhere, not with how close he himself already was to being angry. So he got up, turning to his friend and looking him straight in the eye to show how serious he was. "Think on that." Then, he walked out of the gym, focusing his attention on the way his breaths felt as his lungs expanded and contracted.

It didn't take long for his feet to take him into the direction of the lab. Not only was it the most likely place for Tony to be, but it had become a safe space of sorts for Bucky as well (in no small part due to the usual presence of said genius).

To his relief, the doors actually opened for him, revealing Tony sitting behind his desk, music not nearly as loud as it usually was. He was morosely looking at one of his inventions, poking at it with a screwdriver even though Bucky was fairly sure he wasn’t doing all that much with it at the moment. “Hey, doll.” The endearment slipped out without him realizing, as had been happening more and more lately. “You alright?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” There was a tightness to his voice, and Bucky could almost _see_ the challenge in his eyes. He seemed prepared for another fight.

Bucky understood, though. He didn’t even blame the other man for it. “Alright, then we don’t need to,” he agreed easily.

Those brown eyes, showing so much of the way Tony _truly_ felt, swiftly flickered back down to the item he was holding. It wasn’t fast enough for Bucky to miss the vulnerable look in them, though.

“D’you mind if I hang out here? I think I left one of those 3D-puzzles down here, that lighthouse one.”

The few seconds that it took for Tony to think, he waited patiently. Upon getting a nod, though, he moved over to the storage space that had become ‘his’ and pulled out the puzzle he’d mentioned. Tony had been the one to get it for him, laughing at the fact that there was an actual lamp included for extra realism.

For a long while, he worked in the relative silence while Tony fiddled with his own project. Bucky didn’t mind the silence, mostly glad that he was allowed to stay and intent on proving to Tony that he would respect his wishes.

“Why wouldn’t he just listen?” Tony eventually spoke up, sounding lost enough that Bucky would have been quite alright with heading back upstairs and smacking Steve upside the head. “I mean, I did what I was supposed to. Right?”

When Bucky looked up, Tony was looking straight at him, looking uncertain and almost fragile. One accusing word and he knew the genius would be on the defensive, and not likely to ever open up to him again. But there wasn’t anything to accuse him of. “Yeah, you did. You told him you didn’t want to talk about it, and that should have been all.”

“I even practiced with the whole ‘not getting defensive’ part.” Now his voice was somewhere between plaintive and proud.

“I noticed,” Bucky agreed, making sure his approval was clear. After everything that had happened, and with his own resolution to learn how to deal with conflicts better, Tony had hesitantly asked him if he could join in as well. By now, the two of them went to a somewhat specialized conflict management group led by an ex-SEAL called Val every other week, joined by Pietro, Wanda, Bruce, Clint and even Wilson. They never discussed real situations, instead practicing with improvised ones, but it had still helped a lot. “The fact that you hadn’t ripped Steve a new one yet was very impressive.”

Now, there was a hesitant grin on Tony’s face. “It was very tempting,” he confessed.

“I can imagine,” Bucky agreed. He loved Steve like a brother, but the man was _incredibly_ aggravating a lot of the time.

After a few more moments of silence, Tony spoke up again. “I did the right thing, right?”

“It might be best to discuss it with Val alone to be sure, but I think so, yeah.” Due to the fact that they all had to work together, Val had made sure that group sessions contained as little real interpersonal conflict as possible, and they were all free to discuss problems with her in person so she could coach them on the skills they needed to deal with them personally. “I mean, you told him you didn’t want to talk. And then stuck to that when knowing that you wouldn’t be able to have a calm discussion with him. I think you did great, to be honest.”

“Yeah…” By now, Tony had wandered closer, sitting next to Bucky on the couch and looking at the unfinished puzzle. “It’s difficult, learning new ways of dealing with stuff like that. Especially considering I do still need some of the old ways in order to deal with the press.”

Bucky couldn’t help but grimace. Before, he hadn’t much noticed the way Tony tended to intercept most of the worst press, only allowing actual Avenger interviews to reporters who would be respectful. In the meantime, though, he’d still dealt with the worst of it by far, including paparazzi who hadn’t met a single limit they didn’t want to cross. Deflection, in all of the possible shapes Tony could perform it in, was absolutely vital in dealing with those.

Considering everyone had started to care about _Tony_ as well now, Bucky hadn’t been the only one noticing the way the press hounded him, and both Natasha and Wilson had expressed some concerns. They also knew that most of them wouldn’t be able to deal nearly as well, though.

“I think you were amazing,” Bucky told Tony sincerely, not looking away when those gorgeous eyes met his.

The shy smile Tony gifted him with almost made him melt. Gods, every time Bucky thought he couldn’t fall more, Tony would just be there, _existing_ , and he _did_.

Still, despite the fact that Wilson had told him that he looked outright goofy when thinking about Tony, he didn’t try to school his expression into something more neutral. If anyone deserved to see how much he cared, it was Tony, and he wasn’t ashamed of feeling the way he did. (Maybe a little afraid of rejection if the genius ever noticed, but that was another story completely.)

Tony never did notice, though. Or if he did, he never let on. Instead, the two of them turned back to the puzzle, working on it together for a while and joking around about whatever they would be doing for their next ‘team building’ activity.

Even after all this time, Bucky wasn’t sure if it would be better for Tony to notice his ~~crush~~ feelings on his own, or whether he should simply confess to the genius. Not only was there a possible rejection to worry about, but he absolutely did not want for Tony to think that Bucky only cared because he wanted to get into the genius’ pants.

When he told Natasha as much, she looked at him skeptically for a few seconds before sighing. “Confess,” she told him, no-nonsense.

Part of him kind of wanted to curse her when she then walked off, but he _did_ get it, at least a little. This was her telling him not to worry about any of it, for whatever reasons. And Bucky knew very well that she wasn’t perfect, that she didn’t always know everything everyone was thinking, but at least when she didn’t know she owned up to it, at least to him. Not to mention she would _never_ tell him to do something that she wasn’t sure was a good idea, not when it came to Tony.

So confess he would. Of course, he needed to plan it out, make sure that it would be nice and perfect and everything that Tony deserved.

Yeah.

It wasn’t nice, or perfect, or even close to what Tony deserved.

Instead, it was in the middle of a fight. Not even an interesting fight, really. Just some oozes made up out of burning acid that burned into pretty much everything and that seemed to be able to split up and attach together at will and whenever someone’s flying shield split them into two. (Okay, so it was a somewhat interesting fight. But still, _oozes_ )

None of them was really able to make an impact. Any smashing just had them splitting up into two separate oozes, bullets and arrows just left a hole that was repaired soon after, and the one attempt Thor had made with his lightning had left the ooze in several tiny, acidic pieces.

“ _On the bright side, they seem to be attracting one another,_ ” Tony told them on the comms. They did have a bit of a tendency to clump together when they got into close proximity.

“ _And on the not-so-bright side?_ ” Pietro asked, all of them clearly hearing the ‘but’ in Tony’s earlier statement.

“ _They get more acidic when they’re bigger._ ”

That was a not-so-bright side indeed. “ _Alright everyone, make sure to keep them apart, but not too far apart._ ” He could almost hear Steve cringe at the lack of specificity. “ _Bruce, are you any closer to finding out what they’re made of and what would work against them?_ ”

Considering the Hulk wouldn’t be a lot of help, and none of them wanted to risk him getting burned by the acid, Bruce had been left to do a chemical analysis.

“ _Sorry, it takes a little time for the analysis to finish,_ ” Bruce’s apologetic voice came over the comms. There was a hint of stress. “ _It doesn’t help that the containers keep disintegrating quicker than I can replace them._ ”

As the others asked him how much longer, as well as discussing tactics to keep the lot of them apart (with Wanda doing most of the work, bubbling them up and setting them down again some feet apart - they weren’t _fast_ oozes), Bucky barely heard Tony’s soft hum on his comm.

With a few gestures, he had JARVIS transfer him to a private comm link. “Any ideas?” he asked.

“ _A few,_ ” came the somewhat unsurprising answer. “ _Not sure if they’ll work, though, or whether they’ll make things worse._ ”

“I mean, we could split a piece off the rest and test a theory or two on the one small piece?”

“ _Fair enough,_ ” Tony told him, before switching to the general comm channel and discussing the idea with the rest of them. In the end, the fact that Bruce was spending most of his time trying to keep his piece contained instead of being able to analyze it had the rest of them agreeing.

Then Tony was speeding off, on a private comm line with Bruce to discuss ideas, to get his supplies, which left the rest of them with a bunch of oozes to try to contain without letting them stick together. It was a delicate balancing act worsened by the lurid yellow color of the things.

Once Tony got back, the rest of them cleared a spot for him to work with. “ _How big a piece do you need?_ ” Wanda asked. Soon, three small pieces of ooze were wiggling in front of Tony, slowly heading for one another.

“ _Well, here goes nothing, _” he sighed, before emptying three containers over the things.__

___**BOOM** _ _ _

__“Tony!” Bucky yelled, along with quite a few of the others. Fortunately, he wasn’t left to worry for long._ _

__“ _I’m fine!_ ” Tony’s voice came across the comms, indeed sounding just fine. Still, Bucky could feel his heart racing. Really, considering they were supposed to be heroes and putting their lives at risk fairly often, he needed to get better at this. “ _I figured out what worked! Water doesn’t do a whole lot, and soap does burn them, but the salt is what takes them out. Careful, though, because there are explosions. Probably bigger when the ooze is bigger, too._ ”_ _

__And so it happened that Thor came flying in with a container filled with salt that Pietro delighted in throwing at ooze after ooze, his sister making sure the explosions remained contained, while the rest of them made sure not too many oozes would merge together._ _

__Stepping up next to where Tony was watching, Bucky surreptitiously looked over the armor to make sure nothing seemed damaged. “You sure you’re alright?”_ _

__The face-plate stripped back, since there was no one close enough to see them, allowing him to meet Tony’s smiling face. “Just fine, snowflake. It was more of a ‘poof’ than a ‘boom’, if you get what I mean.”_ _

__He did seem just fine - there wasn’t even any of the ooze’s remains on the armor, which would have worried Bucky. It appeared like the salt actually completely disintegrated the oozes, which was odd but convenient. In an attempt to ease the racing of his heart, he took a few deep breaths._ _

__“Are you actually alright?” Tony was asking him now, eyes all sincere and caring, and Bucky couldn’t do it anymore._ _

__“I love you.”_ _

__Silence fell. Somewhat late, Bucky realized that Tony might’ve pulled the face-plate away, but Bucky himself was still on the comms and audible not only to Tony, but to the rest of the Avengers as well._ _

__To his utter relief, none of them actually made a single sound to interrupt the two of them, leaving him to watch as Tony’s gorgeous face cycled through several emotions - astonishment, confusion, wariness, back to confusion again - until it finally settled on one: a very hesitant hope._ _

__“You… love me?”_ _

__It was easy to tell, from the way his voice sounded, that he wasn’t sure whether he believed it. Or maybe whether he was allowed to believe it. But now that it had slipped out anyway, Bucky didn’t want him to doubt. Not one second._ _

__“I do.” That shy smile was appearing again, the faintest blush across Tony’s cheeks, and it was that genuine feeling that Bucky was so very weak for. “I mean… No, I meant exactly that. I wasn’t planning on telling you right after a battle - I was working on a proper way to tell you, to be honest. But yeah, it is true. I love you. Have for quite a while, honestly.”_ _

__“I… with _me_?”_ _

__“Always with you. I mean, I had crushes on both sides of you before I knew, but then I found out and it made sense and those feelings just grew more, and then ever since finding out and getting to know you even better and spending more time with you… Yeah, definitely with you.”_ _

__“Oh.” Tony sounded so honestly astonished, and he shouldn’t be. Gods, he was so amazing that Bucky quite honestly didn’t know how to put it into words without stumbling over them. And he was supposed to be _good_ at this kind of thing. “You… _oh_.” And then the most beautiful smile started spreading over his face, and Bucky mentally promised himself that he would forever keep doing whatever it took to put that smile there, because it was the best thing he had ever seen. Like the sun rising after the longest of nights, and he never wanted it to disappear again. “I… I like you too,” Tony told him, almost shyly, and Bucky couldn’t help the answering grin on his face for anything._ _

__“Then would you honor me with a date, doll?” He knew the look on his face was probably incredibly sappy, and he could hear the snap of a picture being taken, but who the hell cared? Tony liked him, too!_ _

__“I’d love to,” Tony told him, excitement building. And oh, Bucky had _ideas_. Probably not a science fair, not unless he could get some of those face-masks to make sure no one would bother Tony, but there were _so many options_. And then they’d also be able to talk without all of their teammates listening in. Because he knew that any moment now -_ _

__“Congratulations!” “About time!” “Finally!” “You couldn’t have waited one more week?”_ _

__And hell, it might not have been the way he’d planned it, but if it made Wilson lose a bet, that was probably alright. Not to mention that, without the extra tension of worrying what Tony’s reaction would be, he could plan the _best date ever_ to show Tony how much Bucky thought of him._ _

__Smiling softly at him, the armor putting them at the same height, Tony ignored the other Avengers to lean in. The look in his eyes made it very clear to Bucky what he wanted, what he hoped for, and he leaned in as well to touch his lips softly to the other man’s._ _

__It was perfect._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it. Feel free to come check out my [Tumblr](https://eirlyssa.tumblr.com/) as well!

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to come check out my [Tumblr](https://eirlyssa.tumblr.com/) as well.


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